The "user friendly" kind of relationship... really impossible?

[Baby Carrot]

So, you meet someone you have the chemistry and understanding in all levels; a nice friendship and common interests and points of view.

 

Plus, it wouldn't hurt if u guys managed to get it on once in a while, cuz there's also chemistry in that level.

 

But you don't feel like commiting, you don't feel like attaching yourself and make long term promises. You just wanna live ur life, have a friendship and be able to bang your friend now and then... lol

 

Now, many people think is impossible, unhealthy and would not recommend it... But, why not? If you manage to deal with jealousy and all that, what's the prob? It'd be such a relief actually, if you're really not interested in commitment...

 

.

[Dako]

Until one of you begins to change.

That's quite a balancing act.Some folks see sex as a meaningless diversion, some don't. Feelings always change.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

If you are that into them chemistry-wise, you will NOT be happy when/if they see other people.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

i agree with both Dako and Superstar- eventually feelings get involved and someone gets hurt - and then the friendship suffers. Sometimes it's best to stay friends and leave the sex out of it.

[Baby Carrot]

So.... "feelings change" uh?

 

And they happen to rule you? Are feelings uncontrollable, like a force of nature?

 

Are we victims of our own feelings?

 

Are we really that helpless and impotent when it comes to "feelings"?

[renaissancewoman101]

Feelings play a big role in relationships and they CAN change, sometimes even when there is no apparent cause or reason. When feelings change, relationships CAN fall apart. Nothing is forever, because we are always changing for the better or worst.

[Baby Carrot]

Yeah, I'm aware they change and all that...

 

But is terrifying to talk about feelings like this entities that can destroy or save your life just like that...

 

I mean, holy cow, don't we really have any kind of control over the so called changeable feelings, like at all?!?! I want to believe we do! And that we can get to know ourselves enough like for deciding having this kind of relationship!

 

****

BTW, RENAISSANCE WOMAN, love ur attitude!

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

So.... "feelings change" uh?

 

And they happen to rule you? Are feelings uncontrollable, like a force of nature?

 

Are we victims of our own feelings?

 

Are we really that helpless and impotent when it comes to "feelings"?

 

 

We are human.....and while we are not "helpless" to our feelings..sometimes they kinda just are and ...as much as you try...you can't stop feeling the way you are feeling.

 

Ever have a broken heart? Ever try to just not let the hurt and pain rule you? If so, write a book..i'll buy it...LOL

 

i know what you are saying..we are in control of our emotions..but we are also human and part of being human is the ability to feel emotions.

[Baby Carrot]

Is not that I want us to be robots, but I want to believe I'm better than when I was 13 years old and a complete victim of the oh-so-called feelings u know?

 

Yes, you get hurt, you get ur heart broken, but at some point you just decide YES DECIDE YOURSELF to stop suffering and move on... You guys are putting it like making certain romantic-friendship decision are the recipy for doom and disaster...

[Dako]

We can alter our thinking and behavior to temporarily affect our feelings, but on a daily basis, day after day, we settle into who we really are, and what we really feel.

[Baby Carrot]

eventually feelings get involved and someone gets hurt - and then the friendship suffers.

 

Is that like an universal law or something?

 

It can't possibly happen any other way, seriously?

 

 

we settle into who we really are, and what we really feel.

 

We can settle that an user friendly relationship is what we really feel like having... can't we?

[Batya33]

The problem is most people lie to themselves - more often women - that they can handle nsa s_x - typically the woman develops feelings, conveniently forgets that she agreed to casual, nsa and then suddenly the man is a jerk when he wants to continue nsa. It's typically playing with fire and not worth the temporary pleasure. Of course you can choose not to react to changing feelings but the risk is numbness and distancing yourself from who you really are and what's the point?

[Dako]

In a user-friendly relationship, which one is the user?

[Baby Carrot]

BATYA:

Sooooooooooo... if you decide you're not gonna get involved in a committed relationship, and you just want a friend you can get laid occasionally with, the only posible answer is that you're lying to yourself because the "natural" response is to fall in love like an idiot and suffer from love pains until you both exchange vows of eternal love and monogamist commitment ?

 

Amazing... the humankind has been able to do extraordinary things... to win the battle against disease, to walk on the surface of the moon, to meditate, reach nirvana... and after all we're jerks that can only be or in love or totally numb and fooling ourselves because we can't escape our feelings... fantastic really...

[Baby Carrot]

DAKO:

Both are using each other for exchanging sexual pleasure. Why would that have to interfere in the relationship of friendship of 2 adult consenting mature people?

 

Is it because we all take out our inner tantrum-thrower-crazy-fool-in-love teenager? We can do better than that... honestly.

[Dako]

It's not as simple as Love vs Numb. There's a whole array of feelings like suspicion, resentment, envy, jealousy, anger, disappointment, greed and many more.

If you try this, good luck!

I've found relationships of any sort full of surprising challenges.

Maybe I lack self-control.

[Baby Carrot]

Suspicion, resentment, envy, jealousy, anger, disappointment, greed and many more.

 

Those feelings are present in monogamist commited long term relationships and marriages as well... so what's the big difference anyways?

 

Thanks Dako

 

God save us from being humans, we little creeps infested with feelings!!!!

[Dako]

Those feelings are present in monogamist commited long term relationships and marriages as well... so what's the big difference anyways?

 

Exactly. A FWB arrangement is prone to those same weaknesses, even a loveless one. Seems like a lot of hassle for a bit of friction. I'd prefer DIY at that point.

[BellaDonna]

So, you meet someone you have the chemistry and understanding in all levels; a nice friendship and common interests and points of view.

 

Plus, it wouldn't hurt if u guys managed to get it on once in a while, cuz there's also chemistry in that level.

 

But you don't feel like commiting, you don't feel like attaching yourself and make long term promises. You just wanna live ur life, have a friendship and be able to bang your friend now and then... lol

 

Now, many people think is impossible, unhealthy and would not recommend it... But, why not? If you manage to deal with jealousy and all that, what's the prob? It'd be such a relief actually, if you're really not interested in commitment...

 

One of my good friends swore that she could do this while in college. She had a "friends with benefits" situation with a guy , that went on for about 3 years. She never wanted to commit to him and vice versa.

 

Then she graduated- moved to another state, and so did he.

 

I'll never forget the night about one year after that where I got a phone call with her in absolute hysterics on the other end. "Jon got engaged" is all I could make out at first....she way crying so badly.She had not even seen or slept with him in a long time- they had just been talking over the phone as friends. He met someone and decided to commit. She was crushed, and didn't expect to be crushed either. But she was.

 

Before she supposedly swore that she never fell in love with him, never wanted anything more, etc. I was always skeptical and wondered how long that would last. Her true feelings only surfaced once it was too late.

 

I'm not saying that will happen to everyone.... but I think in theory friends with benefits is a lot more simple than it actually plays out in reality.

 

BellaDonna

[Baby Carrot]

Before she supposedly swore that she never fell in love with him, never wanted anything more, etc. I was always skeptical and wondered how long that would last. Her true feelings only surfaced once it was too late.

 

I repeat...

 

God save us from being humans, we little creeps infested with feelings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

That's the ultimate answer I guess.

 

We can make outstanding achievements but our feelings are more devastating and uncontrollable and unpredictable than Katrina no?

 

Oh, and the 99% of the ones that decide to try that, are just being plain cocky and stupid and naive, and will end up crushed and destroyed by their own ignorance.

 

.

[Dako]

Some of those pesky feelings are pretty cool, too.

Love, joy, ecstasy, pleasure and a few others come to mind.

[Baby Carrot]

Some of those pesky feelings are pretty cool, too.

Love, joy, ecstasy, pleasure and a few others come to mind.

 

Yeah the bad thing is that we're so weak we end up being co dependents and pleasure-junkies. Which in the end is destructive too.

 

So, still, God help us all.

[Dako]

I find your pessimism refreshing.

I'm sure some fine guy will fall for it and wreck your life.

Serves you right.

 

Are you considering a FWB relationship?

[Baby Carrot]

FWB?

 

What's that?

[renaissancewoman101]

FWB = Friends With Benefits

 

It is when you decide to have a sexual relationship with someone without being in a committed relationship. It's not a good idea to get involved with FWB relationships because feelings get involved and someone usually gets hurt emotionally.