The age old "does she like me"...

[Caldus]

I met this girl recently that I really really really really really like a lot. I mean, talk about the most amazing personality I ever seen in a girl. I met her through an online site. I don't know what to do though because she said initially that she is looking for friendship and nothing romantic or sexual. However, when we met, we had an amazing time together. We ate out and then had some coffee. We chatted for hours about all kinds of stuff and I can already see her being my new girlfriend. I figured that it wouldn't be a good idea to try to kiss her or initiate anything the first time we hung out. However, I am thinking about doing it next time we hang out, which will be some time this week. This is her most recent email by the way:

 

[Removed]

 

 

 

I will post more info on this later but could someone help me here? I really don't want to screw this up because she is one of the very very very few women that I actually genuinely like in terms of personality. Oh, and earlier this year, she broke up with her boyfriend of 3 (I think more than 3 years though). Thought I would add that in.

 

Thanks!

[finewhine]

Having come out of a 3.5 year relationship myself earlier this year, I would advise you not to lay any platitudes on her. Don't tell her she's one of the few women you actually like, don't tell her how nuts you are about her. Play it a little cool in the flattery department.

 

That said, I am sure she wants to date you. I say, go for it. I say, plan an impressive date that could lead to making out.

 

Now, please note that *you* don't *know* her. You say that you like her and all that, and that's totally valid, but in the case things don't work out, just remember not to take it personally. Deal?

[LostInMyThoughts]

I agree with FW.

 

It sounds like she does like you. Play it cool partner.

[heloladies21]

Well she's obviously into you so far so just stick with what you've been doing and you should be set. I hate to give you advice on anything in advance because I don't know too much about your previous experiences any thereforeeee bad tendancies you might have.

[annie24]

if I may ask, which online site did you meet her through? if you met her through link removed, then I would be a bit suspicious why she was there, but says she is only looking for friendship.

 

if you met her through facebook or an interest forum, then it sounds reasonable.

 

it sounds like she is interested in you - or at the very least, likes you as a friend. I agree, keep doing what you're doing.

 

good luck!

[Caldus]

Thanks for the advice so far. So some of you are saying that I should keep doing what I am doing. What does that mean though? Because I thought about inviting her to walk around the city park for a while or something and then maybe kiss her when we sit down on a bench much later on. The thing is, I don't want to try to initate anything too quickly, yet I don't know how long would be too late. We've been talking online a month before we met up the other night. She saw my ad on link removed and eventually exchanged emails for a while.

[annie24]

what kind of ad did you post on craigslist? did you say you were looking for only a friendship, or friendship or romance?

 

I wonder if she could be trying to play it cool and guard her heart, that's why she said that stuff about no romance.

 

keep doing what you're doing means just that! Keep having fun times with her... see where things go.

 

do you think she was serious about just wanting to be friends? or maybe she was playing it cool? what was your impression?

[Caldus]

The ad was for friendship actually, which I am regretting now, lol. Because I really like her a lot and I don't know at all whether she likes me more than a friend.

 

I think you're right annie. She is trying to guard her heart from the previous break-up. I think she was serious about being friends because of that as well. I can't tell whether I need to wait a while before I try to initate anything or do it soon before it's too late.

[annie24]

She is trying to guard her heart from the previous break-up. I think she was serious about being friends because of that as well. I can't tell whether I need to wait a while before I try to initate anything or do it soon before it's too late.

 

i don't know what to tell you to do. I know that i personally have been turned off when a guy has tried to make a move too fast, and when he took too long to make a move. it can really be a tricky balance!!!

 

I guess you just have to assess the situation, see what kind of "vibe" she is projecting.

 

do the guys here have some tips???

[heloladies21]

Do what you're doing in the way that you shouldn't change the way you talk to her and the natural ideas you come up with for get togethers. As for when to go for the kiss, this is something you have to develop an intuition for. Nobody can tell you when the right time is, because it might happen sooner or later than you're expecting. You might want to kiss her before you go on the walk on the way there, while you're walking, after the park, on the way home, as you drop her off. There are verbal and non-verbal signals you can look for which will tip you off, like the look in her eyes, the tone of her voice, how close she is to you, her breathing. You have to experience this stuff to get a feel for it.

[heloladies21]

And as for the friends thing, don't be so worried about it. At this stage of the interaction, the label on you two means absolutely nothing because you two aren't anything yet. Lots of people go into things not looking for either marriage or a relationship (seems desperate and too serious).

 

Whether you get plopped in the friendzone has a lot more to do with the way you come accross to her instead of what you say you're looking for going in. Taking things to a physical level at the appropriate time (ie. a kiss) is a great way to let her know that you aren't just looking for a friendship.

[Honey Pumpkin]

I'm rubbish at this, but are you guys sort of flirting and touching each other as you talk? You know what I mean, does she touch your arm and stuff when she's talking? That's always a good sign.

 

The other thing is the eye contact - I remember with one guy who I wasn't sure if he liked *liked* me, there was this incredible look between us. That was a zinger.

 

I agree, carry on as you're doing, but kiss her hello/goodbye. I've never worried too much about the friendzone, to be honest - for me, that only kicks in after a few years, lol! Seriously, it's not such a big deal, but that's only my opinion.

 

Anyway, good luck with her!

[Caldus]

No, we didn't really touch or flirt or anything. At least I didn't detect any flirting from her. Then again, I am horrible at detecting the signs.

 

So should I invite her to eat dinner with me and then take a walk in the park? And then while we're in the park, I would give her a kiss (or maybe earlier if it feels right)? What do you guys think? Should I give it a week or two before I try anything like that? Maybe she would start getting the hint if I paid for her dinner and then maybe she will start showing signals.

 

And yes, the eye contact thing is important. I know. I guess a good time to kiss would be when it gets quiet and we are looking at each other for a few seconds or something.

[heloladies21]

Well to be honest a lot of this stuff is addressed in those "player" sites you always rip on me about , but it's cool I'll just tell you instead.

 

Flirting is very important, it's not just normal joking around like you would do with your buddies. A good example of this flirty teasing style is Mike Myers in those Austin Powers movies. Howard Stern also flirts very wekk when he's talking to female guests. You can do this walk in the park stuff, that's fine. You can go for something to eat first, just don't think it has to be anything too fancy. You can pay for her, but don't get into the habit of doing it all the time because you don't want to sabotage situations by flashing free meals in front of girls when you could make the same impression without spending on them.

 

She will start showing you indicators of interest (IOI's) to you when you have attracted her sufficiently. I highly recommend either the videos or ebook by my man Mystery at link removed he explains it really well. Take a look at the sample vids to see if this makes sense to you.

[Caldus]

Yeah looks like I might need to do some reading. But I mean, she isn't really the type that you would use those techniques on. She and I have a lot in common and we seem to be on the same 'level' or very close to it, which is something I have never experienced. But I mean, I guess a little harmless flirting may just do the trick. I don't have a clue how to flirt though. At least not how to do it the right way and to make sure I am not going too far or something.

 

Do you have guys have better ideas than the park thing?

[Lansing]

ok.. Do NOT take things so seriously in terms on planning. The reality is, if the chemistry is there, it doesn't matter where you go, you will both have fun and enjoy each others company. Also, do not plan WHEN you will kiss her.. Do not plan to kiss her on a certain park bench or in your car, or whatever... Just let things develop naturally. If you don't know how to let things develop, that is when reading up on the stuff posted above could help you...

[Caldus]

You're right. I shouldn't plan all of this. I should just let things flow naturally and see how it goes. If it feels right, then go for it. I'll just go out and have fun.

[_Just_a_girl]

If you like this girl so much, then why would you paste her email here for everyone to see? Think she might not find that an attractive quality. Good luck mate.

[Caldus]

If you like this girl so much, then why would you paste her email here for everyone to see? Think she might not find that an attractive quality. Good luck mate.

 

True.

 

I went ahead and removed it.

[heloladies21]

Yeah looks like I might need to do some reading. But I mean, she isn't really the type that you would use those techniques on. She and I have a lot in common and we seem to be on the same 'level' or very close to it, which is something I have never experienced. But I mean, I guess a little harmless flirting may just do the trick. I don't have a clue how to flirt though. At least not how to do it the right way and to make sure I am not going too far or something.

 

Do you have guys have better ideas than the park thing?

To be honest with you, I think the specific tactics like memorized lines are some of the most useless things on the sites. They might only be good as examples for you to think up variations on, but even then as soon as you're done saying that stuff, you're left with the same problem "What do I do/say now?" The more important stuff are general problems of viewing dating in general, like noticing tests and handling them. In your case you'd want to research some of their storieson how things progressed with their encounters. Like how and when things got physical and what was going through their minds when they did it.

[annie24]

yeah, I agree with heloladies. Lines won't help, it's all about your individual connection. brad pitt could come up to me and say anything, even listing produce prices at his supermarket, i would be intrigued. And a guy I'm TOTALLY uninterested in, probably nothing he could say would change my mind.

 

pay attention to the "vibe" you get from her. Is she looking deep into your eyes? ok... I have noticed this from men, but when I feel that a guy is interested in me, I see he is looking deeply into my eyes, and his pupils dialate. That is just my observation though. but I wouldn't be surprised if this holds true for women. pupil dialiation is a sign of arousal (or entering a dark room, LOL).

 

when you hang out together, does she touch you when she doesn't need to? like grabs your arm, or wants to see your hand, etc... that is a good sign.

[Caldus]

OK so we went out again tonight. Had a great time again. This time we exchanged more eye contact in general and did a lot of subtle touching (not in the no no spots of course, lol). Like we went out to play some minature golf. So during each of the holes, when we finished our shots, we would look up at each other and sort of grin. At one point we exhanged eye contact for about a good three seconds and then she looked away first. Then towards the end of the course I patted her on the back saying "it's OK" teasingly when she screwed up. Kinda teased her alot in general, lol. Then she invited me to go with her friends somewhere this weekend. So we'll see how it develops from here. I have to remember that she initially said she wanted to be friends so I shouldn't try anything too quickly. Then again, maybe I should've gone for the kiss. Who knows.

[annie24]

maybe next time, give her a friendly kiss on the cheek hello or goodbye and see how she reacts to that....

[Caldus]

Yeah I suppose. But next time I will be going out with her friend. Don't know if I should do it in front of her. I can't quite tell if she likes me more than a friend or not.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Only one why to find out ask her