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Need help with signals


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Ok so I have known this girl since she was 13 and I was 17 or so. She moved in accross the street with a family that I was really good friends with. We always got along as friends well and had fun just hanging out and playing games or whatever.


A couple of years ago just before I met my current ex I was hanging out with the family accross the street around xmas time and she was there (I would have been 25 and she would have been 21). She had really grown up and I was attracted to her as well as the fact that we were friends and get along well. I wanted to ask her out or something but never got up the courage to do so (I have a confidence issue and always think beautiful women wouldn't be interested in me)


So about a month and a half ago, (now I am 28 and she is 24, the age gap doesn't seem to be a big deal now) I was still dealing with the break up with my ex and I found her on myspace by chance and started talking to her again. I hadn't talked to her since that xmas i mentioned above. I told her about the whole break up thing and then got into how I have a hard time approaching women. I told her I would give her an example but not to wig out on me. I told her about how I wanted to ask her out but never did that day. She said ok now you don't wig out but I felt the vibe and had you asked I would have taken you up on it.


I was shocked about that and although at the time I was still dealing with the breakup I decided that I would like to hang out with her again sometime and catch up. So 3 weeks ago we decided to hang out and I went over to see her. We spent the day chatting and went and saw a movie in the evening. It was a lot of fun and I enjoyed it a lot and she seemed to as well. We hugged at the end of the evening and I went home.


She is extremely busy with school and work so I didn't have a chance to talk to her much over the past 3 weeks and I kind of took that as perhaps she isn't interested but earlier this week I called her and we talked for about an hour and made plans to hang out last night. Last night was fun, we went out to eat. Laid on her bed for a couple of hours and chatted, then went out to a store to browse around. Again we hugged at the end of the evening.


All in all I would have to say both evenings so far went really well. She is absoultely stunning and I find it intimidating but I do my best to stay level headed and relaxed. If anything I have humor on my side. Each time we have been together we are both smiling and laughing the whole time and it is just really good fun.


I have Guns N' Roses tickets in Sacramento on the 2nd next month and I invited her to go with me and she said she would love to. I am excited about that.


So sorry about the long post but to get to the point. I like her, I am pretty sure it is obvious. Last night I did little things like touching her leg briefly and non sexually or anything when teasing her about something. I stood next to her closely so our arms would touch and she seemed comfortable and didn't try to move.


So I need help reading signals. Because I have known her for so long I feel the signals could be clouded and harder to read. If she was someone I just met there wouldn't be any comfort there so I would be able to read hot or cold. In this case I just can't tell if she is interested or not because there is a lot of background.





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Hey Rob,


If she is willing to go out then I would say she is interested,


Don't let yourself be intimated by her,


Pretty girls like to be asked out too,


I think that she is giving you positive responses/signals,


To keep moving forward and pursuing her,


With 1 of my exes, he told me and his friends told him I was out of his league,


So it took him 1 yr to finally ask me out,


I wish he had asked sooner,


We are now good friends,


My point is, that only a superficial person creates "leagues" of who they can date,


Give this woman a chance and she will give you one in return.





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Thanks for the reply!


The only downside to the story is that because I recently moved to the east bay, she lives about an hour away. I totally don't mind driving though so I will continue to try to see her when I can and if we do end up "dating" I will surely have no problems making time.


She is extremely busy though as am I, we both go to school and work. She told me recently that she has felt frustrated with guys because of the "BS" that comes along with so many of them and that she just doesn't desire or have time for that drama or BS. I think she knows that I am a "nice" guy and hopefully that will be something that she appreciates about me. She is extremely sweet and I definitely appreciate that about her.


Anyway today she is working an insane 16 hour shift! I just called and left her a voicemail telling her that I was just thinking about her and decided to leave her a voicemail and hoping that she is have a good day. I told her if she has a chance after work to give me a call and if not then I hope she has a good day tomorrow.


I hope I am going about this the right way, any opinions? Am I coming on too strong? trying too hard? I am not looking to fast forward right into a relationship but I definitely want to keep the ball rolling if indeed it is.



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You are the opposite of strong and hard right now. Well.. not the total opposite.


Seems that she is open to your advances... but needs space. So.. advance more physically with her when you are with her. Just make sure that she knows she doesn't need to focus a lot of attention toward you. She needs to do her thing. But.. you definitely need to come on a little stronger. Not relationship wise... but just the experience.

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Yeah... you don't want to come off as a jerk.


Women... here... correct me. I find the difference between a jerk and a "nice guy (but stilll want to do the nasty with)" is communication.


The jerk is touchy feely... groping even. The nice guy is... umm.. carress... relax...


Put your arm around her.. but don't hang it on her. Grab her wrist but don't tug at it... you understand?

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If she leans away even while laughing, back off. I find I do that to guys when I don't really want them hanging all on me but don't wanna be mean and hurt their feelings if it's someone I like. The rest of how you're proceeding sounds fine really and I agree with Rose.

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Thanks now better. Yeah things are getting better. I have hit some bumps along the road but things are looking up. Last week I paid a price for allowing my ex to still have contact with me so now I am absolutely solid in my resolve to never talk to her again and ignore her completely.


I really like this girl and so far she seems to feel comfortable around me. I think if anything there might be a little tension because of how long we have known each other. I am just nervous about how she feels and what she is thinking about things. Like Rose said pretty girls like to be asked out too but I do feel intimidated, she is by far a million times hotter than any girl I have gone after and possibly had a chance with.


I will definitely update this thread with any new info when it comes in. Because of how busy she is and I am and the distance I am not sure when I will be able to hang out with her, but If it comes up I will shoot for sometime this week. I called her yesterday while she was at work and left a voicemail saying that I was thinking about her so I figured I would leave her a message. I said If she has a chance after work (she probably got off around 10 or 11 last night) she could give me a call but if not I hope she has a good day tomorrow.


I just hope I am taking the right steps here. I don't want to blow this.



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Well Steph called me tonight. I have been sick over the last couple of days and she said she hopes I feel better and called me a "poor thing". She has been working like crazy and was exhausted but she said she just wanted to call me back before she went to bed and catch up with me. We talked for about 5 minutes and discussed when we would have time for me to go over there and hang out with her.


All in all I think this call / conversation was really telling. I think it is obvious based on the history in this thread that she knows I like her and I am pursuing her and if she wasn't interested I doubt she would have called me tonight.


I am excited to see her again soon. I told her though that if I am still sick by thursday I might postpone coming over until next week because I would hate to get her sick, expecially as busy as she is





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Hey all, Thought I would post an update... Steph called me today and we had about a 20 min chat... She ordered a new laptop from Dell last week and when I was over there last thursday I told her when she gets it I will make sure to come over and hook up her wireless router and secure it and install some stuff for her...


She got her laptop today and the plan was for me to come over on thursday but her grandma is having surgery this weekend and she wants to fly out on thursday to go see her before the surgery... I told her I wouldn't mind coming over tomorrow if she has time and she said she does.


So I am going over there tomorrow and we are going to work on the wireless thing and fiddle around with the laptop for a bit then go get some dinner and catch a movie...


I am just beginning to feel better from this cold I had over the weekend so I really don't think I will want to get too close to her for fear of her catching it... She doesn't seem to concerned about it though...


Anyway I think things are going well, she has actually called me two out of the last three times we talked so I am hoping that means she is interested. I am sure by my tone and everything she knows where my interests lie. She seems genuinely enthusiastic about us "hanging out" together



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