my boyfriend's stepmom hates me/deceiving friend

[italianboots]

Ever since I started dating my boyfriend, his step mom has not liked me. She is still friends with my boyfriend's ex, and she has spread all kinds of nasty rumors about me and told her. Rather than being a responsible adult and not believe the bitter graveling of a jealous ex, she sends my boyfriend an angry email telling him all the lies. As this point in time, I had only met my boyfriend's dad and step mom once and had spent about one hour at their house. As I left, I could tell something was wrong and that they didnt like me. Well, when I heard about the rumors I was really upset and was ready to call his step mom and give her a piece of my mind, and the rest of the people involved in it as well, but I knew doing that would only get my boyfriend in trouble with his family. So I said nothing and held my tongue. Until yesterday, Id said nothing bad about any of the people that have caused so much drama in my life. I was feeling anxious and felt like I was being attacked by people who didnt even know me. I wrote something about my boyfriend's step mom and her parenting skills in a myspace blog that was posted only for my friends to see. Somehow, my boyfriend's step mom found this and called me at 7 am to confront me about this, but she just started screaming so I just hung up. Then she called again but I didnt answer. Then she called my boyfriend at work and yelled at him and called me all kinds of names and said that Im not allowed to come to their house and all this other junk!

So, what do I do about his step-mom and what do I do about the supposed "friend" who ratted me out?

[DaDancingPsych]

I didn't read the blog, but is it possible that you owe his stepmom an apology? True or untrue, it's never particularly kind (nor smart) to post negative things about someone. Never trust the friend locks. When posting on the internet, assume ANYONE can read it!

 

Secondly, it's too bad that his stepmom has let someone else make a judgement call for her. That's a shame. I would suggest taking the higher road. Don't TELL her she's wrong, SHOW her she's wrong. Whatever these lies may be, simply show that they are wrong by being YOU! No need to get into shouting matches, giving someone a piece of your mind, just act as you normally would. Stooping to these sorts of things only proves that you are what others are saying that you are. With time (and hopefully an open mind of her own), she will see you for who you are. And if she doesn't, I feel sorry that she can't think on her own.

[flower99]

Yes I think this is great advice.

wow what a mess, I am so sorry.

But if things don't get better, keep in mind..if you marry him, you marry his step mom...do you want to be attached to her for life?

[italianboots]

I would love to show her that Im wrong, but Im not allowed to go into her house. Im also sure that she has no desire to see me or even be around me for long enough to prove it. As per the blogs, Ive deleted all of them that I have ever written because I am honestly tired of it all. Its hard for me to tell her Im sorry and mean it when she has said so many aweful things about me. Maybe I have people issues, but I would rather hold a grudge for life then tell someone Im sorry when they do not deserve it.

Thanks flower99 for the reminder of who you marry when you get married.

It would really suck to realize that our great relationship is going downhill because some people cannot grow up and get over things.

[flower99]

Yes it would be a hit to your pride to apologize when you don't feel she deserves it. It would be insincere...I totally understand that.

Maybe your apology doesn't have to be apologizing for what you said, but rather for handling it poorly. Apologize for not going to her first with this, and letting her know how you were feeling & that you felt she has some misconceptions of you.

 

Where does your bf stand with all of this? Why isn't he clearing these issues & standing up for you? how long have you been together? Personally at this point..I think he should be stepping in

[italianboots]

He has tried to clear it up. He hates conflict, especially with his family. We've been together for almost 4 months. I keep trying to get him to talk to all the crazies, but he feels indebted to his parents because they loaned him some money and telling them off would not be a very good idea. He did talk to his dad when some of the rumors started, but he says he cant really talk to his step-mom because she just goes crazy.

I feel like Ive wrecked everything, but I know its not all my fault. I would apologize if I knew it would make any difference, but I feel like it woudlnt. The damage is done, now its my turn to clean it up. Again.

[flower99]

Yeah I understand that. She doesn't sound like someone easy to talk to & sounds stubborn & close minded.

Your right the damage is done, but I believe that this is a warning sign of what the rest of your life with him will be like.

If he feels indebted to his parents now, he always will...And if he can't talk to is step mom right now when *&^% flies involving you......when will things change?

[italianboots]

True. He and I are going to have a little chat when he gets home. Thanks guys!

[flower99]

((hugs)) what a mess...all because of gossip....I wish you luck & happiness...keep us posted

[italianboots]

Now her daughter is calling my house and leaving me rude messages. Gah!

[Siriana]

How was your bf attitude over this (before myspace incident) while she was telling him things about you? Has he stood my your side telling her it's none of her business? If not i suggest you to leave him - you don't need a crazy mother in law and a bf who is easy to get manipulated by his mother (srew the money they gave him)

[flower99]

How are you doing?

Any progress? have things improved? how did the talk with the boyfriend go?