one year on....i still crumble around him

[locolady]

Hi all - i am really having trouble getting over my ex-boyfriend and would love any ideas!

 

brief outline of our relationship. We dated for 4 years. the first 2.5 were perfect - unbelievably good - the friendship we built was incredible and the envy of all who knew us. The last 1.5 although still good were plagued by jealousy and insecurity on my behalf and increasing flirtacious behaviour on his. It ended horribly when he cheated on me.

 

This was a year ago.....in the beginning i was pathetic, made all the usual mistakes, crying, pleading etc...although i knew i couldnt forgive cheating, i wanted to be with him so much i didnt know what to do. Then we had no contact other than a bday card for 6 months.

 

We have been working at the same place this summer as we are both home. We tried to go out for a drink but it ended up with the same old srguments. I just cant handle myself around him, i end up crying so easily as im still so gutted that he could hurt adn disrespect me in the way he did.

 

I jsut dont know what to do - i long for a friendship with him but always feel like im on a backfoot - essentially i think he is too ashamed of what he did to speak to me - its easier for him to forget about it when we have no contact and he has managed to move on now and thinks we belong in the past. he never intiates contact but tries to respond if i do. He point blank refuses to talk about the past though.

 

Why does the smallest look from him crumble me? i still care so so much what he thinks of me - all i want is him to think well of me yet because i took the breakup so poorly, i acted with no dignity and now i dont know how to correct that. How can i make him understand that im sorry for the way i acted without just being pathetic because after all he was the cheater and i was the heartbroken one. I think he just doesnt think about me anymore because it has been a year now but i am obsessed with putting things right. It tears me up that he hates me. I miss him so badly - will i ever get over him?

 

I feel that i was so full of life, so optimistic, so happy when i met him.....being with him made me complete, i adored him. ive lost all faith of every feeling that way again. I thought once i had the strength to leave him alone, he would miss me - what do i do now that it turns out he doesnt?? I know i deserve to be with someone who will be faithful but god i cant imagine ever wanting anyone the way i want him. Please help - its been a year and im at my wits end. Even the sound of his voice makes me weak at the knees - i cant even contemplate being with anyone else....i just want to be happy again and i need him to think well of me to do that. How can i impress him? i feel i lost all my dignity and im desperate to show him that i am once again the classy girl he fell in love with, not the pathetic mess he left last year.

 

Thank you

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You don't have to prove anything to him, only to yourself. He cheated on you so he is not a wonderful person, remember that. You don't need to impress him because he is garbage for cheating on you. So, you were hurt and cried, begged and pleaded with him. That's in the past. Nothing you can do to change that. Time to get on with your life. Get involved in activities and interests. Take fun evening classes, volunteer your time at a hospital, shelter, whatever. Pick up your life and do it for you. On a little side note, if he sees you have picked up your life and are happy and successful, chances are he will view you as an impressive person who bounces back and doesn't let setbacks and unpleasant situations bring her down for long. Maybe he will see the new, confident you and want to get back together...maybe not. But, you do it for you because it is healthy for you to move on. Remember that you have to be happy by yourself and for yourself. Don't let any man be the main source of your happiness. He cheated on you so he is not worth it.

[25thfloor]

The last 1.5 although still good were plagued by jealousy and insecurity on my behalf and increasing flirtacious behaviour on his. It ended horribly when he cheated on me.

 

he's a jerk...he cheated on you. period.

 

This was a year ago.....in the beginning i was pathetic, made all the usual mistakes, crying, pleading etc...although i knew i couldnt forgive cheating, i wanted to be with him so much i didnt know what to do.

 

pathetic? uh...last time someone broke my heart by flirting and then cheating, i felt pathetic....that's what cheaters do...they make you doubt yourself. you are not pathatic...he is...

 

at 22 years of age, learn the first time....walk away...why would you want to be friends with someone that doesn't respect you? he could have infected you with a STD, where's the pathetic now? HIM! he not only discrespected you, he could have killed you.

 

don't ever speak to him again, don't ever call or see him again. and as said before, the best revenge is grabbing the best out of life and going forward.

[valenski]

Hey Locolady,

Have you tried writting about it, you know keeping a journal, you can poor all those bad days into, try it you might be surprised. You need to move on to dwell in your past is the be forgotten so here's a hand lets pick you up brush you off and start living again without him.