When will I be able to see ex/his new girl and NOT hurt??

[moonflowers]

Oh, ow. I didn't go seeking this one out, but while I was casually surfing link removed, I ran into a wall post from the ex's new girl, who was posting on a male mutual friend's page. I'd made sure to block the ex on Facebook, but not the new girl, thinking that I wouldn't be seeing much of her anyway since she's not in my university network.

 

Anyway... here I was, thinking I was healing and getting over it all, and noticing she's "friended" this guy, hearing about her picking him up from the airport, seeing her mention my ex by name, somehow elicited a strong reaction from my gut. From what I'd heard originally through the grapevine, this guy was really against my ex getting with this new girl so quickly, but now he's "friends" with her. I feel a bit like I've lost an ally of sorts.

 

I have no blinking idea why my reaction was so extreme, since I've been feeling incredibly positive and happy recently, feeling more "over it" than ever, and then all it takes is seeing the new girl's comment on my friend's wall and my stomach suddenly does backflips and a strange feeling runs up my back.

 

It's been nearly 6 months since my ex of 1 yr 8 mos dumped me, and around 2 months since my ex started seeing this new girl. I thought I'd really gotten over the initial shock of seeing them listed as being "In A Relationship" together on Facebook (no, I do have a life offline I'd worked up the courage to block his profile around a month ago and thought it'd be the end of it. Before I'd finally decided to block him, I'd at least gotten to the point where looking at pics of them together didn't hurt me as much anymore.

 

I've been trying for these 6 months of separation to "move on" as much as I can, but this is disheartening. There's a slim possibility that my ex and I will end up running into each other again in a year's time, when he returns to grad school and I keep going in my graduate work. I don't want to keep losing normal gastrointestinal function every time I run into him on campus, and if he brings her to visit..!

 

Why did it hurt so much to see her face and read about her mentioning my ex by name? Is it because I haven't really let go enough yet, or is it a remembered reaction to the first time I saw her name and pretty much fell to pieces? And, if so... when will this end?

 

Thank you all so much for your support...

[Caterina]

Stay away from facebook...it has the tendency to do that...don't let your curiosity get the best of you. Part of you probably still cared for him, but you've broken up for a reason, right?

[moonflowers]

It was a chance encounter, though, that really jarred me so badly. I hadn't been looking for her on purpose; I found her by accident on the page of someone I thought would be the last person on earth to befriend her.

 

It's these random encounters that really drive me nuts; how on earth will I ever be prepared to handle them?

[annie24]

hi - you'll get better as more time goes by. you were with him for a while!

 

I am the same way as you. the point where it doesn't hurt me anymore is when I am in a happy relationship with someone new.... at least that's been my experience.....

[NJRon]

You will get over it and it is not uncommon, well after the fact, when running accross something like that to feel how you did. I have and I am more mad at myself than anything for thinking I should be over someone yet still have such a reaction. The reaction to my reaction being more of the issue than anything. It's the little judgemental portion of my mind telling me that I shouldn't be feeling this way... I just have to tell it to be quiet and I will feel the way I want to feel.

 

Don't let it get you down... you're moving along fine on your own. If you felt that way just let it go a realize it's just a feeling that you had and it will pass (if it already hasn't)... don't think any worse for having the feeling... it'll pass.

[moonflowers]

Thanks annie and NJRon for letting me know I'm not a clingy freak. I just keep hearing a lot of "shouldn't you be over it by now?" from friends/family, so sometimes I can't help but get frustrated with my own "slow" progress. Even if they don't understand, I can only accept that I'll do greater harm if I try to deny these feelings when they come.

 

I think a large part of my difficulty in letting go comes from the fact that everything about the new girl and my ex has come to me through the rumor mill or via Facebook. It's a really surreal feeling to go from being in the thick of the action to knowing about it but not seeing any evidence for it myself (not that I'd want to run into the happy couple!).

[joyce1412]

It was a chance encounter, though, that really jarred me so badly. I hadn't been looking for her on purpose; I found her by accident on the page of someone I thought would be the last person on earth to befriend her.

 

i realize that you came accross that information on facebook by accident, but you have to take responsibility for the future. no one's chiding you for coming accross that, it was unexpected, but you need to realize that you have the ability to dramatically decrease the chance of that happening in the future by controlling your internet use. for example, try just going on to check messages or your own wall, and don't let yourself read the info on other's walls, even if you think coming accross hurtful information is a really slight possibility. it won't hurt you to spend less time on facebook...if anything, you'll enrich your life by limiting your time on a computer and instead going out into the world.

 

you should also think about telling all your friends to never tell you a THING about your ex to decrease the "rumor mill" factor. ignorance is BLISS in this sort of situation. it's time for you to start living your life free of concerns about what he's doing or who he's with. the less you know, the less your head will go to these places.

 

you're completely allowed to still be hurting, any sensitive person cannot fault you for that. but take some control back by doing your part in monitoring the information flow.

 

and i think if you see him in a year, you're going to care a LOT less than you think you do right now. right now he's very much someone you love and care about. at that point, he'll be someone you USED to love and care about. you'll basically be strangers. plus, you have no idea where you'll be in a year--physically, emotionally, or mentally--so no use predicting.