Becoming A Better Man

[heyduh]

before you try to "win back the ex" (WHICH I DO NOT ADVISE AT ALL!!) ... you need to understand the real reasons for the breakup. Unless it was an abusive relationship, chances are that the ex just "fell out of love" ... some will not admit this is the real reason and instead will try to rationalize their decision with so-called "problems" which really should not be dealbreakers if they really loved you.

 

I'm a guy and speaking from a male perspective ...

 

I read a lot of "relationship" material over the past few months. A couple of e-books by Carlos Xuma (The Dating Black Book, and Secrets of the Alpha Man) are the highlights. Some people say that Carlos has copied material from other "gurus" - whatever, I don't care - he has done an excellent job of condensing and organizing the main points of man-women dynamics.

 

As I was reading his e-books, I realized that I made every mistake possible in keeping her attracted towards me. It was as if these e-books were a case study on MY very own relationship. So uncanny. When we first started dating, I was in a healthy, normal self-confident mental state and easily attracted this woman (who is MUCH better looking than I am) ... she proclaimed her love before I was even thinking about it, we spent every moment (non working) together. And then **** started to happen.

 

Many of the things written by Carlos may be found digging through the archives here ... many things may be found in other relationship books, and e-books, but like I said, he has done a good job of putting it all together. The reason I stopped reading through these archives was the general negativity. Great advice, just not a very healthy environment IMHO.

 

Another good book (on Amazon) is The Way of the Superior Man .. although this is more spiritual so if you're not into that it may be a drag

 

At first I felt a lot of resentment and bitterness towards her, the way she left me, and then kept it lingering on for a while ... I would argue that she was stringing me along, giving me false hope ... But after reading all of these materials I realized that I was the REASON she behaved the way she did. I simply made every mistake that there is to be made in a romantic long-term relationship.

[Snow Patrol]

Hmmm, my ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago after 2 and 1/2 years of a very lovingg relationship. She says she's scared to commit to me because right now she is having doubts. She says the only way she can see if we are meant to be together is if she spends some time being single and see how she feels. She wishes there were another way that she would know but can't see any other way.

 

This really confuses me. I don't think she is stringing me along and trying to give me false hope like in your case, I think she is genuinely confused. But it sure does leave things uncertain. She could just as easily come back to me and say "Thank you for giving me this time apart and I want to commit to you" or "I'm sorry but it's over". And that's hard to take. Expect the worst and hope for the best I guess, not easy.

 

Anyway, what sort of mistakes are you talking about? I need to know for my peace of mind.

[Belle]

... But after reading all of these materials I realized that I was the REASON she behaved the way she did. I simply made every mistake that there is to be made in a romantic long-term relationship.

 

I'm curious as to what the reason was for her behavior and what mistakes did you make?