Why won't she leave me alone?

[scornandtorn]

She moved out 19 mo ago and our divorce was final on 11/16/05. She put me through hell and left me with the lies. She moved in with him (my friend) the day we separated. They had been having an affair for two years, best I can tell, when I was out of town for work.

 

She immediately filed for divorce and put me through a expensive battle, even though we didnt have any children and she didn't want the house. I dont get it, I gave her everything she wanted but she chose to ruin us both financially.

 

When the divorce was final she was constantly contacting me about stupid things. Enough was enough and I told her I did not want her to contact me anymore,that what she did was wrong and just let me heal and rebuild my life. Since then I change my cell number and home number, but she got my new home number and calls constantly. I dont answer and she leaves messages that I just delete because she is so angry. It is almost a year since the divorce and this weekend she has called here 6 times and sent me a letter I didnt read.

 

Whats it going to take to get her out of my life?

[avman]

Whats it going to take to get her out of my life?

 

A restraining order.

 

It sounds to me like you need one. Call your lawyer and have one drawn up. There is no reason for her to be contacting you anymore.

[n83]

I agree with avman.. enough damage (financially, emotionally) has been done. The next time she tries to contact you, tell her politely but firmly that if she doesn't stop, you will contact the police.

[tylercdurden2004]

I dont get it, I gave her everything she wanted but she chose to ruin us both financially.

 

 

Because its easy for her to find a man to take care of her. If its any consolation which I am sure its not you can be sure at some point in the future she will realize the pain she created and will be wracked with guilt. Most likley it will be at a point when its too late to atone for her misdeeds.

[blender]

I really feel for you. You can call the phone company to block her number, have you tried this? I'm so sorry you are going through this, and SHE is attempting to drag you along emotionally as long as she can... I'd start saving all her messages, tape them on to a small recorder, and keep a record of them, then if you go to the police and play them, they will get a block on your phone, and a "complaint file" can be started on her, make sure you keep a record of these messages, they will be your "evidence" if at some point you need to take any legal actions...and it is always good to have HER OWN WORDS to play for HER OR FOR THE NEW MAN IN HER LIFE... you can use her own actions as an example of what and who you are dealing with.. if at some point you know she's not home, just call her machine at this new guys house and play all her messages back onto their machine and hang up.. she'll stop leaving messages then.... well, now that I've said this, I guess it's NOT a very good thing to do, in fact just keep a recorded record of the messages for the cops and get a block on your phone...

 

My cousin did this when her ex husband kept calling her at home, on her cell leaving angry messages, or "really kind" ones, all over the place emtionally just because he did NOT want her to move on, he even started calling her at work.. So she kept all the messages, and taped them, brought them to an attorney and he was sent a legal letter.. and the cops follow up with a visit to his house.. he finally stopped, but of course it didn't stop her from being cautious and looking over her shoulder for awhile..

 

Sorry you're going through this...

[bcuzitwasfun]

Hi scornandtorn,

 

It's me again, bcuz.....I posted on your other thread.

 

She could be "bothering" you for several reasons:

 

1. She has made a bad decision.

2. She is not satisfied with her life, so now the only satisfaction is knowing that you can be in pain.

3. She wants control of you and what you are doing.

4. She feels like you can't possibly live with out her.

5. She feels like she still loves you.

 

My most recent breakup has been like yours, sort of. My ex gf can't understand why I prefer to ignore her. Why I haven't called her first when a tragedy has hit me or my family. Why I haven't contacted her back when the same tragedies have hit her. She called me for support, I didn't call her back. She has tried several ways to keep or get in touch with me. I refuse to talk to her. I don't need her for anything. Sooner or later she will finally get the picture.

 

As far as a restraining order, you may need that as others have said. I'm contemplating that as well as I don't want interference from her or her friends as I am moving forward.

 

I think it is great that you have your best friend back in the picture. There is nothing like family or true friends to help you get through the tough times.

 

Good Luck!

bcuzitwasfun

[scornandtorn]

Hey Bcuz,

 

The one thing I can say about her message that I did listen to, as well as all the contact we had before I went NC, is that she is very angry that I do not take her bait and fall into the trap anymore.

 

Id like comment on your list of reasons though,

 

1. Yes, I think choosing infidelity, lying, anger, and destroying friendships over love, security, and the conventus of marriage is definetly a bad decision.

 

2.Obviously with her anger she is trying to get me to snap, so all her actions will be justified. Then I would be responsible for her decisions.

 

3. She can't even control herself, let alone me. Him maybe, but not me.

 

4. Although she has caused me great pain, she will not ever control the healing I am dealing with. I control that and blocking her out of my life is key.

 

5. I question if she even really knows what love is.

 

Out of all the relationships in my life, ever, she was the one I had the most trust with. I thought she was the most grounded of all of them and that was the biggest mistake of my life.

 

On a happier note, the relationship between my first wife and I is flurioushing and i enjoy that for now. I know that you are on the same page as me concerning our ex's and I hope that restrainting orders are not necessary. I wish you luck in dealing with your xgf and her issues.