He doesn't like penetration?

[Jane_Beard]

So, about two months ago my boyfriend and I just stopped having intercourse. Usually he's the one who whips out the condom and suits up when it's time. Suddenly he's stopped doing that, even when I ask him to. I went for the condom once, and he went along with it and didn't say anything, but he seemed annoyed.

 

The other day I asked him if everything was okay, and if he still found that enjoyable. He said of course he enjoyed it. Why had we stopped then? He was concerned that the condoms might not be effective-I'm not on the pill-and that I might get pregnant. That sounds reasonable, but when I offered to go on the pill he was totally against it! He went out of his way to talk me out of taking birth control, talking about all the negative aspects. I stopped taking the pill, before we met, due to emotional side-effects. But I think I could deal with those better than the emotional effects of my boyfriend not wanting to have intercourse with me!

 

Does he not want to have that kind of intimacy, or simply not enjoy penetration?

[pregnantkitty_1985]

.....Sounds like he has an STD and doesn't want you to know.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

........I could be wrong. He may be cheating.

 

OR, he just hates the way condoms feel. I had this one boyfriend who hated, hated HAAAAATED condoms and refused to wear them and would rather do other things if he had to wear a dreaded condom. Some men find it hard to ejaculate if they have to wear a condom, or so I've read.

 

Nah really - sounds like he's one of those types that hate condoms. I think most men don't really like them, but can tolerate them. But some abhor them. Sounds like he is one of the latter.

[Gold Hawk]

It could be an STD, a pulled groin or uriniary tract infection or just a simple infection. Believe it or not he could have hurt himself too.. sprang in the cartlidge.

 

How long have you been dating him? Sleeping with him? Have you talked about STD's. Does he have any leisions on his "buddy"? possible herpes? It could be any number of things.

 

You need to ask him point blank. Its uncommon for a person to just "STOP" having intercourse unless there is underlying reasons. I can understand why you are upset. I would be too.

[Jane_Beard]

.....Sounds like he has an STD and doesn't want you to know.

 

No, definitely not. We had exams when we met. Plus, I don't think he's been with many girls (not that that means anything).

[Paranoid]

Maybe he's just scared of getting you pregnant AND is scared of the side effects of birth control, especially if you have a history of being emotionally unstable while on them. Why don't you just ask him? none of us on here know him, we don't know what he's thinking anymore than you do, we don't know him at all. I'd say he's just scared of getting you pregnant. My ex did that to me. I mean, we talked about it first...it wasn't just him stopping suddenly without telling me. But some guys worry about pregnancy more than girls do. We would have sex VERY rarely after that, and only on special occasions.

[Jane_Beard]

How long have you been dating him? Sleeping with him?

Over a year now.

You need to ask him point blank. Its uncommon for a person to just "STOP" having intercourse unless there is underlying reasons. I can understand why you are upset. I would be too.

 

I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt here, but I keep having these nagging fears that he's maybe not as into me as I am him.

[Jane_Beard]

Maybe he's just scared of getting you pregnant AND is scared of the side effects of birth control, especially if you have a history of being emotionally unstable while on them. Why don't you just ask him? none of us on here know him, we don't know what he's thinking anymore than you do, we don't know him at all. I'd say he's just scared of getting you pregnant. My ex did that to me. I mean, we talked about it first...it wasn't just him stopping suddenly without telling me. But some guys worry about pregnancy more than girls do. We would have sex VERY rarely after that, and only on special occasions.

 

I don't know if I can ask him and get an honest answer.

See, I think we're headed for a future of less sex when, if anything, I want more. I'm starting to think he just doesn't want to have intercourse. The question is: is he afraid of getting me pregnant, afraid of intimacy, or something else...

[rose2summer]

My previous ex had a fear of pregnancy too, and we stopped all of the sudden one month,

 

It's obsessive-compulsive disorder that he had, and he was so scared I would get pregnant.

[itsallgrand]

Time to have a talk with him.

 

Tell him that sex is important to you, and that you would like to share more of it with him.

 

Be firm and listen to what he has to say. It could be anything!

 

The main point is: bring it to his attention that this is a problem for you, and start talking and working towards a solution together.

 

If he blows you off or evades the convo - then I might start worrying. But first you must be firm and clear about how much it is bothering you.

 

Sound like a plan?

[Anna.]

Yeah, I think he's the only one that can solve this mystery.

So you gotta ask him whats up.

 

Tell him that it's in no way normal to just quit wanting to have sex (cause it's not) all of the sudden and you want a straight forward answer as to why the sudden change.

[Tigris]

You're going to have to talk to him and ask him to be honest with you even if he thinks he's going to hurt you or get embarrassed.

 

Tell him a relationship will only work if the two people involved communicate with each other.

 

Good luck

[Cardinal]

This may not help your case one way or the other....but if he is legitimately concerned about pregnancy, I think it is absolutely vital that you two have a discussion about what you would do if the unexpected happened. That is possible with any sexual contact and is a risk you take. Making sure you two have a game plan (adoption, raising child together, single parent, abortion etc) and that you both agree on it ahead of time. I personally won't sleep with a woman unless I know we are on the same page wrt to the issue of pregnancy and that we have at least two good forms of b/c in place.

 

What specific arguments did your b/f give to try and talk you out of using hormonal b/c pills? And doesn't he understand that is fundamentally your decision to make?

[Jane_Beard]

I think it is absolutely vital that you two have a discussion about what you would do if the unexpected happened.

 

This is a tough one for us. We've talked about contingency plans from the beginning. We both agree that it is not time for us to be parents, it would not be fair to any child, but we also see that it would be terribly difficult and heartbreaking if a "mistake" happened. I'm sure the decision to have an abortion is never easy, and we care so deeply for each other that the thought of destroying our unborn child is even more reprehensible. What would we do if the unexpected happened? Panic. We'd cry, talk to each other, and somehow we would have to make a choice.

 

What specific arguments did your b/f give to try and talk you out of using hormonal b/c pills? And doesn't he understand that is fundamentally your decision to make?

 

Perhaps he wants to make sure the choice is mine by not encouraging me in any way?

I don't know.

 

The reasons he gave against the pill were, that the pill would be expensive--my health insurance does not cover birth control, which is a huge failing of the healthcare industry IMHO--and that it wasn't worth the side effects. The thing that stumps me is, although I did tell him about some unpleasant side effects while taking the pill years ago, I never told him in detail about my experience. I had some problems with mood swings, anxiety, panic attacks, and weight gain while taking birth control. I mentioned only the "moody and fat" possibility when we first talked about birth control, and I suggested I try a different formula this time. Maybe he just doesn't want a fat girlfriend, but I don't think he's that shallow. I keep feeling like there is more to this.

[Tigris]

The only way you're going to get the answers is to ask him the questions.

 

Good luck