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finally finding RELIEF.

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the last two weeks have been really bad for me. found out my ex might be seeing a "friend" of mine and was really crushed. on top of it, my senior year of college was just starting, and it felt extremely overwhelming. i've cried more in the last two weeks than i have in the last two months combined. i was very, very depressed and the littlest things made me burst into tears.


now, i'm at my parents' house for the weekend...i live in a big city and my parents are in a small town. i feel more relieved, relaxed, and over it than i have in weeks or months. for the past couple of days, i've actually felt okay being a single woman. i've felt okay about what i'm doing with my life, and so at ease. such a contrast to how i was feeling at my place. i had been thinking about wanting to hurt myself, about not wanting to exist. now i feel light as a feather.


i feel this can only be explained by the fact that i'm out of the city. which leads me to wonder if i should consider moving. it seems i only realize how suffocated i feel there whenever i get out. i am so tired of the superficiality of the city and the people. nothing there is genuine. it is convenient, it is fun, it is so many things, but it makes me feel hollow. naturally, it's also the city where my ex lives. that has to have something to do with it, along with the fact that i get unconditional love from my parents here. but wow...i can't tell you how much better it feels to be out, and how much dread i feel about going back.


i just felt like getting those feelings out. hopefully someone can relate?

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