Peur

[nadine_3110]

I'm a little scared right now (hence the title). You see I was with my bf last year for three months, we broke up for sevent months and now we're back together and on month number five. I told him at the beginning of our second try that it might take time for me to get used to it, to trust that he won't go away like that again. He said he would wait for me and he would help me.

 

So every few weeks I ask him how he feels about me and things like that, he always replies that he cares about me a lot and so on. But yesterday, he got mad at me for, I think it was, the first time. It's because I'm sick just with a cold and I went to the BEP concert last night and then I wanted him to come to the bar with me and my friend and her bf. He said something like someone was coming over... I couldn't hear well cus of the concert. But I said, 'Ok fine, don't come, bye,' in an angry voice, he said, 'Ok bye' in an angry voice as well. After the concert, I called him and told him I was sorry and asked if he was mad at me. He said that he was cus I'm sick and I want to go out and all that when I should be resting. I said I was sorry and asked if he was still mad and he said no, I asked if he really wasn't anymore, and he said that no he wasn't. I guess I was being annoying cus his voice sorta rose again. So I slept over at his house and we cuddled and held hands.

 

Then in the morning he played video games, then brought me to work at 1 pm. We gave each other a little kiss and said goodbye. Then, after work at 5pm, I text messaged him and asked if he thought our relationship was still good even if we had ups and downs. He said, 'ya ya it's all good.' I asked if he meant that cus I liked him more and more every time I saw him. He said, 'Nadine, don't start this.' I asked what and he said i knew. I just told him that I just liked reassurance. He said that he didn't need reassurance and he didn't like it when I asked either. So I just told him I liked the words. He said that he does sometimes and that the body speaks louder than words. I told him I liked the words as much as the body. I told him I was sorry that I doubted his feelings for me and that I should know by now that he cares alot about me but I still like to hear it. I told him I didn't meant to make him worry. I just ask cus I want to know if his feelings are as strong as mine. He told me that he was having supper. And I left him alone.

 

So I just need some help in identifying what he's feeling. The reason I ask him how he feels is because I want to know if he loves me. Because I love him. He doesn't want to be throwing around that word, but I'm not throwing it around, I really do love him. I think i'm going to go visit him and tell him how I feel.

[nadine_3110]

Please, any little bit will be helpful.

[DN]

He cuddled with you and kissed you and you had a cold that he knew you were probably going to give to him.

 

Seems like love to me. Had you thought about that?

[nadine_3110]

Yes I have. You know what, that was just the little boost I needed. So you guys think I should tell him I love him? Even if he might not say it back?

[DN]

No - I would not advise that right now. Just be loving and affectionate in action and deeds rather that in words. Not over-clingy but so he knows you love him.

[Hope75]

Hey There,

 

I went through a breakup with my bf about 2 years ago as well, for about 6 weeks (after 2 years of dating). I remember feeling exactly like you did when we first got back together, checking the 'pulse' of the relationship all the time, needing that verbal reassurance that we were going to be OK.

 

I know it drove my bf crazy too. My advice for you is what your guy mentioned to you:

He said that he does sometimes and that the body speaks louder than words

Pay attention to that. For the next 2 weeks, I want you to do something for me. Watch him. Don't say anything about needing reassurance in words, just watch his actions. DN is right, the holding you all night while you are sick and worrying about you being out when you might be better off home and resting shows you he cares. Listen to that- it's far more powerful and carries more weight then words- which are easy to say but difficult to back up with actions unless you really mean it. See what else he does, like calling, spending time with you, etc in the next two weeks. Make it like a little project, if you will- but say nothing to him about it.

 

It's hard to regain trust after a breakup- it is. But sometimes you have to relax, have faith, and pay attention to what his actions show you- a man who cares about you alot. I eventually learned to relax myself and we're going on 4 years in 2 weeks Try not to let your insecurity blind you from what he's already telling you- with actions, not words.

[nadine_3110]

So should I call him to, or should I just wait for him to call me?

[Hope75]

You can call him too- whatever you normally would do. The only thing you are changing in the next two weeks on your end is to not ask him for any type of reassurance of his feelings for you. Watch and see how he proves it to you with his actions.

[DN]

Whichever feels right. But if you call him - wait a day or two.