HOW DO i GET OVER HIM?

[benita]

how do u get over someone you love and I had to break it off with him cause of his addiction to porno.

 

It hurts badly, My heart is bleeding as I wanted him to want me and not his porn but after 2 1/2 yrs of him getting his sexual desire over porn, I had to let go but I love him.

 

How do I get over it? and why did he chose porn over me. I am "according to guys".. sexy looking, I look after myself.. I am not abese.. could loose a few kilos but not obese...

 

Why did he have to use his sexual energy with them and leave what was left of his sexual energy for me?

 

I am crying so much, I find life is a real downer and I dont get it...... he says I am sexy, he is totally attracted to me but he gets his rocks of with them instead of me

 

I feel sleezy, downgraded, humiliated

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Anyone would feel sleazy, downgraded, humiliated.

 

Try a thinking-shift. Do not look at it as though YOU are not good enough - because any human being is absolutely superior to the sick pornography industy - see yourself as someone who, through NO fault of her own, fell for someone who wasn't compatible with her.

 

Accept that it may take time to get over him. Anyone you've been with for a while is. But know that in a few months, you will feel VERY grateful for having dumped him.

 

I admire you, well done for leaving. My sincere congratulations on that.

[Sad_now]

Alot of men look at porn. Is that really reason to dump someone after 2 years? What was he like in other aspects of life? If he was fun, loving and caring, maybe you should give him a chance. However, if he is NOT the above, then that's why you should leave. Also, how into porn was he? If ALOT in the sense that it consumed his life, that's an addiction for which he may need help. If he is unwilling to accept his problem, that's indicative of someone who hasn't done much self-reflection. I don't knwo whether you should stay or leave, but you need to know WHY you are doing what you are doing. You should tell yourself that you are leaving him because he is unwilling to face his issues and come to a mature resolution (which makes it easier to let go) rather than say I left him because he likes porn (in which case ALOT of people will think you're over-reacting which you may not be at all whatsoever) which is just frustrating and doesn't give closure.

All the best.

[Honey Pumpkin]

This is such a minefield - a minefield for the new millennium, more so that ever, eh? I don't know - if it was a problem for you, then it was a problem. Each person has to judge for themselves what they think. Their own comfort zones, and you knew that this was not right for you. That's fine, Benita, you've made your decision. Other people would maybe make different decisions, but that's true of just about everything!

 

Did you talk this through with your boyfriend? Really explain to him how you felt and asked him what he thought? That would be my own query, but now you need to focus on healing. be kind to yourself, talk to your friends and family, go easy.

 

Take care!

[benita]

thankyou members for your support and to "SAD NOW", If your partner is having his sexual needs fulfilled to porn instead of being with me, to me, thats a major problem.

 

I want the man of my life to be wanting sex with me, I want to please him, I dont want to be sitting at home knowing that his sexual pleasure is with porn.

 

So many times I told him, it was them or me, the continual lies about...

 

all the times when he couldnt cum with me as he had already done that with them.

 

I dont deserve that.

 

It hurts, it hurts badly, it hurt real bad when he couldnt cum to me, after not being with me for 8 days. He is never short of a quick fix to his sexual desires.

 

So many times we argued about it, he new it hurt me, he new it made me feel dirty...

 

So many times when we were having sex I wondered if he was thinking abt them as his desires were met with them more than me.

 

It gives me the creeps. I call is sleeze, I call it cheating.... it has hurt me very badly mentally

[sunwillshine]

Hi Benita,

Addiction...that is what destroyed my relationship. It wasn't to porn but to drugs. It is hard but don't take it personally...he has a problem that he has to acknowledge and want to get help for because he realizes it is ruining his life. I begged, pleaded, cried, and loved him to get help...one day I realized love does not cure all...and I walked away. The HARDEST thing to do but the most necessary for me and for him. He did end up in rehab but we are no longer...I am glad he got help but am sad that we had to end because of his addiction.

How am getting over him? Slowly but surely by focusing on me, working on me, taking care of me...For too many months it was about him and his problem...I ran myself down: physically, mentally, and emotionally. I grieved and then one day I started to live again...I felt all the feelings, shared them, wrote, read, cried...I just went through the process...And I am now living outside the pain...and living my life.

When it comes to addiction this phrase helped me: I did Not Cause it, I can Not Control, and I can Not Cure it...it helped to realize addiction is bigger than me and my love...

Take care of you! Gee

[timlondon]

Personally I think that the issue isn't that he's into pron, it's that he's not really into you. How is his pron use affecting the rest of his life? Somehow if it's limited to messing up your sex life I don't think it's really an addiction, but if it's affecting his work, he's socialising less and profoundly influencing several areas of his life then he needs to seek help.

 

Doesn't mean that what he's doing is acceptable, of course. You're feeling humiliated and let down, and I think you're totally right to leave him. Doesn't sound like he's likely to change either - but maybe he'll have enough of a shock when you leave to take a long, hard look at himself.

[Relax]

Accept that you are perfect, beautiful and strong, focus on your good qualities instead of feeling down.

 

What things do you like to do and feel happy?,You see you have the ability to feel good about yourself, If you think he is not going to change then why not looking for someone else instead of being hurt.