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4 years Lost


Erikinlove
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Hey There!!!

It sounds like there is a chance you guys will get back together.

Maybe you should consider dating as well. I know you love her and that dating is probably the last thing that's on your mind, but it may not be a bad idea.

At least that way she'll see that she can't "put you on hold".

If she is free to date others, then you should do the same.

Even though you may not be interested in finding another girlfriend. You don't have to kiss anyone if you don't want to. Just hang out.

If she thinks that she can do anything she wants, and come back to you simply because you'll be there, you are putting yourself in an awful situation.

I guess I would just suggest that you date as well. It may force her to get serious about your relationship.

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I'm sorry that you're in a confusing situation right now...but the one piece of advice that I have for you is...DON'T change for her. It will not make you happy. Change for yourself if you feel like there are things about yourself that you need to improve...but if you try to change to make somebody else happy, it will all come crashing down...

 

Good luck!

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I think there is a little more to this than her wanting to break up simply because she has a crush on someone she has never even spoken with.

 

Either she has spoken to him and possibly more, or she is using this as an excuse. Either way she is looking for a break.

 

I would advise highly against ever 'asking about us', that would be just putting pressure on her and causing her to push further away.

 

If you want her back the best thing you can do is to tell her you understand, you love her, you are going to miss her but that you cannot wait for her or see her while she is doing this.

 

Then cut off all communication with her. By doing this not only will she respect you but if she really loves you she will eventually realize she made a mistake and miss you. It also allows you to not be caught up in this cycle and have to be around her knowing she wants someone else. If she doesnt come back then she is not the one for you, no matter how hard that is to believe at this point. But don't sit around and wait hoping, get out there and meet other women and try to move on, either way she will come back or she won't.

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I think Mike is on to something^^^

 

Even if you are guily of some relationship-wrecking behaviors and are willing to work on them, a partner of 4 years should be committed enough not to let a whole relationship go down the toilet over a visual unconnsummated attraction.

 

I can tell you that whatever excuse she gave you (ie, cute guy crush) that what she was really doing was getting tired and looking for a way out. Since you are still fulfilling her emotional needs, she isn't readu to give you up yet, and she might have even found that the world outside of a relationship is a cold place and wnats to come back to you, but it putting you through your paces first.

 

Personal growth is never a bad thing. Realizing that you need to work on your relationship skills and then actually improving them is awesome to do, but do it for yourself because WHOMEVER you are with deserves the best you that you can be.

 

Tell her you do love her if you think she is what you want. But then tell her that until she makes up her mind for definite what she wants that you will need some space. Go NC until she comes to you and has sorted out her junk. Don't let her have the upper hand and make you feel as if YOU did something wrong. Remember she was the one who canned you for some cute guy she never even spoke to.

 

And whatever happens, Good Luck!

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How was the atmosphere during at the movies and at the beach? Any physical contact? Paricularly deep conversations?

 

As far as her getting mad, I don't think that means anything except that she still expects you to be at her disposal...not that she's upset about not being able to talk to you.

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