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i love her but i cant marry her

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i have been having this live-in relationship with my girlfriend for 13yrs,and it has borne us 4 sons.but even after having 4 sons,i just cannot learn to love her.i know this is unfair to her,and i just cant tell her what i really feel for her,because i dont want to hurt her feelings.we started off in the wrong foot so to speak. now i cant seem to escape from this relationship,and i dont know what to do.i believe i've been a good father and a good partner,im just not happy inside me.any advice would be greatly appreciated...

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How did it happen that you stayed with her for 13yrs and managed to have 4 sons with her when you don't love her? Why didn't you end it soon during the early stages of the relationship so that at least you both have found the happiness that you both deserve? What do you mean by "we started off in the wrong foot"? How come you can't love her?

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i got her pregnant out of necessity and not out of love.and because of that,i felt guilty,and it's that guilt that has made me stick with her,and not love.


Yeah, please explain "out of necessity"... I don't get it. You said "I felt guilty, and it's that guilt that has made me stick with her, and not love". So you don't want to deal with the "guilt"... you stick with her just so you don't feel "guilty". Forgive me but it is very unfair for her that you sticked with her for that long when you really don't have any intention to love her and you only thought of yourself just because you don't want to deal with the guilt feelings.

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Sounds like a convenient excuse to me - your so-called guilty feelings - you were too lazy to leave so you chose to have children with her. Nothing to do with positive values on your part. You've made your bed and your children shouldn't suffer for it. Why not go to marital counseling and see what can be salvaged or leave her so she can find someone to cherish her, make sure you co-parent those kids emotionally and financially - it's not their fault! - and move on.

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