a little bit of insecurity? jealousy? insanity?

[helpme2]

I think I have a problem, I don't know if it's one of those "normal" problems or like something I can solve or what. It's not logical to me really and it seems pretty irrational, but here goes.

 

I seem to have some sort of insecurity or something, like I get (about once a month) all jealous that my husband slept with people before we met, it's stupid, and it doesn't make any logical sense to me, I mean he chose me, he hasn't ever cheated on me, and he has told me that I am the only woman he ever wants, that he doesn't remember them, that they weren't important, but still I get all "what if I am not as good?" and "what if he is just saying that he doesn't remember?" and it's driving me nuts.

 

Today he was watching a movie and mentioned that when he was a teenager he would rewind it to watch the shower scene over and over, and he has made comments about watching porn when he was younger (he doesn't watch any now, he says he doesn't feel the need to) and anyway, it just makes me feel like I am going to cry.

 

Now, I don't like feeling this way, even if it's only once a month or so, I hate that logically I shouldn't feel this way, but in reality I do. I don't like feeling like I am insecure.

 

Anyone have this same thing? is it normal? can I change it? help?

[renaissancewoman101]

I am probably one of the most insecure, worrywart person you will ever meet. I worry about things, from how friends think about me, how a SO thinks about me, whether people want to be with me or not, etc, etc. That is not a healthy way for me to live but I tend to worry all the time. Sometimes, I just try to detach so I dont worry about things. Although being on anxiety medication has helped a bit.

 

Good luck. It isnt fun to be in those shoes.

[karam]

well bud,

first of all, like he said its in the past, you have nothing to worry about and so what if he watched porn or saw namked ladies...he was a teenager, thats what teenagers do. I swear its a phase all guys go through, so he lusted over some girl who gets paid to have sex with multiple people. the fact that he chose you should be enough to say how much you mean to him. Next time you feel insecure just tell him to give you a hug or something, and im sure it will pass, and if not, possibly talk to him if you can and see if he has any suggestions.

CHeers

[agent1607307371]

Is it just a general once a month or more a menstrual once a month?

 

The thing with irrational fears is that you have to just talk yourself out of them the minute they pop up. Your brain probably has a whole spiel worked out about this, but you just have to come up with a counter argument and implement it immediately everytime. Eventually it gets easier to believe it.

 

And don't feel shy about asking your husband for support on this, he loves you so it's part of his job to.

[helpme2]

it's about a week before my lady once a month.

 

I do have this whole thing going on in my head though you are right. I know he had a threesome with some friends before we met, and after I found out I was pretty uncomfortable with him being around them, so he quit seeing them, but I still think in my head about how I am not as experienced as they were and how he has been with more people and what if I am not good enough and all that. I wish I could make it go away.

[nmduipd]

I know exactly how you feel!

 

Every time a few days before my period all my irrational (and rational) fears start to run wild.

And I'm talking problems that I had years ago and well and truly got over.

Not to mention those little semi-conscious fears that I'm fighting right now.

Even the slightest issue gets magnified 1000 times and becomes a worry.

 

Not that I have a magic solution. I've tried everything from healthy food and exercising to medications – nothing worked.

 

You'll probably laugh now, but the only thing that ever worked for me is sex. And lots of it!

I think it destructs me and helps me to somehow 'convert all that negative emotional energy' into something more pleasurable.

 

Worth trying – even if it doesn't work, there are no side effects whatsoever

[helpme2]

well, at least I feel a little more normal now LOL, I am so screwed up all the time it's nice to have a "normal" problem.

[BalletGirl81]

helpme2 - I have very much the same problem you do. Almost always, the week before "AF" is due, I turn into crazy, insecure psycho woman! I start thinking I have the worst life in the world, and that my BF is going to leave me or is cheating on me. I know part of the problem is that I do just normally have some insecurities about his online "friendships" and flirting that goes on and his use of adult material. I feel 100% confident that he has never cheated on me, but, I know he looks at porn almost every day... but, it doesn't affect our sex life. So, I'm working on just accepting... because, who am I to say if any of those things are "right" or "wrong". It's all in your perception. But, sometimes it's hard, and it's especially hard during "that week" when my hormones are going crazy. Ugh.... Let me know if you find a magic cure... or, even a website or a piece of advise that has helped you. I definitely feel your pain.