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Firstly Hi all from a lurker who has found these boards invaluable in the last few weeks.

 

In a nutshell I split from my Ex a month ago....he was 23 years my senior and whilst we were happy together in the UK once we moved to Cyprus for his retirement 2 years ago things just went totally pear shaped. I at 38 still wanted to work and was not ready to give up work, he on the other hand wanted to sit and relax (no problem with that at all) unfortunately this involved large quantities of alchohol and when drunk he indulged in battery of the emotional type (deep joy) I managed to keep control of this by not listening and just removing myself he was always very apologetic in the morning!

 

About three months ago he surpassed himself by sleeping with a Prostitute and catching something very very nasty and infectious.......He was majorly ill and hospitalised for a week plus the entire small village where we live knew all about it...(thanks Pal). We talked at length and he admitted for the first time in 4 years that he did in fact love me and was in love with me, and that he had been a complete idiot and wanted to try again if I was prepared to.

 

Well I agreed to try again and within 4 weeks he was back to his normal arrogant drinking self again. One evening he got drunk (shock huh!) and laid into me about the fact that the house was a mess, he hated the dogs, my mother was a drain on my time and so were my horses in effect he wanted the freedom to do exactly what he wanted and I was ruining his life, I calmly told him fine I will take my poxy dogs, my poxy horses and myself and go live with my Mother unitl I can find somewhere else to live.

 

So I moved out and went back a week later with a friend to remove my things, he arrived down at my mothers hose that evening frantic that he had lost his mobile and wanting me to help him find it I did go up the following day to let him some of the numbers from my phone that he needed.

 

OK no contact initiated again......2 days later "I've lost my passport" sorry mate no clue you'll have to look for it again or get in contact with the UK Embassy for a replacement. 3 days later "I'm in the mountains having a great time" uh super, "I think I may have left the hose in the swimming pool can you go turn it off" at this point I tell him that if he is indeed having the time of his life that maybe it would be a great idea to get all aspects of it under his control and stop bothering me.

 

So come on guys why do I miss him soooooooooo much, I have re-read my journals for the past 2 years and I have obviously been so miserable for 90% that I feel I should be jumping for joy! Yet I itch to call him and see him again, I think I am in danger of only remembering the good bits. Is this merely the feeling of limb loss that you get after a long period with a partner????

 

He has told me since the split that he was seriously considering asking me to marry him after the hospital incident (I would have been wife no:3). He is also saying he was much hurt when he was ill recently and he felt my schedule didn't change to nurse him and he had visions of how it would be when he was old and ill the final gem is that he loves me to pieces is terrified of being old and lonely but is not prepared to put this above his need to make the most of his final years....i.e. travelling around the island in a four wheeler getting drunk sleeping in it overnight and bedding anything that passes.

 

Sorry long post and a bit ranty

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mmm your struggling and you will. he wants you there to take the fall when he has it. what about you ? saying he loves you? isnt real life about actions and not words ? you have had the strength to move out and the way you write you know and i can tell you deserve more than this . i feel for you and hope you can make the right call. i think perhaps making the most of his "final years should be with you not at your expense!. we miss people for all sorts of reasons , we just do . you must have yours take a good look at what they are to you. stay safe

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mmm your struggling and you will. he wants you there to take the fall when he has it. what about you ? saying he loves you? isnt real life about actions and not words ? you have had the strength to move out and the way you write you know and i can tell you deserve more than this i feel for you and hope you can make the right call. i think perhaps making the most of his "final years should be with you not at your expense!. we miss people for all sorts of reasons , we just do . you must have yours take a good look at what they are to you compared to what your getting . stay safe

victory at too higher cost must be considered defeat

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