Embarking on the lonely NC Highway

[ozomega]

For members who are not aware of my recent problems with my wife, my thread at has all the background on my wife's recent strange behaviour culminating in her slinking off and saying she won't be home for the best part of a week!

 

Following today's events, where I dropped off my wife in the city and said, "See you tomorrow" and she replied, "See you on MONDAY, OK?"... I have decided to embark on NC (IE NO CONTACT, for people who may be new to this forum.)

 

Many other brave souls have embarked on NC before me. Their experiences have been posted on this forum and have inspired me to follow in their footsteps. I understand that the purpose of NC is NOT as a strategy to win back my wife's affections. In fact, after how she has treated me recently why would I WANT to win her affections back, even if I could? No, the reason for NC is to allow ME to heal myself. And also to show my wife the consequences of her decision to betray me (not that she will probably care!)

 

I've already found out it's a very hard battle to maintain NC though-I'd usually be sending my wife a "Good Night & sweet dreams" SMS about now and she would reply with a terse "U2." If I receive an sms from my wife tonight I will not only be calling the Pope to inform him of a miracle, but I know I will find it very hard not to reply. I will force myself to because I do not want to let you all down! I will vent here instead. My wife has already effectively made the decision to end our relationship so I have no choice for my own welfare, to enable me to get over her, no choice but to cut all contact.

 

I feel this is the most mature and classy way to deal with her behaviour in response to the cowardly way she slunk off and ended our relationship.

 

From now 'til Monday is 5 days. That will be the longest period of NC that my wife and I have had in the last 3 years. It won't be easy. It will be interesting to see her reaction (although I would bet she won't panic. My intuition tells me she will be pleased I've finally accepted that the relationship is over and/or too busy having a good time with her new man to care. But who knows? Maybe it will shock her. Maybe it will ruin her weekend. But that's not the goal. The goal is my healing.)

 

God, it's lonely embarking on NC. It really is like how I imagine it would be trying to quit an addiction. But like all addictions, one of the quickest (if most painful in the short-term) methods is to go 'Cold turkey.' NO CONTACT is my goal. I will let you know how it goes, day-by-day on this forum, to help anyone else in the future who may come here for insight with a real-life case study on what it's like to embark upon the lonely NC highway...

 

God Bless, Pray for me.

 

Ozomega.

[Al-icia]

It's gonna be hard but I'm going through the same pain as you so i guess meanwhile just vent everything here.Trust me you'll feel better.=]

It has been more than 2 weeks since me and my boyfriend broke up.and I must say I'm doing fairly well than before.

[Lindy1706]

All the very best I have just suceeded in breaking NC after 2 weeks in a very spectacular and needy fashion

 

So day one for me too (again)

 

Best of luck mate we can do it!

[flooglebinder]

I'm just starting week 2 and it feels like I'm NC with the world!

 

It will get better, it can't get worse - the only way is up!

[ozomega]

Well it's the morning, nearly 24 hours into NC. I didn't send my wife an sms last night like I normally would, and she didn't send me one either. It's gonna get harder. I have a dangerous job and I guess she just doesn't care if something's happened to me. I feel more in control now. If she wanted to contact me there's nothing stopping her-she's got my number. But she's probably having the time of her life, relieved to not have to think of me...

 

I do feel a bit better and more in control. It's now MY decision to not deal with her as before, always being there for her but getting no positive feedback. I wonder if she will start to panic after a few days...I know it's not the purpose of NC, that NC is for our own healing...but I can't help wondering whether she will start to panic after a few days of NC?

[g44]

it is used and how it works....and that everyone will end things in a way that is best for them because when u think about it...that is what they should do. when u end a relationship you are no long responsible to or for the other person, and while that may sound cold, it is reality. and in the end, the way u choose to end something is a personal choice. i believe eventually the other person will come around to understanding that. and isn't that what using NC is all about. NC is not about revenge or retailation or done to hurt someone, it is only used by a person so that they can deal with things in the way they need to deal with them and if u ever loved this person u will let them do so. not saying its an easy road about eventually u will enjoy the same benefits as the other person and see that by 'focussing' on your healing instead of the why's, when's and what's you are actually doing both a favour and becoming a better person. my only complaint is that is freeezes time and the person in a moment and leaves you with how that person was at the end as your lasting image. but to counter that i recommend, thinking about the relationship as a whole, the beginning, middle and end, and go throu all the pictures, love notes, memories and see it as a great book you just finiished reading and then you can finish the last chapter with a same and start reading a new book.

 

stay kewl

[ozomega]

Great post g44!

I will try to "stay kewl."

I never believed in NC also, I always thought it was better to try to talk things through. But when there is no effort by the other person to try to listen or understand or try to work things through...when they have already made up their mind they want to end the relationship and nothing you can say or do can change it...under those circumstances NC is the only way to recover from that and to accept that the other person is no longer there for you.

[vesper]

hi oz, I was following your story and I am sort of in a similar situation. looks like I am going to be joining you on your NC highway. My husband just dumped me and left.

 

The pain is too much right now. I know he will come back, he always come back. But this time I am not going to call him or text him or try to win him back. I love him with all of my heart, but for now I have to let him go.

[ozomega]

Aminae, I know exactly what you're going through and how hard it is to maintain NC when you love them. Whatever you do, DO NOT BREAK NC!

 

I am now 1 1/2 days into NC and although not a moment goes by that I don't think of her and wonder where she is, whether she's thinking of me or just relieved to have NC, I know that I have to maintain NC for my own welfare. I am not going to drive myself crazy chasing her any more.

 

Good luck with the NC - it's hard, you will have moments of weakness when you think about sending 'just one' text message, but RESIST the temptation at all costs. She/He has our number and if they want to contact US they can. They just shouldn't expect a reply, that's all!

 

I feel much more in control now.

[ozomega]

I'm now 2 nights into NC, it's 10.30pm here and still had no contact with my wife, for the 2nd night. I feel much more in control now. She obviously doesn't care and isn't thinking of me, as there's no reason why she couldn't send me a message first (for a change!) if she wanted to. Not that I'd reply right now, I'm determined to maintain NC. I will keep you posted - Monday is sure to be the final turning point-we are supposed to be meeting Monday but I'm going to maintain NC through Monday too.

[ozomega]

Thanks Ellie2006,

 

I'm now 2 days into NC.

 

Woke up this morning to find I had a 'missed call' from a private number at 3.27am. The call would have diverted to my voicemail after 5 seconds but nobody left a message.

 

That's a very strange time for anyone to be trying to call me and I wonder if it was her checking up to see if I'm still around. But I guess I'll never know. Can't think who else would be trying to call me at that time of the morning though.

 

If she wanted to contact me she could send me a text message or leave a message on my voicemail.

 

I haven't received any text messages or voicemail.

 

BTW, love the Oscar Wilde quote on your signature-

""There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."

 

That's so true!

[r3drobin]

that was me calling.. i had a bit too much to drink

so you can stop worrying now!! (hope that helped)

 

xoxo

robin

[ozomega]

Ha ha very funny r3drobin!

 

BTW my mate said it was he who called me early this morning. He was outside my door after getting drunk at the local pub first thing this morning. He was hoping to crash at my place but I was asleep, so it wasn't my wife trying to call me...and it definitely WASN'T you, r3drobin!

 

I'm now into the third night of NC and going strong!

But the crunch time will be on Monday when my wife said she was coming home... I will have to maintain the NC thru Monday also. Then see what the reaction is if she goes home and finds all her stuff isn't there any more! Think I'll stay at my mates place on Monday!

[ozomega]

OH MY GOODNESS!!! SHE BLINKED FIRST!

 

I just received an sms from my wife.

 

She said, "Gud NITE N hav gud weekend!"

 

The temptation to reply is very strong, but that would break NC.

 

What should I do? Need urgent advice guys!

 

Do I reply (after an appropriate interval) and maintain LC, or have I got her where I want her? If I reply will I be back to square one or is this an opportunity to re-stablish dialogue? At least I know she's OK...

thinking and wondering about me?

[vesper]

OH MY GOODNESS!!! SHE BLINKED FIRST!

 

I just received an sms from my wife.

 

She said, "Gud NITE N hav gud weekend!"

 

The temptation to reply is very strong, but that would break NC.

 

What should I do? Need urgent advice guys!

 

Do I reply (after an appropriate interval) and maintain LC, or have I got her where I want her? If I reply will I be back to square one or is this an opportunity to re-stablish dialogue? At least I know she's OK...

thinking and wondering about me?

 

you can just be polite and say good night back. just keep it simple.

[ozomega]

Hmmm...everyone seems to think I should break NC so far...

 

I'd resolved NOT to break NC but now I'm wondering...

 

What do the rest of you think?

Anyone think I should maintain NC?

FOR KEEPING NC

- If I maintain NC might start her thinking about consequences.

- Might ruin her dirty weekend if she's thinking of me wondering if

I've found out exactly what she's up to? Guilty conscience might

get her! For all she knows I might be right outside that guy's door...

- IMaintaining NC is no different to what she's done to me before...

- Might make her see what she's losing and the other guy might not seem so great by comparison if she's losing me in the process.

- Might make her stressed and moody and the other guy may get pissed off with her.

 

AGAINST - At some point I have to break NC if there's to be any chance of a reconciliation.

- Gives her ammunition to not reply to me in the future.

- She might assume I've given up and don't care any more and

never come home. Might drive her CLOSER to the other guy.

She may seek solace with him and rely on him more for

someone who's interested (But then she'll be HIS problem?!)

 

Thoughts please?

[ozomega]

I broke NC!

 

I gave it much thought and as I still hope to try to salvage things with my wife I eventually responded (after a 2 hour wait) with a simple "U2" reply.

 

At least I don't look completely rude and I'm rewarding my wife for sending me a pleasant "good night have a good weekend" message. She knows I'm still here but hopefully she's had a taste of what things would really be like if I was gone permanently from her life. She would'v been having some serious thoughts I'm sure in the days/hours leading up to sending me that message. A 2 hour delay responding, followed by a simple "u2" says I'm still willing to communicate, but I'm not going to chase her. So now I'm in LC mode - I will respond (eventually) to contact initiated by her, but I won't initiate contact. We'll see if her attitude has improved any on Monday-If she turns up.

 

Hope I haven't let you down guys. I gave this a lot of thought, and I still feel more in control. It's never too late to resume NC, and it leaves me room to 'up the ante' from LC to NC in the future if I have to.