Azual Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 I can't take this anymore. The pain... the constant pain... The strength I thought I had to carry on is gone... All I feel is emptyness inside me and I can't deal with it anymore... I give Emily flowers, she says thanks and complains to friends that she has to carry them around and says she doesn't even know why I got them for her. She hangs around with a guy who obviously wants nothing more than in her pants, dating me or not. He doesn't respect her - Constantly pushing himself on her and being around her (unless I'm nearby), touching her things... I guess today (Thursday) he attempted to touch her breasts and she barely tried to stop him. As much as I have begged her to drop him because he doesn't respect her, or the fact that she is dating, she wont. All this pain... I give her tomorrow... I'll do my best to be the best guy she can ask for, that she has asked for... And hopefully... I can restart... But I can't be with her. She doesn't respect my wishes and just constantly demands I trust her and gets angry at me all the time. A little sympathy or somethin would be nice, but feel free to yell at me. I don't much care anymore. Again, I'll give her tomorrow. Hopefully she can change her ways... and see I don't want to lose her... but the pain... I don't know how to handle it... The Emily I fell in love with.... Was a strong willed, anti-harassment, beautiful inside and out (she still is, but she's changed)... And I know the Emily I fell in love with is still there... I just can't seem to find her. And this pain is beyond anything I thought I'd ever feel again... The pain of feeling worthless and no better than a toy... I feel used. I feel like she is toying with this Sam kid and running back to me everytime she realizes she's overplaying her hand... Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 Well, no need to yell at you because it's your life and although we here want the best for you, it's your life and you are most likely the only one who will have to live with the consequences of your actions. And sympathy is only a temporary fix as the problem will still be there to greet you in the morning. So what are we left with? Here's what you need to do. First realize that waitintg for her or hanging around in the background is a sure fire way to get your heart broken 100 times worse than it is now. It never works to get them back, it only leads to false hope which gets dashed when she finds another guy who she's seious about and drops you for good. Once you believe this, then you need to have one final talk with her where you lay it all on the line. Tell her how you feel about her and that you want her back, but if she's not interested in the same then you want to keep out of touch. If she wants back in, fine. But if not, then you have your final answer, which anything other than an outright yes translates to a no, and then you can go into NC and move on with no doubt as there's nothing left to say. Link to comment
Azual Posted September 1, 2006 Author Share Posted September 1, 2006 I know Helo... I just... I don't want to give up... but I can't keep doing this... And she knows I'm serious... but I don't think she wants that yet... We're both young, and maybe she just wants her cake and eat it too... (That is used so much on this board... lol) And I agree with you. I find it so weird I can give others the same advice... yet not take it for myself til I see someone else say it. I hate the thought of NC... but I know it's what's going to help me the most... but I still hate it. I thought she was perfect... and I was wrong... Helo, what am I to do if she comes crawling/running back to me, begging for another chance some time (1-Unknown amount of days later)... what am I going to do. My heart will want her back... but I don't want to go through this again... Link to comment
Azual Posted September 1, 2006 Author Share Posted September 1, 2006 Oh - And for those of you following my story and helped me out a while back - The roses I got her, best of the lot (Just blooming), looked awesome. When I gave them to her, I told her they symbolized my love for her. She took them with a "Thanks, now I have to carry these around?" That hurt. Come to find later (Tonite) that she was telling people that I got her roses, but she didn't seem happy about it, and said she had no idea why I gave them to her. This shattered my world. I was with her most of the day, and out of 6 classes, she kept them in her locker for 4... 4.5 months of trying to make it work... -sigh- I love you all. Honestly, I do. Link to comment
friscodj Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 Hey Azual- Brother-man, keep going dude. No one on the face of the earth is going to be able to talk or reason you out of such conviction in your feelings for this woman. Keep going dude, I'm serious. Keep getting kicked in the nuts, keep handing her a baseball bat so she can crack your emotional skull. Over time, your feelings of "love" for this woman will be overshadowed and replaced by feelings of distaste, frustration, anger, and eventually pure exhaustion. I really believe this is something you have to learn and experience for yourself. They say "Live and Learn" well this it, class is in session. Keep going. Beat your brains and heart in over this woman and not only do I feel you will move on faster and more completely by emptying yourself like this, but you will never do this again... Link to comment
Azual Posted September 1, 2006 Author Share Posted September 1, 2006 Friscodj - to put it in your terms... I've not balls left to kick, not skull left to crack - I'm tired physically all the time from this. I'm tired mentally - I find it hard to do work and pay attention. I'm socially exausted and because of it, a few friends have left me. I can't take it any more. I gave her all that I had to give... and it wasn't good enough. And like Helo said, unless I get a straight yes and she tells this Sam guy to back off and really actually enforces her choice... It's over. I'm completely dedicated to her, but I'm tired of all the pain. I feel completely empty inside already. I'm always cold... even if I'm burning up on the outside... Link to comment
friscodj Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 I'm completely dedicated to her, but I'm tired of all the pain. I feel completely empty inside already. I'm always cold... even if I'm burning up on the outside... OK, do you really think this is what a healthy, loving relationship should be about? What you perceive as "love" and "dedication" I see as "obsession" and "addiction". Look at yourself, "giving" everything you have while she is disgusted with having to carry the roses you gave her around and letting this Sam character fondle her... My friend...wake up! She is so gone and is not the same woman you knew...and that woman is not coming back... You do have nuts left to kick and a skull left to crack. You're not quite done yet but you are almost there. Once that little bit of hope that things will change and "dedication" to her is wrung from your body, you'll start feeling better each day instead of worse... Link to comment
Azual Posted September 1, 2006 Author Share Posted September 1, 2006 Thus is why I have a friend that will watch them in fourth and will let me know what is happening. I have a feeling I know what will happen then... so I'm already completely crushed... and hate to say it, but a knife is looking very friendly. Only thing stopping me from doing that is I don't want to give others the satasfaction of seeing me give up completely. I'm most likely done with this - I'm done with all the pain... I don't need it. But if she comes crawling back saying she loves me, what then? If she comes running back saying this Sam dude hurt her, what then??? Link to comment
lost_status Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 Seriously, this girl doesnt deserve you! You deserve so much better! I would hate it if someone was fondeling my partner, and it would kill me inside to know they didnt object, once I get over the pain I would drop them like a hot piece of coal. Noone should be treated the way you are being treated by this girl, it seems she isnt ready to give up her life of not flirting with other guys just yet. I wouldnt let anyone treat me like that. Its your call, I know, that you know what the right thing to do is. Its your choice. Good luck and stay strong. Link to comment
Ms. Babydoll Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 You can't let her hurt you forever, it's got to end at some point, I think you need to sit down with her and talk everything out with her, your feelings and everything. My boyfriend has been making me emotionally hurt for the past 2 weeks or so and I can't even count how much I've cried lately but this morning I decided to take charge, I went to his house and talked everything out with him and I got to tell you, it's the best thing you can do. It puts them in their place and makes them realise what they need to improve on relationship wise, if she is not willing to do that for you, she's not worth it all. Link to comment
Azual Posted September 1, 2006 Author Share Posted September 1, 2006 I know, I plan on setting everything straight tomorrow... getting a friends opinion of how close her and this guy are... and telling her she needs to make the decision of me or him because I'm tired of being hurt. Link to comment
lost_status Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 But if she comes crawling back saying she loves me, what then? If she comes running back saying this Sam dude hurt her, what then??? Thats when she will know she missed out on a great guy. If this sam guy did hurt her and she comes back to you let her know that there are counsellers available, sounds harsh I know, but if you decide to break up with her, dont get involued anymore. Its not worth losing brain cells over. Link to comment
lost_status Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 I know, I plan on setting everything straight tomorrow... getting a friends opinion of how close her and this guy are... and telling her she needs to make the decision of me or him because I'm tired of being hurt. Sounds like a good idea... but I wouldnt talk to the friend. Just talk to your gf, dont get others invloued, its not a pretty picture, trust me. Good luck! Link to comment
Azual Posted September 1, 2006 Author Share Posted September 1, 2006 Thats when she will know she missed out on a great guy. If this sam guy did hurt her and she comes back to you let her know that there are counsellers available, sounds harsh I know, but if you decide to break up with her, dont get involued anymore. Its not worth losing brain cells over. I know... but I promised I'd always be there... and yet I can't hold to that promise with her treating me like this... Sounds like a good idea... but I wouldnt talk to the friend. Just talk to your gf, dont get others invloued, its not a pretty picture, trust me. And she offered and not thinking clearly I accepted, and so she's going thru with it Link to comment
lost_status Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 Sometimes people need to break promises for their own well-being. You cant be there for her all the time, especially if you break up, you need to be able to move on and expirence other relationships. I believe this is what truly makes a person grow. Link to comment
friscodj Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 But if she comes crawling back saying she loves me, what then? If she comes running back saying this Sam dude hurt her, what then??? What definitive signs or evidence in her actions has she given you to lead you to believe she will come back to you and really want to be with you??? And why do you really think she will come running back to you? I think perhaps you should tell yourself you will give this one final and epic shot to get her back. You go over to her place, look her in the eye, cry your eyes out, express your undying love, and see how she responds...I think going through this might snap you out of this... Link to comment
Azual Posted September 1, 2006 Author Share Posted September 1, 2006 She's been playing the BF card all week... something will happen in that class and she'll come running to me and complain about it, but then ask me not to do anything. That plays with my head so much. And with all of you basically agreeing that I need to move on, and even some outside help (AIM and Email), most of you all agree I deserve better and I should move on. But it's hard. I know you all know this... and you can all relate. But damn... this is harder than I ever thought anything would ever be... Then again... no one said love was easy to understand... and Nothing is ever easy... Link to comment
Azual Posted September 1, 2006 Author Share Posted September 1, 2006 And on top of all this - Everyone I know except maybe 1 or 2 people is going to shun me. That's basically everyone I know... shunning. But at least I'll know who's loyal and whatnot, ya know? And at least I'll have that 1 or 2 friends... Link to comment
Azual Posted September 1, 2006 Author Share Posted September 1, 2006 Okay - I need sleep... 3 hours wont be enough but it's gonna have to work... Any advice before I get back would be appreciated. thanks. Link to comment
Azual Posted September 2, 2006 Author Share Posted September 2, 2006 This is a convo between me and a friend over a messenger service... MrGameHaxor: Hmm, I trust Emily... but I can't get the nagging feeling that something isn't fitting MrGameHaxor: If he is such an ***hole and doesn't respect her... why keep him round? JulieLuvsBrits: well.. when I see them together JulieLuvsBrits: they seem to be having fun... JulieLuvsBrits: what does she say about him? MrGameHaxor: She just tells me to leave him alone MrGameHaxor: And trust her not to hurt me MrGameHaxor: But she always complains about him JulieLuvsBrits: how so? JulieLuvsBrits: they seemed.. awfullly friendly in class. MrGameHaxor: Thats why I'm worried MrGameHaxor: She keeps telling me he's being perverted and whatnot MrGameHaxor: And yet I hear from you that she and him a little close for comfort JulieLuvsBrits: yea... I see them get really playful and friendly in class all the time.. MrGameHaxor: What should I do JulieLuvsBrits: theres not much you can do at this point MrGameHaxor: I need to confront her about this without sounding like I don't trust her JulieLuvsBrits: you should JulieLuvsBrits: after that, you just have to let fate take its course MrGameHaxor: -sigh- JulieLuvsBrits: I know its hard JulieLuvsBrits: but there really is...nothing more you can do JulieLuvsBrits: you've tried all you can What should I do...? I felt loved today, but I know she isn't respecting the fact that Sam is a threat - And she doesn't see that a real friend doesn't grope and doesn't disrespect... Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 Dude, **beep** Why are you worried about what's good for her? What about what's good for you? I know it's not easy to see through her promises and lies, but she will end up hurting you once she gets serious with some other guy. This is the danger you get into when you hang around in the background like lots of other guys do. It always ends with you getting hurt way worse in the end. What her and this guy do "behind your back" (which is not really behind your back because it is not your concern) have nothing to do with you and are a tangent to the central issue here which is Does she want to be with me? If you have any doubt to her true intentions, which most likely you do otherwise you wouldn't be posting, then you need to confront her very directly and ask her. All of this other stuff is trying to read into hidden intentions and leads to a whole lot of nothing and major BS'ing and disrespecting. Link to comment
Azual Posted September 2, 2006 Author Share Posted September 2, 2006 I'm done... I can't take it anymore... I'm finished and it's over. I was going to go with her to a dance, but she just tells me she suddenly can't go because her mom doesn't want her around me (Her mom never had a problem with me before, hell, she loved me, I was willin to learn square dancing one day while waiting for Emily to get ready)... So why the sudden change? Tried to call and find out what I did and if there was something I could do to fix it, but Emily intervened it and just told me not to even try. I'm done. The constant flirtations with the new guy, the constant hurt, and a sudden change of heart... There's only so much a heart can take... Link to comment
friscodj Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 I'm done. The constant flirtations with the new guy, the constant hurt, and a sudden change of heart... There's only so much a heart can take... Congratulations dude, it only gets better from here... Link to comment
Azual Posted September 4, 2006 Author Share Posted September 4, 2006 Hey friscodj... you were right. As much as I felt I loved her, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel better. That and there's plenty more fish in the sea (God I freakin hate that euphamism but it's true)... and specifically one who lives in St Louis... Hell of a distance but... Well... I'll see what happens... haha... To everyone who helped me through this... I love you and I thank you. Link to comment
redrose85 Posted September 4, 2006 Share Posted September 4, 2006 awesome news! stay strong and I know that you are going to find a great girl out there who will not cause you pain. Link to comment
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