Deariess....oh what do we do if a MEAN dumpee apologizes??

[Allie.]

hey cuties.

 

long story short: i dumped a dude last sunday and he's been weird since then...you know, i could possibly like him again if he stopped his clingyness but of course i didn't tell him that cuz i don't wanna lead him on, just told him i didn't like him..

Breaking Up: He had a strange "in-denial" reaction where he begged to be friends so i said yeah, and then asked me to have lunch with him the next day and i said "no, i'll tell you when we can be friends again and hang out..."etc.

 

Current situation: i thought i'd start to like him again because his clingyness [but of course i didn't tell him that] was disappearing but i came home a few days back and a message awaits me, cussing me out, calling me a "pretty face without a heart..." & hypocritical and a liar and a 'tard...for some stupid things i never did. [i think he was getting his anger out] hahaha...but yess...he told me he wanted me out of his life so i told him, "i trust your decision." and a few days have past and a huuuge apology comes from him about how sorry he is and how he promises he'll be friends with me till i'm ready to go out..etc...and more stuff....

 

The question is...to forgive or not forgive? hmm? if so, should i let him talk to me in person or what...gimmi some advice sillies...

 

i swear, i need more advice than anyone else in this place. goodness. [insert self-esteem level dropping below zero here]

 

always.

Allie.

[italianboots]

Ok, I had this same basic situation with my ex, then he started stalking me and threatened to kill himself if I didnt get back with him. Forgive him and maybe suggest NC for a few months until "you feel that you can be friends" or something. If he is good with that, and acutally follows it, then being friends may be in the future. Good luck!

[Fallout]

Hah you need less advice than most here, and u're not fooling anyone with your self esteem dropping

 

Seriously, my bet is he's not over you at all and if you hang around him now he'll only want and try to get you back, so I'd say he has to have a break from you to get over it at least somewhat...

[GottaLetItBurn]

As bad as I feel for people that are in the emotional pain of a heartbreak, that suicide thing makes me wanna barf. Literally, it's stupid. I have wanted to give, wanted to die. I can even imagine actually becoming suicidal, but suicide is something you do when you don't care about anything.

 

To blackmail someone that you will hurt yourself if they don't do what you want is incredibyl stupid, a sign of extreme selfishness that they would try and put guilt on you. When you have nothing to do with there decision to kill themselves.

 

It's self pitty, and someone that would do it is better off dead. Why would you want to be with someone that would kill themselves over lost love.

 

It's hard to get hurt, but you can't give in to this self pitty. bottom line, we can only look out for ourselves. For someone to threatin suicide if you don't do something they tell you to do, it shows they have no regard for you. Not real love.

[rightfromthestart]

my 2 cents...first of all, back off the power trip...u dumped him, he is making an effort, u turned away again, he said piss off, u reconsider...why don't you both act like bleeding adults and show each other respect...and try this...leave the 'big discussions' for later...just meet and grab a pint and relax because until u do that, nothing else will get decided...and this 'should i let him' - stop treating him like a dawd on a leash and maybe he will stop flipping an flopping...just my thoughts

[gumdrops_and_lollipops]

You wanna know what I hate...When people think its cute to mess with other peoples emotions. I have been seeing this guy for over 2 years...He told me that he was SINGLE...turned out to be wrong. Anyhow...he a COWARD because he wont answer calls or respond to me in anyway when I ask him flatout if its over. He had the nerve to tell me that I am a Jeckyl and Hyde because my messages to him keep changing. Well how is a person suppose to feel when they are being ignored and mistreated by someone. Its frustrating. So I understand where his anger is coming from. Like right said...Grow up and act like adults...If you have no interest in this person...dont even put "friends" out there...Just tell him its over and let it be done.

[annie24]

wait allie.... you seemed pretty sure a few days ago that breaking up was the right thing to do. you said you felt really strongly about that.

 

i don't think it's fair to treat him like a yo-yo. either make things work with him, or leave him alone, but don't keep messing with his mind. he deserves consideration.

[rmpavlock]

It sounds like he's just not over it and he's lashing out. I would try not to associate with him at all. He needs to know that it's over and that is that. Stick to your guns!

[Fallout]

wait allie.... you seemed pretty sure a few days ago that breaking up was the right thing to do. you said you felt really strongly about that.

 

i don't think it's fair to treat him like a yo-yo. either make things work with him, or leave him alone, but don't keep messing with his mind. he deserves consideration.

 

 

She's not messing with his mind, she wants to be friends with him and nothing more as far as I understand it...and was asking us if it's too early for that or not...I think it is since he's obviously not over her...

[astano]

My advice would be let him know that you still want to be friends but that you don't appreciate messages left like the one he left you. Tell him that you think you both need some time to cool off before the friendship can resume and that you will give him a call in a few days.

 

That is, of course, assuming you do still want to be friends.

 

If you feel that you could resume a romantic relationship with this guy then let ti go back to the friends stage first, then maybe you can get to the stage where you can discuss what went wrong the first time i.e. his clingyness.

[annie24]

i dumped a dude last sunday and he's been weird since then...you know, i could possibly like him again if he stopped his clingyness but of course i didn't tell him that cuz i don't wanna lead him on, just told him i didn't like him..

 

i thought i'd start to like him again because his clingyness

 

if she just broke up with him and is already thinking of getting back together, I would say that allie doesn't know what she wants. I would suggest that allie figure that out first before confronting the ex.

[Skippy]

muy opinion, since you broke up with him. dont be his friend and tell him that. maybe in the future but rightnow you dont like him.

Dont answer his calls avoid any contact.

He might become mean but ignor him. It will make him realise there is not future and he will be ablle to move on.

sometimes it is good the be cruel.

[Allie.]

Thanks all for the advice!!!

 

either way, firstly i wanna clear out something...i think what i said got interpreted the wrong way....i meant, that i would consider going out with him if he lost his clingyness in the future [and by future, i mean like several several several months from now] and if there was attraction between both of us again, but right now, I'm SURE its the right thing to be w/o him.

 

So yess...of course, i didn't tell him that if he changed i would be with him because right now, i just wanna be single and see what else is in the sea cuz this guy isn't working for me right now. but yess....anyway i didn't want to lead him on so i did not say anything about that...

 

I have been ignoring his calls/emails/texts/etc...since the mean email and I want him to go to NC and act like a regular dumpee and get over me ASAP. I'm sorry if any of you got the impression that i'm leading him on....because, trust me, i'm not...if anything...he probably thinks i'm a witch because i'm soo clear to him when he keeps doubting the fact that i don't like him, cuz i'm always firm and tell him: "I DONT LIKE YOU, I DON'T THINK I WILL LIKE YOU ANY TIME SOON, I'M 101% POSITIVE I DON'T LIKE YOU OR HAVE ANY TYPE OF ROMANTIC FEELINGS FOR YOU!" and i think that's why he sent me that mean email and now he's all apologetic again...

 

I mean, i know its hard when ppl are heart-broken and i know it takes time and its necessary to feel sad, and angry...and furious at your ex at times...and thats fine...he can hate me all he wants and tell his friends that he hates me...but just leave me out of it..you know? like, why do i have to be the direct source of his anger?

 

please don't misinterpret the ^ lines because its not that i like him and thats why i get upset when he says mean things about me, but rather that i get upset because i still care about him, even if i don't like him.

 

[=

[annie24]

hey allie - maybe (just an idea), why didn't you tell him his clinginess was turning you off? maybe he could have backed off? or maybe he would have just gotten angry.

 

*sigh*

 

I hope things work out well for you!

[Momene]

For both his sake and yours, please make sure that you don't give him any hope of getting back together.