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Stop hurting others and lying.


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But, circumstances are circumstances and things don't always end up that easy. No I have never cheated, but I have been a third party to cheating.

 

My girlfriend was married when I met her. He cheated on her all the time, not to mention all the abuse he put her through. He bit her, pulled her hair out, called her every name in the book, and flaunted his infidelities right infront of her. Then he made the mistake of giving her permission to cheat on him. She did, with me.

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Abuse never gets a pass... but the reality is it can and does too often.

 

I hate to sound like an "old person" but in twenty +/- years, you may well be surprised at what you have done in your life. Things you've sworn, absolutely and positively you would never do -- those things might be part of your own personal history.

 

I agree with the original poster -- get out of any relationship before cheating, it's just reality doesn't always follow my own beliefs.

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Wow, yes, I agree with Privately Playful.

 

I used to think that anyone who didn't do well in school shouldn't be given many "second chances" (as I was a straight-A student)...but then my mom passed away, I felt alone and suffered in graduate school...and if the graduate program hadn't been "understanding" about my first two years, I never would have finished my PhD with one of the best dissertation defenses (according to the department chair).

 

I used to believe that being a stay-at-home mom was the easiest (and least "impressive") thing to do... Boy, I couldn't have been more wrong. I still thinking going to work is like a vacation compared to taking care of my four kids...

 

I used to think that abortions were a a woman's right. Then I found out how abortions were done and how fetuses react. Suddenly, waiting 9 mos. to let a kid be adopted didn't sound like too much to ask of anyone.

 

I NEVER thought cheating was "understandable--" I mean, why not just leave? I never cheated on anyone I had dated, not so much as a smoldering look at another guy. After 10 years of marriage, however, I can better understand how some end up cheating and not divorcing. It's not that I think it's "good," but I can understand that it's "complicated." For example, sometimes, you don't want to break up the family, which often includes kids...and it isn't "bad" enough to warrant a breakup...it's just passionless and dead...

 

Pretty much, I'm really hesitant about judging anyone now...considering how wrong I have been on so many things in the past...

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Selfish, immature, lowlifes, and they run when they are caught.

 

Who is? I agree with the general vibe of the post...end a relationship before you cheat...but if you cheat before you end it, then your next step before your morning cup of coffee should be to end it.

 

But for anyone who says life is easy, and relationships and human interaction are not messy (a.k.a, * * * * happens) - take a look around the world and think again. Some people are cruel, they cheat as if it's a game - these people are the quotes above. Other people are lost & feeling low, or unhappy and they reach outward. You cannot lump everyone in the same category. Just not that simple.

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Its not complicated. No matter what the situation is, it is never right to cheat on the other person. Whats the big secret in all of this?

 

Responsibility and self-control. If you commit to a marriage, to a monogamous relationship, or an engagement you have promised the other person that you will NOT cheat on them, and that you love them enough to be faithful to them forever. I can understand temptation when the passion is dithering, but in making these promises you have a responsibility to not only the other person but to yourself. You have to have the courage to stand up and be loyal to your own word, and if you can't do that then you are betraying both your partner and yourself.

 

Anyone who cheats is being weak-minded, selfish, and irresponsible in their most important of responsibilities. I would hate to know I was relying on another person emotionally who felt that cheating was a "complicated" matter, when all anyone needs is the self-control and courage to stand up and do what is right.

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I never said it was "right," I said I was more capable of understanding how such a thing could happen--and as such, feel more compassion for those who do such things. And your statement of "anyone who cheats is being weak-minded, selfish, and irresponsible..." is harsh. It might be a good idea to avoid judging others until you have walked in their shoes... Things look differently at age 18 than it might when one is 40, as I imagine it will look differently again when (if) I'm 80...

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It might be a good idea to avoid judging others until you have walked in their shoes... Things look differently at age 18 than it might when one is 40, as I imagine it will look differently again when (if) I'm 80...

 

Exactly. But Majorslayer, that is a great outlook on relationships.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Of course its wrong, so are lots of thing in life and its a very simplistic view to just say its wrong and you wouldnt do it, and as these are your current views anyone who does something opposing them must thereforeeee be a bad person. People do things for many different reasons- some of which you only understand if they happen to you personally, not everyone is perfect or has the same values, people make bad choices in life- it doesnt nesecerrily make them bad people.

 

At the heart of cheating it is a selfish (often spontenious) and cowardly thing done by people who are often insecure or have other problems in life, obviously it is best to just leave a relationship if you want to sleep with other people. It has the potential to really hurt others- but its not somthing usually done with the intention of hurting anyone else.

 

Do you reckon these are fitting?:

 

Sin: Punishment in Hell

 

Pride: Broken on the Wheel.

Envy: Placed in freezing water.

Wrath: Dismembered Alive.

Sloth: Thrown in Snake Pits

Greed: Put in pots of boiling oil.

Gluttony: Forced to eat rats, toads, and snakes.

Lust: Smothered in Fire and Brimstone

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Actually, doing bad things does make you a bad person. It doesn't mean you have to continue to do the bad things and be the bad person, but yes, if you are a serial killer, you are a bad person. If you are an adulterer, while you are committing adultery, you are a bad person. That is how it works; it's a shame, but that's the way it is.

 

You have potential to not be a bad person; you could change. Decide you won't be messing up anyone else's life starting now, and hey, presto, you're not a bad person anymore.

 

Understanding as I am of the confusions and difficulties that people get into, and I am, I'm not going to whitewash things and say "oh, well, I just made some bad choices, I'm not a bad person." Sure I am. But I can change....and I did.

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So let me get this straight, Ms. Human - you're a pro-lifer who's compassionate towards cheaters?

 

Like, it's not OK for an adult woman to make a decision regarding her own body when it involves "hurting" (that's so so debatable, BTW) a fetus, but it's OK for an adult woman to make decisions concerning her own body when it involves hurting another adult?

 

This is some interesting thinkin', lady. Maybe I don't understand 'cause I only have an MA.

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my ex left me for someone else..he was cheating with he now lives with her

 

she was his first love of 24yrs ago..

 

we had been together 11yrs..he left me and moved in with her after only seeing her for 2 months.

 

i asked him if he was seeing someone else..gave him every opportunity to admit it

 

he continued to lie

 

then left me for her..

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i used to BE a cheater. i was a lot of bad things.

 

i was immature, selfish, sneaky, manipulative, fickle, confused, and petulant. mostly i was insecure. and i knew what i was doing was wrong and i did it anyway.

 

it took being on the other end of it and learning the hard way for me to learn how wrong it is. in my current relationship, i couldn't even imagine cheating on my boyfriend. i love and cherish and above all RESPECT him too much to ever consider doing such a thing. doesn't hurt that he's the hottest, sweetest, smartest and funniest guy around .

 

in fact, that's part of how i realized that i was in love with him... my "wandering eye" went blind! in past relationships, no matter how into a guy i was -- no matter how new the passion was, no matter what i'd done to snare the guy -- i was still looking around for something better to come along. and so i looked and i found it and i looked and i found it and i looked and i found it and i looked until BAM! i found HIM -- not "it" not the "next big thing" not "new fun and excitement" not just a novel sex partner or relationship to get addicted to.

 

i found a person who i love for who he is, and i love every single thing about him. he feels the same way. he is so perfect for me it is (trite but true) as though we were made for each other. and i would never dream of hurting him.

 

after all, why shop around, when i know i've got the best in town

 

i guess what all this rambling is trying to say is that if you really love someone, you wouldn't cheat on them -- i thought i was in love when i was cheating, but real love contains trust and respect.

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