Troubled mind, Guilt about seeing others - should I hold on?

[Syncretic]

Hi guys, its been a while since my last post, but I need to clear my head again now. Its been about a month since my girlfriend of 3 years called it a day for our relationship. A few weeks of not talking, in between another few weeks of trying to be friends has taken its toll on me. Is is too soon to try and be friends?

 

I've "hooked-up" with a few girls since we broke up, just having a bit of fun, I think its just made things worse. I have a lot of growing to do yet before I can commit to another relationship, but I still want her back, even though I told her that we wouldn't get back together for a long time, just so that we could get to know ourselves together without contact, I suppose it was sort of the tough-love scenario, because it has been extremely difficult for me to not see her, and just give her a big hug. I still love her, but I know that if I can't function without her, the relationship in the end wont function as well. The worst thing of all is I called her a couple of days ago & broke down on the phone. I cried for about 20mins and told her I wanted her back. I feel like ive made 10 steps backwards now.

 

Does anyone have any tips on moving on with my life, I'm in a bit of a fog at the moment and don't really give a s#!t about my well being. I don't really know what advice I want to ask for, just to know that someone out there is listening.

 

I have so much love to give, maybe I should share it around more

[slider]

I'm listening... One thing for sure is that you CAN function without her, but you can't do it if you neglect your health. For starters, you may want to seek professional counseling. I've done it before and it really helps. Also, seek support from a friend who you can talk to. Sometimes that may not be the immediate friends you see day to day - but someone you knew in the past or a family member.

 

I do believe everyone who breaks it off with someone after a long relationship will eventually be happy again. Some faster than others. But it will come. I know it's hard but give yourself time. You'll be happy again.

 

In order to move on, you must cut ALL contact with her already. You've punished yourself enough. Take the hurt and anger and put it to work. Use it to better yourself. I usually use that energy to hit the gym full throttle. What also helped was getting out of the house.

 

Action, reaction - how are you going to react to this tragedy?

[reborn]

Oh honey,

It sounds like you are in a very uncomfortable situation, confused, in pain. Stuck. Its like you have a foot of you ready to move yet your body still remains in the same place. Cause is like you don´t know if you want to move back or forward, or what is better.

From the sounds of your posting and even in your confusion I could see that the balance is tipping more towards moving on and getting your self moving and over this breakup. I am in a sort of similar situation my self, but really have no other option but to move forward despite the fact that I wish I had a reason to hold on. But in my case I don´t it is a 100% clear that my ex wants NADA with me. In any case, his lost!

Oh well, going back to you. I get a feeling you will move on. YOu seem clearly headed towards that direction. It takes a lot of strenght to be able to do that and I really admire you for that. It also takes a lot of courage and maturity. Even people that are 40 after being dumped by someone they still care for don´t have the stregthn to be at the point where you are at.

I say move on. Do stuff, get on with your life. Your ex is not going anywhere. You could be friends later. If you feel guilty about not being friends now tell her you need a time of separation from her until you are ready to be her friend. You cannot do that so soon after a breakup. I suggest you read a posting by zerohour called "Should you wait for your ex" I think is in the breakup or getting back together forums. I think that may be really, really helpful for you to read, and may clarify your mind a bit. Do read it please.

Well, lots of luck to you. Hope you make the right decision for you. I am sure you will. Take it easy with yourself, so far you are doing really great.

-Reborn