law4life Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 Hello, for some odd reason I seem to keep attracting the same type of guy. I have even made a guy wait for a very long time before intimacy, it still turns out the same. I am unsure if there is something I am doing, I have never figured out men, or the relationship thing. I think when that ability was passed out I must have been sleep or something. Need advice really bad, especially from men. I am sweet, and strong, I am told I have all the qualities a man could want, yet, I am always getting the short end of the stick... Link to comment
FortunateOne Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 I don't mean to pry, but I would need to know more to accuratly tell you what can be the issue. Who are you as a person in detail? Have you soul searched for your indentity? What's your circumstances that lead to this cycle? Where are you finding or attracting these guys? Why do you feel it's you and not them? Do you know what you want in a man's indentity? How do you act when the right guys are around? Link to comment
Dako Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 I have even made a guy wait for a very long time before intimacy, it still turns out the same. The same as what? Link to comment
Ipso Fracto Man Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 And how long have you had this problem? Link to comment
law4life Posted September 17, 2006 Author Share Posted September 17, 2006 I don't mean to pry, but I would need to know more to accuratly tell you what can be the issue. Who are you as a person in detail? Have you soul searched for your indentity? What's your circumstances that lead to this cycle? Where are you finding or attracting these guys? Why do you feel it's you and not them? Do you know what you want in a man's indentity? How do you act when the right guys are around? I am a full time student, I work, and have children. I have the weekends to date and enjoy myself. I make time for all things, of course by priority. I cook, and do everything in my relationships I think would make the other person feel appreciated. I have been told by a couple of guys I seem too good to be true and that makes them feel nervous. Like theres some kind of catch. I am attentive and emotional, I think for some men, they arent ready for a woman like me, maybe because I act like their wife or something. I have to admit, I don't like casual sex, so maybe that is the problem too. Link to comment
law4life Posted September 17, 2006 Author Share Posted September 17, 2006 And how long have you had this problem? For many years, I would say since 1998. Link to comment
law4life Posted September 17, 2006 Author Share Posted September 17, 2006 They seem to be great to start, much like the guy I have been seeing. Once I became pregnant I found out he is married, and has a lot of other baggage I cant deal with. Link to comment
friscodj Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 I feel like I have (had?) the same problem with women. What I've done before is simply walk away from relationships for a while in hopes to "reset the switches" hopefully "forgetting" these habits along with it. The other tactic is date guys who are so different than what you are used to. It will feel unnatural at first and "not right" because of your estabilshed habits but this is OK. Keep going with it. Break the habit. Link to comment
FortunateOne Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 I don't know if it's me but it seems you have a self worth issue. This is like a magnet to non-healthy guys. Are pregant by him? Well, there are so many questions of how this happened, aside from the biological. You might need a moment of reflection on what's occurred here. One thing I will say that good men wait to have sex, great men wait until the final commitment of marriage. You say wait for a while before sex. How long? A bad man will not wait around too long; about three months. I think after you deal with this situation some sort of paradigm shift should be instituted in what you project to men so as to get the well deserving men to pay attention. Link to comment
now_better Posted September 17, 2006 Share Posted September 17, 2006 just wondering, where do you usually meet these guys? Link to comment
law4life Posted September 18, 2006 Author Share Posted September 18, 2006 Yes, this guy waited for a year and a half, that is so confusing to me. He played the waiting game very well. I have learned my lesson, however, harsh it may be, I have learned. Link to comment
law4life Posted September 18, 2006 Author Share Posted September 18, 2006 I met my recent guy through campus, we were both into politics, so that is how our relationship began, as a casual friendship. We had lunch and long conversations about religion, life, and many other topics. I have never met a man in a club or bar, I have met men from average places like church, or through mutual friends. I have tried to be selective, I think from not having a strong male figure around, I did not learn the skill of knowing when a guy is real or not. I trust toooo easily. Link to comment
FortunateOne Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 You need to discern more about these men and books are agreat guide to this. My sister and female friends love Dr. Laura's (link removed) advice of childhood issues and women mate selection. Also "Help, I'm In Love with a Narcissist" by Steven Carter & Julia Sokol is a great way to find out which men are selfishly in it for themselves. Since you've mentioned church above as a place you meet these guys read the whole book of Proverbs to really discern which men deserve a wonderful Godly woman. These suggestions should give you a good starting point to make that paradigm shift towards finding and picking the right level headed and caring men. link removed Link to comment
law4life Posted September 18, 2006 Author Share Posted September 18, 2006 You need to discern more about these men and books are agreat guide to this. My sister and female friends love Dr. Laura's (link removed) advice of childhood issues and women mate selection. Also "Help, I'm In Love with a Narcissist" by Steven Carter & Julia Sokol is a great way to find out which men are selfishly in it for themselves. Since you've mentioned church above as a place you meet these guys read the whole book of Proverbs to really discern which men deserve a wonderful Godly woman. These suggestions should give you a good starting point to make that paradigm shift towards finding and picking the right level headed and caring men. link removed I will do that. For now I am out of the dating scene, I am focusing on myself, family, education, and work. All other things will come in the future. I will wait until the right man shows me he deserves me completely. At this point I just want to rest, love, and enjoy my life. My "roller coaster ride" with this man is over. It feels good to not speak to him, it is more than empowering. I give him no attention, and no communication though I am with child. What an awesome way to re-gain my self-worth, and protect the baby from stress while inside me. When and if he ever decides to contact me, there will be no straws for him to grap onto, yet, I know in my heart this type of man won't care whether I am around or not, becuase he is oblivious to anything meaningful, kind, or true. Link to comment
FortunateOne Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 This is a great attitude to approach this life changing decission. Remember we're hre to support you and advice on how to develop a healthy life too. Link to comment
law4life Posted September 20, 2006 Author Share Posted September 20, 2006 thanks I appreciate it Link to comment
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