is depression part of the normal break up

[jue]

its been 5mths since my ex left me for someone else..

 

is depression part of it..because no matter how hard i try i just dont seem to get anywhere..

 

they say it comes in threes..mine is more..

 

im trying to find another job with more hours..no luck so far.

my family and friends are now fed up of it all..

 

i dont drive ..no one will take me anywhere..

im up to my eyeballs in debt .

i am so alone...i have noone to talk to..

i go out as much as i can .but pple get fed up of u going.

i go out once a month..

my life summed up..i get up go to work come home thats it..wkends..i hate weekends..

i should have been on holiday this saturday

 

it seems that everything that can go worng for me does..i know i sound self pitying and i a m...

i just cant seem to get over it .any of it...

 

 

and him..he has new job.new home new life..new car....new partner..going on holiday..

 

whats wrong with me...i feel i know im depressed but i cant seem to move on..i dread meeting anyone new..who would want somoene like me..im obviously not right.

 

i cant stio crying....i really think i need help..thank you for reading

[amtjrtcet]

My sister is goin through alot of the same issues as you.

 

I don't know if you're religious at all, but God call fill the voids in your life and stop the pain if you'll let him.

[jue]

hi michelle thank you for the quick response..im not religious but i have found myself asking why..whythis happened..stupid isnt it..

 

also to add.....i have emailed him a few times a said how i feel i dont know why though . cos it makes no difference to him at all..i knowhe wont come back and i dont understand why i want him back...im just so lonely

[hockeyboy]

i think sometimes we need to make adjustments in our life and really change it for the better. i did it, and i will be doing it again.

 

i grew up in a small town and after my breakup, i got fed up with being miserable all the time. i found a job by the city and moved into the city. i started making more money and meeting new people. i worked hard and bought myself a new car. i changed my surroundings big time.

 

i love where i am right now, but have started to realize i spend to much money and that i am close to done experiencing the "city life." again, i have found a new job (outside of the city) and within the next year, i plan on moving again and living by myself.

 

my point is...you have identified what is wrong, what is bothering you, now you have to figure out what you are going to do about it? you can change things, you can help yourself, you just need to take control.

[sandyv]

I'm sorry be just as the site implies you aren't alone.... that for sure.. I'm finished with bf without even breaking it off on his side. I'm just new with this and I'm soo depressed, I can relate to your pain. I'm in debt, no thanks to the ex bf, he was on assistance, and I took care of things when he had trouble with money...... talk to me, I'm here

[amtjrtcet]

Depression can be a part of dealing with a break up, but have to overcome it.

 

I'm sure the issues you're dealing with seem so overwhelming, like you'll never get past them. Like you'll always be in debt, never find another job, never met someone.....But noone ALWAYS or NEVERS. Make sense?

 

Don't look to your ex for closure, you're not goin to find it there. You can't question yourself about what went wrong. It wasn't you or anything you did or didn't do. It was him.

 

Try and focus on turning your "luck" around. Focus on one thing at a time, so not to get overwhelmed. As for your debt, there are some great financial advisement books out there. Google em.

And don't give up on the job search, you're dream job could be right around the corner. You just gotta have faith, if you don't have faith then depression will take over.

 

Be strong, all of this will pass.

[jue]

thank you all so much for you replies..

 

i know what i have to do to change things..its just sometimes when i try i get knocked back again and again..thats when i sit .cry and wonder how the hell i got here.

i dont drive but boy i wish i did..theres a lot of things i know wish for .that just werent that important then..

 

i miss having someone to share things with..to talk to ..hug.

 

i think i depress myself.i wouldnt want to be around me..the thing is people say its been 5mtns pull ur socks up and get on with it..

 

it makes me wish i had never spent the last 11yrs with him..i wihs i hadnt knwon him since being a kid..hadnt grown up together..

 

so not only did i lose a partner i lost a friend..

 

here i go depressing myself again..

i d give myself a smack if it wouldnt hurt..lol..

 

thank you so much for your quick responses.it means alot

[amtjrtcet]

11 yrs is a very long time. No one should expect you to be over it in 5 months.

But you are right, someone who is always depressed and negative doesn't usually draw a crowd that wants to be around them. That also goes for employment...........You may not always be feeling happy, but you can fake it.

Fake it til you make it-and you will.

[sparkle1]

Sometimes its really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel..

 

I've been in a similiar way with my ex. Had a succession of really REALLY bad things happen..one after the other. Just pick myself up and BANG another thing came along.

 

have faith that you will come through this...i promise you of that. The dark days make you appreciate the sunny days...

 

You will look back at some point and realise how much you coped with, and hopefully like me, you'll feel really proud of yourself for getting throu it.

 

good luck....xx

[Stambler]

Jue,

 

Normal , very normal. It wouldn't be normal to NOT feel that way. Here's what I tell people: Think of the worst thing that ever happened to you (aside from this). You got through it didn't you? It doesn't seem like such a big deal now does it? The world didn't stop turning did it?

 

Unfortunately it takes time, but hey - you have all the time in the world. The other thing you're up against is that you have some challenges ahead (getting out of debt, learning to drive, making friends). I know right now you want to curl up in a ball and die, but try setting goals (small goals at first) to get past these hurdles. Reward yourself for small victories. Love yourself! That's right, love yourself - do things to make yourself feel better. Work out, find new hobbies, take a class, heck, drop in at a local church for a service. You'll be surprised how many people will be willing to accept you when you get involved in something. Or just get a good movie and pig out on take away food!

 

Another bit of advice - "act" happy, even if you're not inside. Try it, it's hard, you may cry when you get home, but the more you "act as if" you're happy, the more you'll realize that it's more fun than being sad! Honest, try it.

 

Are you in the UK (I noticed you say "holiday")? When I lived there I bought an Atlas and traveled to a different castle every weekend, took pictures and put them in a photo album, bought a book on each castle and read up on them, stayed at some great B&Bs and visited some unforgettable pubs...

 

I am going through a slow and painful breakup right now, but I have turned my negative energy ('cause there was A LOT of it) into working out, dieting, picking up old hobbies, taking on extra assignments at work, spending more quality time with my son, etc..

 

Hang in there, we're all here for you!

[jue]

once again thankyou

 

yes im in uk...

 

when do u start to see light at the end of the tunnel..

 

i often wonder why..why did he do this

[Stambler]

You'll start to see the light as soon as you convince yourself that you don't need to know why. Just let it go... be patient with yourself, but at the same time - let it go.

 

The only good thing that would result from you knowing "why" is to help you to not make that same mistake (IF you made a mistake) in your next relationship. Anyhow, even if you were told the real reason (and maybe you have been) you still would not accept it - I know I didn't for a LONG time.

 

Why? Well, sometimes they don't even know. Humans are very unpredictable and often not logical...