a little venting

[lostsoul989]

sigh okay i did something really stupid last night and have been up allday because of it

okay i got a wild hair and there really isnt a excuse for me to of had done this but theres been alot of drama around me everything is going bad i mean everything.

 

anyways i check my ex gf mail and found out she is 5 weeks pregnant and we broke up 6 weeks ago. im so heart broken and lost and i shouldnt of been snooping.

 

anyways i told her what i did she wasnt happy about it prolly still isnt.

but i think she forgave me. i asked her a question if she was still in love with me and she said no but she can still see me in the end a little bit.

 

i guess im stuck in a rut im lost between leaving for overseas and my parnts are spliting or not spiliting there just so much drama i dont know what to do.

 

i have nothing to look forward to not even the military.

the goals i have had once before dont even matter nothing really does.

 

i wont do anything stupid but i hurt my best friend by snooping im sorry for it but im glad i found out. i love her to death and im in love with her.

 

i guess its my fault for having a mutaul break up and thinking things could change in the future. so lost!!!

 

cant decide if i want to walk completely out of her life or stay there and be friends.

all i know is im hurt cause i was in this relationship for 6 years and i dunno what to do. i just wish i had some strength and something going for me.

[bungalo]

First of all,

 

I am sorry about your breakup after so many years. Why did you two breakup? Secondly, reading someone else's mail-ESPECIALLY your ex's

is a boundary issue. In her eyes you invaded her man, and she will

more than likely NEVER trust you again. I hacked into my ex's email...I

don't think she knew...but she changed her password after many years...

so I don't know. You are seeing everything through the eyes of pain and isolation...so remember that you will not feel this way forever. Don't reject yourself because you both rejected the relationship. You do have strength..you will carry on and do ok in your career FOR YOU. NOT HER or the relationship. People come and go...and don't push for a reconciliation.

THe best way to heal is to have no contact with her-and that means everything..no letters, calls, text messages...driveby's etc. Work on yourself and you will attract another relationship. I am going through the same thing and it hurts like hell...(although she broke it off with me and I didn't want it). but I know it will pass. The only exception in your case is if she wants to talk to you about the future child she is carrying. Then it's time to take responsibility .Peace