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Roommate Drama


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My roommate and I moved in together in May and we signed a 1 year lease. Yes i have a very long way to go. So she lost her job last month. Then about 2 weeks later she disappeared for 2-3 weeks and just came back last night. Ok so during her disappearance she sent me an email. She complained about my wanting the A/C turned down too low (i have it at 70) and she also mentioned she had tried to get closer to me but i was always busy doing something and a whole bunch of other stuff. So i replied and suggested she close her ac vent in her room and i'd pay 60% of the electricity bill. along w/this i let her know i felt the same way about me trying to get close to her, seemed like she was always doing something else, would tell me she'd go out w/me then blow me off. anyway, i also let her know that i didnt appreciate her leaving dishes in the sink for two weeks and i also told her that we both have been slacking w/the cleaning and we should set up a cleaning schedule so neither of us would feel that the other was cleaning more than the other. she said she liked my ideas and that she'd be back the next day. anyway, that was a week and a half ago and she just showed up last nite. so she comes in, i say "hey u back for good?" she mumbles something walks up the stairs, into her room and locks her door. not another word to me. so how do i talk to her? how do i bring up our issues, not just cleaning but the money too. i'm afraid she may not have rent for sept. also, i can't stand living with her and i know she feels the same way about me. should i tell her this? should i see if she might be willing to leave, because i am the one who found the townhouse and i'm not giving it up and she wouldnt be able to afford the rent w/out me, but i definitely can w/out her. in fact, i plan to renew the lease next year, by myself of course. anyway i need to talk to her the living situation is affecting me at work and at school. i just cant concentrate. i need to get this taken care of. another problem is she hides out in her room all day so its hard to talk to her and i'm not home much. i work f/t go to school p/t and party a whole lot so...well i would love to hear your comments and suggestions!

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Tough one. You *cannot* be on bad terms with someone you're living with - just too stressful.

 

You've both swapped emails about your feelings - which is REALLY good. You've been honest and frank about each other, which is much better than any festering. So if it were me - I would make a date with her to sit down and calmly go through all these issues. So, maybe suggest that you talk about it one night (soon), and have pizza and wine, and get all the stuff on the table and come to an agreed compromise.

 

Bring everything up (nicely) on this one occasion; have ground rules - no shouting, no sniping, no interrupting and no nastiness. But do get everything out in the open. *LISTEN* to what each other has to say, and don't just try to show why the other is wrong, accept it's how you both feel. And then both of you jointly come to a working solution, which may not be perfect, but which you can both live with amicably for the next ten months. Something realistic and achievable.

 

Good luck - approach it maturely and in a matter of fact way, and I'm sure that it will be resolved.

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is she on the lease as well? If she is you can't technically "Kick" her out but you could just say "I need someone more reliable to share half of the bills and cleaning with me, so you make a decision if you want to pitch in more or move out"... I had a few problems with my roommate but it's all about giving a little bit more... you have to be flexible when you live with someone, and learn to pick and choose your battles otherwise you'll be fighting all the time. Were there any bills that you paid while she was MIA? If so, I would tell her you need half of that money now. Keep communicaion open. Maybe ask her if you both can sit down and talk about thigns... ask her if she has time at this date at this time to sit down and have a talk and work things out. With me and my roommate cleaning works best when we do it together. We worked out one day a week where we both stay home and just clean everything, that way we know it's always going to get done.

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thank you both for the suggestions. it was very weird seeing her today. there was so much tension. but i finally got the nerve to tell her hey, there's a lot of tension between us, so we should sit down and talk about everthing. so we're gonna talk tomorrow at 6. i'm gonna get some pizza and beer and we're gonna talk. wow, i just can't believe that i got the balls to do it! i'm really bad w/confrontation, like, i was all shaky when i said that too her. i'm sure i'll be even more shaky tomorrow when we talk.

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I can really relate to this. It really is stressful when your home situation is...less than perfect. I hope that everything gets worked out with you two. Good news that you can afford the place by yourself just in case though! A few months back, my roomie and I had to sit down and have a talk because there was so much animosity building up. This worked for a little bit, but then things got bad again and I am actually moving out tomorrow into a place of my own. I hope this isn't the case here

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