New girlfriend

[surreal123]

Me and my girlfriend have been together for about 2 weeks. Everything seems to be going really well but yesterday she kind of freaked me out. She says I show no emotion and that she can't read me. I got the idea that she was uncertain about us and that she's scared.

 

So I replied that in the start of a relationship things are normally a bit new and uncertain, but that I'm going nowhere and that she has nothing to worry about. I don't understand why she says she can't read me or that I show no emotion. I'm crazy about her. Our conversation was cut short as I had to drop her off somewhere.

 

What does it mean when a woman says she can't read you or that you don't show any emotion? I would like to think I do.

[RayKay]

Did you know her before these two weeks?

 

How old are you both?

 

Of course she can't "read you" if you are still getting to know one another, this is the early stages!

 

My guess is either she has "high expectations" of it being all roses and romance, or she bases her ideas of relationships on fairy tales rather than reality.

 

Of course if you really are emotionally held back, then maybe you have to think of why that is the case..it may be as you are NOT sure yet of her, or it may be you have some other fears you need to conquer.

[Boughtandpaidfor]

What does it mean when a woman says she can't read you or that you don't show any emotion? I would like to think I do.

 

Are you holding back? a bit worried about investing in the new relationship. Are you still wondering whether you should take a risk with this girl? Have you been hurt badly in the past?

 

All these things could make you seem emotionally far away even though you feel fine and feel like everything's great- maybe there's an emotional step to take.

 

On the other hand, it really could mean that she wants to get to know you as much as possible. And that's sometimes frustrating for women because men naturally need a lot of emotional privacy. We're just different!

[rose2summer]

surreal,

 

Do you tell her what you feel?

 

Or do you hide your emotions from her,

 

Actions speak louder than words,

 

So if you are really developing feelings for her,

 

Make sure that you show it, by being affectionate, etc,

 

I don't mean by buying her gifts or anything,

 

But just show how you feel towards her.

 

Hugs,

 

Rose

[rose2summer]

And that's sometimes frustrating for women because men naturally need a lot of emotional privacy. We're just different!

 

HT,

 

Your response piqued my interest,

 

Why do men (from your own perspective) need a lot of emotional privacy.

 

I feel as a woman, I wear my heart on my sleeve,

 

And that can get me into trouble.

 

Rose

[Boughtandpaidfor]

Why do men (from your own perspective) need a lot of emotional privacy.

 

I feel as a woman, I wear my heart on my sleeve,

 

And that can get me into trouble.

 

Rose

 

I think I need to deal with things on my own and that makes me feel accomplished. If I have a problem or I feel a certain way I will deal with that and then emotionally "return" when I feel better.

[rose2summer]

I think I need to deal with things on my own and that makes me feel accomplished. If I have a problem or I feel a certain way I will deal with that and then emotionally "return" when I feel better.

 

Interesting happytown,

 

When a guy withdraws from me,

 

I tend to think that he doesn't want me to help,

 

With solving his problems,

 

And I treat life like a puzzle,

 

Always trying to solve it,

 

Now I see I was being overly sensitive,

 

In my past,

 

Thanks,

 

Rose

[Siriana]

It means that she's a woman and you're a man. Heh.

Now, if you were holding back you would know that. If you're not holding back (at least in your own male opinion) than I suggest changing your approach.

If you're not doing the following try it:

1. speak with her about your plans (while you're still planning - we like that. We're not happy if we find out about them when you already have everything sorted out in your mind - or at least pretend that you're still in the planning phase

2. Speak with her about some stuff that bothers you in your life

3. Say to her something stupid and embarasing that happened to you recently or about something that hurted you

4. Don't forget to tell her that you care about her and to show her that. Small stuff counts her in her cheek or hair in everyday situations, hugging her, you know all those things that are for free but mean a lot to us girls.

5. Listen to her while she speaks endlessly - don't give advice immediately, just listen to her and ask her questions. We like to be listened when we are comlaining, we don't need solution of our problem

6. And last but not least - ask her what she expects from you - what she misses in your communication that would make her feel more connected to you.

 

Bye

 

p.s. Try to read that book man are from Mars and woman from Venus. It says a lot about male - female communication. It is very popular book and because of that I was hesitating to read it (you know how somethig is usually not to smart if it's too popular.) It is written in a simple way that is understandable to masses but it has really good advice in it.

[RayKay]

Maybe I am just seeing it differently than everyone else, but if they have been dating only for two weeks, should she really be able to read everything, or expect him to be "in love" yet?

 

I agree that you need to communicate, respect and show you care and want to be there....but I wonder if this is not also about her own "expectations" which are based on "perceptions of romantic love" rather than about reality. It takes TIME to learn about a person, to love, and it's not something that should be expected after a couple weeks.

[Siriana]

it could be about her and her expectations too. I guess it can be from both reasons. I was assuming that she's beeing objective and rational in a way that she knows about how her expectations should look like after dating someone for 2 weeks.

You're right based on the info we have here it could be also that she's too demanding in her expectations.

It is good to have 2 opinions that are different but equaly possible as answeres to this question because it makes easier for him to recognize where the real problem is.

So my advice would be: think about all the answers and try to figure out where the truth lies.

[surreal123]

Sorry, I should have made it clearer - we've been seeing/dating each other for about a month and 2 weeks ago I asked her to be my girlfriend. I've been badly burnt a couple of months ago and came out of a 1 and a half year relationship. Since I met my new girlfriend I have never looked back - not once. Me and her just feels right.

 

Thing is with my new girlfriend I've been taking things very slow as I think it would probably be best as I recently came out of a relationship. (she knows)

I'm 31 she's 22. This is probably why I'm taking it slow as well. I'm her second boyfriend - but I don't think she's inexperienced.

 

I get the idea she has big expectations but she told me that she values her relationships very high. (Very important to her)

 

Thanks for the advice. Very good insights.

[Momene]

Maybe there's a need for a bridesmaid's dress???