Please help....

[Gracelove]

Guys, things are soooo tough lately.

I'm at home in California now.

I think returning home for me is good, but I don't know, I think I'm becoming more sensitive about the rape.

I went through this stage where I could tell people, ya know.

That I was raped and now suffer from depression.

It made me feel good. I felt like by telling people I was escaping the shame.

I just wanted to put it all out there so I wouldn't feel like I had anything to hide or be ashamed of.

Now, I feel more self-conscious about it.

And really sad.

And then there was this situation with my boyfriend a couple of days ago.

He is watching my cat and fish while I'm gone.

And my favorite fish died because he didn't feed it for three days!!!

Then he tells me that my fish is dead. He just says it. He doesn't try to break it to me by saying "I have bad news..." or anything. And he totally acted like he didn't care at all. There was no remorse or anything.

I was sooooo hurt and upset.

And I was sure to tell him that.

And then he does this 180-thing on me.

He gets upset with me.

Because I was upset with him.

And he had a rough and busy week at work, and he forgot.

But the thing is, before I left I told him that I would bring the fish to his house.

He told me "no", that he would drive over to my house everyday to feed my fish.

And he just doesn't understand.

There was a period of time when all I had were fish to keep me company, and I was really attached to them.

And that was during the time where I was running from my ex, and moving, and trying to deal with a really mean, grumpy, and I-don't-know-what-else roomate.

And I let people watch my fish for me, and they died.

Now I have my own place, a safe place, and I think everything is going to be alright.

And then my boyfriend doesn't feed my favorite fish and it dies!

I just don't understand how he could be so insensitive about it!

And I know he has done a lot for me. And I love him.

Anyways, the past few days have been extra hard.

He didn't even talk to me for more than a day.

That hurts, espicially when he was in the wrong.

But I apologized to him because I raised my voice at him when I was telling him how upset I was.

I feel confused.

I mean, he was willing to abandon me. Totally stop talking to me because I was hurt by something he did.

So what do I have?

I feel more vunerable than before.

I just don't know what to do.

How am I suppose to feel?

Like we have an open relationship?

Like I can express my emotions and feelings to him?

I thought I could.

And don't get me wrong, I really want to be with him still, I love him.

I just, I feel........like there is no one I can really count on for sure.

And it's not about the fish thing, it's the way he cut me off simply because I was greiving about it.

It all sucks.

I'm trying to hold myself together.

I'm trying to be the mature person.

I'm trying to make everything okay.

But everything is not okay.

I feel like I'm just pushing everything down, inside.

And it's just going to stay there.

I don't know what to do.

I really don't.

I'm....I don't quite know where to turn.

I guess that's why I have friends, I guess I'll turn to them for help as well.

I'm determined to make this relationship with my boyfriend work because I love him so dearly.

Am I suppose to pretend like I'm not hurt by him killing my fish?

I'm I always suppose to act like I'm not hurt by things he might do?

Is that the only way I'll be able to keep him in my life?

If that's the case, then it's worth it, but how to I manage my emotions?

How do I hide my hurt feelings? Without him being upset that I'm not telling him everything?

What do I do if I can't be me? What do I do if he doesn't want all of me?

Am I living a lie?

I don't want to constantly worry about him leaving me because I've offended him.

I'm trying so hard to find myself. To be okay. This is just another uncertainty in my unstable world.

Please help.....

[Dako]

You're very sensitive, and this incident isn't a symbol of life's uncertainty, but a sad event. If you end a relationship over an pet fish, consider the overall loss of your bf and your future with him. Imagine a long term relationship's ups and downs. Some people remain together through cheating, the loss of a child, and other tragedies.

 

You're going through a terrible time in your life. Your bf is probably suffering as well, but feels helpless. He needs your help as much as you need his. Since you're in pain, his caretaker role may be very difficult.

[rose2summer]

Grace,

 

I know you are upset about the fish, but I am sure he didn't mean to not feed the fish.

 

Most likely he forgot about feeding it and it was an accident.

 

It isn't right for him to back away either, but when accidents happen it's best to forgive as best you can.

 

Right now you are in a tough patch because you want so much affection, becuase of a traumatic experience you went through.

 

I really think you should seek counseling as soon as you can so you can try work things out within you.

 

It really helped me understand why I pull away from people and protect myself.

 

With time, you feel less and less pain but you must take an active role to healing which is seeking outside help.

 

Hugs, Rose