Broke NC, Went into her email.

[ArchToronto]

I was doing 100% NC for 20 days but last night (sept 23, 2006) I don't know why I broke it and in the worst way possible.

 

I don't know why but I couldn't help myself so i tried to log into her hotmail and I couldn't guess her password so then I got her security question right and the password was reset. I know that what I did was foolish and dumb and I'm not proud of it

 

In her email I saw that a guy sent her little emails like "missing u" and "luv u" bits. I also saw pictures of them going out together which confirmed my suspicion before that she is seeing someone. I thought I was going to cry but I didn't. My reaction kinda surprised me, I wasn't angry or bitter, I was just

shocked and confused. I don't even resent her.

 

My conclusion is that 1) she either cheated on me thats why she broke up with me 4 months ago or 2) she started to date him right after she left me. But anyways the point is if its scenario #1, it showed that she lied to my face when I asked her if it was because of another guy and the only thing that bugged me is not because she left me for someone else, its the fact that she didn't even tell me the truth about it when I asked (i deserved that at least).

 

My friends tells me that if i need final closure I should confront her about it next time I see her because I have to return somethign to her, and ask her straight up about her reason for breaking up with me, and tell her I am hurt that she lied to me.

 

I don't know if this is a good idea cause my other people tell me that even if I confront her she could easily lie about it and even if she doesn't, its not going to help that much because the fact that she left me after 3 years and being immature about everything is enough for me to move on and not waste my time with someone who is going to be like that.

 

 

Finally i would like some advice on another thing. Its about her hotmail account. Since the password was reset she can't log in now and she will most likely suspect its me. I can easily not bring it up and she will not know but the thing is I feel guilty if I don't tell her. I want to be able to move on with my life knowing that I was 100% honest and starting from a

 

clean slate. So I'm thinking that the next time I talk to her I will apologize tell her that I reset her password and give it

 

back to her.

 

Thanks for reading.

[southerngirl]

She is not your girlfriend anymore. Who she is dating or talking to isnt your concern anymore, sorry to say it.

 

You cracking into her email is an invasion of her privacy and probally illegal.

 

You shouldnt do this again.

 

Continue no contact, dont become her stalker. Whatever you do, dont confront her about this, you shouldnt even have been snooping into her email!

[Chibby33]

Well she didnt feel guily cheating on you - so you changed her email password, so what? Well it was wrong and you got hurt big time so that was your consequence; apologize to her but do not give anymore reason why you did it. Tell her "I'm sorry, it was wrong." Shorter the better. Also what other closure are you looking for?? Why confront her about the other guy when you already read the answers? Whatever she says, how will it change things? Do the right and manly thing this time. END IT WITH YOUR DIGNITY!

[ArchToronto]

Well she didnt feel guily cheating on you - so you changed her email password, so what? Well it was wrong and you got hurt big time so that was your consequence; apologize to her but do not give anymore reason why you did it. Tell her "I'm sorry, it was wrong." Shorter the better. Also what other closure are you looking for?? Why confront her about the other guy when you already read the answers? Whatever she says, how will it change things? Do the right and manly thing this time. END IT WITH YOUR DIGNITY!

 

Ya what you said is true, its not going to change anything even if I confront her about the other guy. Ya I will say sorry for the email and leave it as that and move on. Thanks

[motog]

hi , youve done what youve done and save yourself anymore pain . if your looking for a way to move on youve found it.

stay safe

[southerngirl]

There is no proof that she was cheating.

 

You two had broke up as much as it hurts she didnt have to tell you.

 

She has moved on and you should too. You broke into her email, it doesnt matter what you found.

 

You two broke up 4 months ago. If someone did that to me I would be very upset and with good reason! You had no right to do that.

[Chibby33]

I would advise you to read through the posts about "NC." It will help you stay strong I promise you. It helped me as well as everybody else. Stay focused on full recovery my friend. Use your strength and our support to move in a forward direction. You will fall, we all do, but when that happens we are here to listen and provide endless encouragement. FOCUS ON HEALING! And I would change your Hotmail before she gets access to yours.

[joyce1412]

oh no! well i'm not gonna lie, one time i tried to look at my ex's email too...thank god i couldn't get the password right!

 

now, of course, you know not to do it again. i wouldn't tell her that you hacked into it. just don't do it again. and it's not fair to ask her if she cheated if you obtained the information wrongly and illegally. just move on and try to stop wondering.

[Anna.]

Apologize, say it won't happen again (and mean it) and go NC

[Chibby33]

Apologize, say it won't happen again (and mean it) and go NC

 

I agree. If not it will haunt you for a long time. You will never move forward and recover. It's hard but you've done what you've done. I dont think she'll be upset given what she has done to you. Do the right thing ok?

[joyce1412]

weeell, i don't think that if he doesn't tell her he will "never move forward and recover." that's pretty extreme.

 

arch, you've already suffered mentally for this. you received your punishment. if you want to confess and apologize, do so, but i think you might be better off just swearing that you'll never do it to her (or anyone else) again.

[loveisaparadox]

I agree with the last post, there's no need to tell her about it unless she confronts you, but stay out of her email!

 

I'm guilty of the same thing. I was positive that my ex was lying to me about her reasons. When we are heartbroken, sometimes we do crazy things, and I checked her email and found out that yes, she was lying to me. Both actions lacked honour: her lying and my snooping.

 

I did not confront her. I found out what I needed to know to move on. I assumed that she lied to protect my feelings and left it at that. I paid the price with pain, but having my hope completely shattered was a good thing in the long run.

[ArchToronto]

Yes of course I'm never going to do anything like that again, I know it for sure.

 

I just want to come clean with her is because 1) since the password was resetted I don't know what her password is so I can't change it to the originally one and thereforeeee she can't log in ever and 2) for myself, to know that i've come clean and honest and I can live with myself.

[joyce1412]

won't she be able to reset her password using the same method you did, by answering the secret question?

 

if it really means that much to you, then by all means apologize. but i have to wonder, do you want to tell her so you can "live with" yourself, or so she'll know you found out that she may have lied?

[ArchToronto]

won't she be able to reset her password using the same method you did, by answering the secret question?

 

if it really means that much to you, then by all means apologize. but i have to wonder, do you want to tell her so you can "live with" yourself, or so she'll know you found out that she may have lied?

 

I want to do it for myself not to let her know that she may lied. If you've read my previous post, it'll show that I already knew that there was another guy.

[Sad_now]

So what if there was another guy? Maybe that's why she broke up with you, maybe it was something else. Point is - she broke up with you. If she lied, she was probably trying to go easy on you. Anyway, will her leaving you be fine if there was no-one else involved? Nope. You will hurt as much - actually you'll probably be way more confused. Don't use the reason for her leaving you as an excuse to maintain a connection.

 

If you say, I know there was another guy and she says, yes, what are you going to do? How will that change anything.

 

Also, I think you shouldn't tell her you broke into her account (coz then she will probably freak out and remain paranoid about you forever - on the other hand, if there is a reason for her to remain paranoid, go ahead and tell her - but I hope there is not Just don't do that again).

 

She'll think she mistyped her password (I've done this several times myself!) and will get a new one - and that's that.

 

Just do NC and don't use this little 'accident' to get in touch with her again. Trust mel, you will feel rejected in one way or another. Stay strong!

[beebee]

theres a demon that possess's us that we cant seem to stop... we end up doing things that we wouldnt normally do, such as breaking into her account... its so hard not to... it takes immense amounts of self control not to do these things, yet we sometimes break under the "possession"... is it obsession?... i dont think so... i think that its part of the pain and its natural... its a sickness... you were with her for so long and she was part of who you are as a person... you werent "one" but "two as one"... now shes decided for whatever reasons to go and baby, it hurts like hell...

i have no advice to give you... you will find yourself doing things you never thought were possible for you to do, so just go with it... i know you wont hurt anyone because in your sickness there is a part of you thats still sane... she may be too immature to understand where your coming from... but believe me... one day, because of the law of averages (not karma), she will feel what you feel... its just part of life...

i wish you well... God Bless...