Slept with Cousins Ex-husband

[deadsoul]

I made a huge mistake last night and I slept with my cousins ex-husband. I was drinking so much and tried not to do anything, but I was so drunk that I had no inhibitions at all.

I feel so badly about it and I don't know what to do. I could never tell her what I did.

We were hanging out, he started toplay with my breasts and I let him. Then he said he wanted to have sex. I told him no that I was on my menstral cycle. He told me to leave the tampon in and he would just go in as far as he could.

I didn't really want to, but I did it anyway.

I feel so disgusting today. I feel like trash. I know he only used me for sex, that does not bother me. I just feel bad that I crossed a boundary I never thought I would.

I fell so bad that if my cousin found out, I would surely want to kill myself.

[Meow18]

First of all, welcome to enotalone!

 

I'm sorry that you are feeling horrible for what happened. We all make mistakes though, some bigger than others. I think you need to tell your cousin exactly what happened because chances are, she's going to find out eventually.

 

If you need to, write her a letter. I would say to do it in person, but maybe a letter would give her time alone to think about it and let the initial anger settle and then at some point she will forgive you..

 

I'm sort of worried though. It's never ok to blame mistakes on drinking. And if that is what really got in the way, then you really need to not drink so much. I mean, hopefully you learned your lesson about it though..

[deadsoul]

I don't think I could ever tell her what I did. He said he would never tell and I know that I never will.

I know that blaming the alcohol is not OK, but I know for a fact that I NEVER would've done that had I been sober. I have come to the realization that alcohol is not good for me.

I just have to stop drinking and that should solve the problem.

Thanks for the response.

[Scout]

I know you feel awful right now. I truly feel your pain, too. It's obvious from your post you are pretty tormented by what happened.

 

Here is what I would suggest: really take this experience as a wake up call to never get so drunk again that you do something there is no way you would ever do sober. Take this experience as a wake up call to honestly examine your use of alcohol. If you do this, more positives will occur for you throughout your life.

 

As for confessing to your cousin what happened...I don't know, this is a hard one. If you knew absolutely beyond a shadow of a doubt that this guy would never tell ANYONE what happened...because even if he doesn't tell her, but tells someone else, I can almost guarantee it will get back to her...than I would say, just don't ever tell her and keep it to yourself. There is no positive whatsoever from her finding this out.

 

UNLESS...there is a chance it could come from someone else. If you think that's highly likely, I don't know...you might want to be the one to tell her.

 

But to be honest, this is a difficult situation and I'm not sure exactly what to advise on that point.

[Meow18]

Like Scout said, this is difficult. And whatever you choose is your choice.

 

But if you think there's any way in the world he's going to tell ANYONE, then that means it's POSSIBLE she could find out somehow. And in that case, she would probably be more hurt by the fact that she didn't find out from you.

 

But that's just my advice and it's up to you at this point.