allmessedup123

Thank you both v.much for your replys. Tigris, no i havn't yet seen a Psychiatrist but i know i should. What were you diagnosed with?

Hope some nice soul can give me some answers.. I know there is something seriously wrong with me in the head but i don't know what. It feels like no one on this earth thinks the way i do and it scares me. I know im depressed, i think when you are you just kind of know it is depression and that your not just "down in the dumps" but its more than depression. I have weird thoughts like i often think that i will not be able to control my thoughts and i will speak what im thinking like on the bus today, i really thought i was going to get up and do something stupid and i felt like people knew what i was thinking. I also sometimes think that i can control things with my thoughts. I think really sick, bad things that i really wouldnt want to happen or do but why do i think them? and i cant control my thinking, i will just keep thinking bad things. I hope this is making sense, i have never admitted any of this to anyone or even wrote things down so it feels kind of weird. I just really want to know what i have so i can treat it. Okay this is going to take too long to explain so i will just some-up my symtoms: -Bad thoughts (incest etc) that i cannot control -Depression, (suicidal thoughts) -Guilty feelings ALL the time like i have done something to annoy someone etc -Self hate (pretty much all the time) -Thinking that people know what im thinking -Thinking that i can control things and people with my mind -Extremely weird and vivid dreams -I also get this weird feeling now and again (it is soooo hard to explain, its like complete emptyness and i get really emotional, normally lasts for bout 30 seconds) -Very indecisive There are lots more things but i can't think of them right now. I have seen a few docs about my depression and spoke to a few people but it feels like i can never change and will be like this forever. Thats why i hope that i actually can give a name to my symtoms and cure them. I want to feel normal and be happy. I probably come accross as completely sane, all my feelings stay locked up and it is eating me inside, i need help because things are getting worse. Thank you for reading this and please post something, advice that can help x