Please Help, Depression/insanity

[allmessedup123]

Hope some nice soul can give me some answers..

 

I know there is something seriously wrong with me in the head but i don't know what. It feels like no one on this earth thinks the way i do and it scares me. I know im depressed, i think when you are you just kind of know it is depression and that your not just "down in the dumps" but its more than depression. I have weird thoughts like i often think that i will not be able to control my thoughts and i will speak what im thinking like on the bus today, i really thought i was going to get up and do something stupid and i felt like people knew what i was thinking. I also sometimes think that i can control things with my thoughts. I think really sick, bad things that i really wouldnt want to happen or do but why do i think them? and i cant control my thinking, i will just keep thinking bad things. I hope this is making sense, i have never admitted any of this to anyone or even wrote things down so it feels kind of weird. I just really want to know what i have so i can treat it. Okay this is going to take too long to explain so i will just some-up my symtoms:

 

-Bad thoughts (incest etc) that i cannot control

-Depression, (suicidal thoughts)

-Guilty feelings ALL the time like i have done something to annoy someone etc

-Self hate (pretty much all the time)

-Thinking that people know what im thinking

-Thinking that i can control things and people with my mind

-Extremely weird and vivid dreams

-I also get this weird feeling now and again (it is soooo hard to explain, its like complete emptyness and i get really emotional, normally lasts for bout 30 seconds)

-Very indecisive

 

There are lots more things but i can't think of them right now. I have seen a few docs about my depression and spoke to a few people but it feels like i can never change and will be like this forever. Thats why i hope that i actually can give a name to my symtoms and cure them. I want to feel normal and be happy. I probably come accross as completely sane, all my feelings stay locked up and it is eating me inside, i need help because things are getting worse.

 

Thank you for reading this and please post something, advice that can help

 

x

[Gracelove]

I know you said you've seen a few doctors, have they prescribed medicine?

 

I know that anti-depressants can help.

 

Personally I think that you just need to take the time to get to know yourself, really.

 

Get a journal, and right down everything.

 

Write the bad thoughts you're experiencing and write how they make you feel, not about what you think others feel about your behavior/antics.

 

Write how you feel when you have those thoughts.

Do you feel somewhat pleased?

Scared?

Secure?

Don't be afraid of your feelings, k.

If those thoughts make you feel something pleasant, don't dismiss them.

You have to get to know yourself better.

If you explore and examine yourself regardless of any fear you're feeling, then you'll eventually discover the source of your thoughts and feelings.

 

You don't want to get to the point where you feel that you can't trust yourself, or the things you'll do...that means you are a stranger to yourself.

And I think that has to be one of the worst things.

 

Start researching your thoughts and feelings, I'm sure that will help you with your current situation.

[Tigris]

Have you seen a Psychiatrist? If you haven't ask your G.P. to refer you to one. You desperately need some professional help.

 

Some of the symptoms you describe I had before I saw the psychiatrist and was put on meds.

 

Good luck and take care.

[allmessedup123]

Thank you both v.much for your replys. Tigris, no i havn't yet seen a Psychiatrist but i know i should. What were you diagnosed with?

[Tigris]

Depression brought on by being overstressed. The psychiatrist put me on some meds for a while to stabilise my moods. After a few months I was ok and stopped the meds. Unfortunately more stresses have hit me recently and I'm back on them again.

 

The Psychiatrist explained that it wasn't because I can't handle stress, it's down to the amount of stresses at the time. He said, 'In one's and two's you'd be able to cope like a 'normal person', but your stresses come in larger numbers and you've got nobody to help you deal with them, so you end up on overload again.'

 

I've been seeing the psychiatrist for 4 years now.

 

The sooner you get help the quicker you get better.

 

Good luck and take care.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Yesterday, I spent a couple of hours believing I am the next Messiah.

 

There are plenty of us out there . . . take comfort in the fact you are not alone.

[caring person]

Try this too...

(This part is very important...get outdoors and let the sun shine on your skin for 20 minutes or more and take a walk or jog while you are doing it.. why? here is the science behind it... the sun on your skin wards off depression by several reasons (one being vitamin E) and the walk or the jog helps to move along the fecal material that can cause depression by just laying motionless in your sedantary bowels as you sit in a chair...

3 Last, and most importantly, pray to God for guidance, and thank him for your blessings.

You could also volunteer, God loves those who help and love others too! And the nice things you do will give you a good feeling.

Also, yes, go talk to a counselor or psychologist, they will help too.

I started doing this and I feel fine now, thank God!

PS, consider a religious life of helping others, especially those less fortunate than you. Take care and God bless!

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

The above poster is very much worth listening to in my humble opinion, but if you feel "suggestible", my advice is to stay away from elements such as religion, which can lead to all sorts of fears and delusions.

[Tigris]

I find that walking in parks and listening to the birds, the wind, rustling of trees, etc., makes me feel better.

 

My depression is brought on by stress!