everything is falling apart

[celticghirl]

from those of you who have been following my threads, i reported my ex to the police with my boyfriend. i was really proud of myself. things were looking up. my ex got suspended and an investigation started into my allegation.

 

i went on a break to the lake district with my boyfriend and things were going great. however i messed things up. me and jack almost had sex and the way he had me pinned on the bed was exactly the way jason (my ex) had me before he tried to rape me. i blurted it out to jack and he was shocked because i never told him this before. i ran out crying.

 

the journey back was awkward. nothing but silence. he dropped me off at my place and there were no kisses, no goodbyes. i felt awful. i called him and he said i dont love him as much as i claim i do otherwise i would have told him this much earlier. i asked him what he wanted. he said he wanted to split up. that devastated me.

 

i dropped the charges against my ex. the thought of seeing him again scared me. everything was getting on top of me and i feel stupid that i thought i could challenge him like this. i feel like he has won.

 

i did something i never thought i would do. i self harmed. i didnt feel anything at first. just watched the blood flow down my thigh. later on it was soo painful. i put some cream on it to calm down the stinging sensation and i screamed in agony.

 

ive been doing overtime at work a lot to take my mind off things. to keep me occupied and to stop myself from doing that again. it finally caught up with me when i passed out at work.

 

i feel soo alone

[lilac_indi]

hey celticghirl

 

that is really petty that your boyfriend dumped you for that reason.

 

just look after yourself now. focus on you and you alone.

 

what you went through with your ex sounds awful and i think you boyfriend shoud have tried to understand rather than leave you when you needed him the most.

 

you have university coming up right? focus your energy on preparing for that and look after your health.

 

take care

[Siriana]

sorry to hear that. he had no right to dump you because of that. He choosed the easy way out. Acted immature. Try not to get back with him. He hurted you way too much.

 

Well you droped charges - obviously it was too hard for you to go through all that stuff again completely alone. if you're not ready, you're not ready. I believe that you have to watch for yourself right now and if something brings you too much pain while you're fragile no use on insisting on that and continuing in doing so. It would be great if he good the punishment he deserves, but in real life it is more important that you are feeling better and safer. I guess seeing him again wouldn't be the very best idea.

 

I can see that you are feeling very bad right now and I must admit that I think you should ask some profesional help too. you have to deal with so many things at the moment that it would be good for you to have someone to talk with who is educated to help you how to deal with things in your life which are pretty complex right now.

[celticghirl]

i havent felt this low in a long time. i called my mum. i miss her soo much.

 

i got a call from my friend. jason is back on duty. i wish i had the guts to go ahead with the case. if he hurts someone i will never forgive myself. i feel guilty.

[Cid]

Just remember that you have friends here, just think of your health.