ycmanvs Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 i don't know what to do. my boyfriend of 2 years is calling me tonight to talk about the relationship...about potentially breaking up. we get along really well and understand eachother. however, he is a sex addict and gaming addict with a very short attention span. i have been very tolerant...of his issues. last week he got angry because he felt that we were spending too much time together. he went home and did not call me. i tried the NC thing for 5 days, but i needed to know what was going on, so i called him at work. he said he was thinking that maybe we should break up because he feels like i am too posessive and he is unhappy....he also said that he was looking at the pros and cons of the relationship.... i have no idea what to do tonight...i'd like to try to work things out but i do not think i can handle him dating other people.... Link to comment
Momene Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 See the thread about recent break-ups. Link to comment
Meow18 Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 First of all, welcome to Enotalone! You have to respect what your boyfriend wants. And it might hurt to hear that he wants to break up, but if that's the case, then you need to respect his choice. I'm sorry that you are feeling the way you are, but I don't blame you. But honestly, I think you deserve better than him. He's a sex addict and game addict? Are those issues that you want to deal with forever? Whatever happens, we will always be here for you. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 14, 2006 Author Share Posted September 14, 2006 well, the line he keeps giving me is that he "does not know what to do with me"...after 2 years of seeing someone almost every single day...i don't see how i can just never talk to him again, or at least get some closure. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 14, 2006 Author Share Posted September 14, 2006 i looked at the thread, but we are not even 'officially' broken up yet, so i have no idea how to react....i'd like to try to work things out, but i don't know if he feels the same way. Link to comment
kellbell Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 Hi there and welcome to eNotAlone! If he has issues with addictions then it is going to seem like you are "nagging" him all the time, there is not much you can do about that. Seriously, do you want to deal with these addictions for the rest of your life, especially if he is not appretiative of you and what you do for him? If he wants to end it, then you have to respect his wishes. Try not beg, plead, bargin with him because that will make it worse. I know this will be hard but from the sound of your post, you have been dragging your feet through the mud for some time. Perhaps you need a break and re-discover yourself. As Meow18 said, we will be there for you no matter what. Good luck and let us know what happens. (((hugs))) Link to comment
Momene Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 i looked at the thread, but we are not even 'officially' broken up yet, so i have no idea how to react....i'd like to try to work things out, but i don't know if he feels the same way. This may sound critical but after 3/4 years on this and other message boards, if a relationship where you're not even living together need a lot of sorting out, it can't be that good. I sincerely wish you luck but I'd say the odds are against it. Link to comment
Closure Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 What's a gaming addict please folks? Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 14, 2006 Author Share Posted September 14, 2006 we both have issues with commitment....that's why we understand eachother so well...we do not want to live together unless we decide to get married, and up until last week we spent almost every night together, either at my place or his....the point is....what happens this week will make or break the relationship....i am only asking how i should act...what i should say...to get my point accross....which is to say..."that no matter what his flaws are, i am willing to accept him, and work with him" Link to comment
kellbell Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 Yes, but dealing with his flaws like you have been has gotten you nowhere and now he is accusing you of being possessive and nagging. I have taken that route before in the past, dealing with one of one my ex's drinking problem and it got out of hand. By tolerating his behavior in this relationship, you are enabling him to continue having these addictions and not getting the help he needs. Addictions are quite toxic and unhealthy in relationships. Gaming addiction= computer games, gambling is my my understanding of it. Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 What's a gaming addict please folks? An extreme video game freak. Plays video games all the time. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 14, 2006 Author Share Posted September 14, 2006 i agree, but what do you do to help someone? if you care about a person, shouldn't you try to be there for them? it's not that easy to say..."oh, he's an addict, so i'll leave him"...i have my problems and he was there for me. Link to comment
kellbell Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 You cannot take on his problems and make them your own. HE needs to help himself. If he does not see he has a problem or will not get help, then there is nothing you can do. True, he may have been there for you during your problems BUT I suspect you helped YOURSELF in the process instead of making him take on the grunt of YOUR issues. See the difference? By you taking on his problems like that is being co-dependent and controlling. Perhaps, in your opinion he needs help, however, it does not matter. If he is happy with the way he is, or too afraid or too lazy to make any changes, he will not. Even if he would make the decision in dealing with the addictions he has, there is no guarantee that once he is better, that two of you would be compatible.* *(Paraphrased by another member here, Shes2Smart, whom gives excellent advise. ) Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 14, 2006 Author Share Posted September 14, 2006 ok, so what do i say to him tonight? i do not want to break up, but i do not want to force him to stay with me either. Link to comment
kellbell Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 Okay, If he wants to break up, then there is not much you can do. He made his decision and you have to respect it. Crying, begging, bargining, pleading is only going to push him away and perhaps make him feel gulity. You do not want to someone to stay with you out of pity or guilt. If he is not sure, or wants to work things out, then come up with a plan. What does he need from you, what do you need from him. What parts of the relationship need to be worked on. How much time are you going to spend together each week? It sounds like you both spend every moment you could with each other and not engaging in activities outside the relationship. It is important to maintain your identity while being in a relationship. I would not do this over the phone, I would do this face to face. Over coffee or something. If he wants to work it out, suggest meeting up somewhere. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 14, 2006 Author Share Posted September 14, 2006 i am very emotional right now. it will be very difficult for me to talk to him tonight. i hope it all turns out for the best. Link to comment
kellbell Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 Perhaps meet some time this weekend. When you had a chance to calm down a bit. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 15, 2006 Author Share Posted September 15, 2006 he DID NOT CALL...so i guess it's time for the NC... i must believe we are officially broken-up, so that i can move on. actions DO speak louder than words, and the fact that he has no respect for me is an indication of the type of person he truly is....i am better off alone. any advice on coping? i have many good friends who are spending time with me so i should be ok, right? Link to comment
Momene Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 Check my recent break-ups thread. Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 any advice on coping? i have many good friends who are spending time with me so i should be ok, right? Hang out with your friends try and have some fun. Spend some time with people that care about you. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 18, 2006 Author Share Posted September 18, 2006 I did not call him. He emailed four times on Friday. I did not respond. On Saturday, he called wondering what was happening. I told him that I did not want to argue with him. He said he'd like to get together to talk, so I told him he could try calling this week to see if I had any free time. He emailed this morning thanking me for taking his call. Should I respond to this email? He asked me a trivial question about something, but did not mention when he would like to meet....so I do not feel like I have to respond. Link to comment
Momene Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 I think this has run it's course, so no contact for a while. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 18, 2006 Author Share Posted September 18, 2006 I do not want to break up with him. I just am trying to figure out if things can be worked out or not. I am not contacting him though. Link to comment
Momene Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 I sympathise with you, having been in the same position more than once but if someone really wants to split with you, there's nothing you can do to stop it. Acceptance that it's over is the hardest part. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 18, 2006 Author Share Posted September 18, 2006 He does not want to break up. I am just sick of the way he treats me, so I am putting an end to it....not the relationship..... Link to comment
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