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How to find the TIME to work on things with ex?


laboheme
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Here's the problem: I'm still in love with my ex, and he said that he still cares for me and wants to hang out...but WHEN??? From the few times that we've seen each other since the breakup, I got the feeling that not all hope is lost, that as long as we have a good time together and I work on fixing my pessimism, we'll be able to build our way back to a relationship. I mean, he's always the one to suggest things, he's very considerate (i.e. not treating me like a friend with benefits), he still hasn't put away the things that remind him of me, etc.

 

He called me last night to see if I can do anything this week and told me his schedule...Of course, it was the polar opposite of mine, which really upset me. Starting next week, I'll be seeing him twice a week for sure, but that's in class, so nothing can come from that. Other than that, with school and work for both of us, how can we find time to hang out? (Honestly, neither of us have time to hang out with anyone who has a schedule of their own, we're both such workaholics that our social lives are...um...). But unless we spend time together, how can things progress between us? We both knew we'd be busy this year, but then again, we were planning to share an apartment -- that is, until earlier this year, his parents decided that it's not okay. And if we were still in a relationship, it would be okay to drop by for a quick hug after work at night, or plan a day off together, or to bring each other dinner at work...Obviously, I can't expect these things from an ex that I'm still friends with. So, assuming that both of us want to see each other, how do we do it???

 

I could say that I'm willing to start hanging out later, after work (I'm okay staying out really late, but I think it's weird to make plans starting at 9, I feel like parents will see it as a booty call). I'm definitely willing to get over myself there, but given that I was never willing to do that after the first couple of months, would it look like I'm trying too hard? I could ask for more random days off and hope that they coincide with his -- but that's just dumb. Or do you guys think it's possible to rebuild a bond when we're limited to just seeing each other in class and maybe after class once a week (if we're lucky)? Any ideas?

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I think if HE wants to make things work as bad as YOU seem to, he will make sure he's available and this won't become a problem. If he doesn't, then you have to evaluate whether you're happy with doing all the work to reconcile.

 

My ex is a lot like yours. Sweet, considerate, wants to hang out... But generally didn't make any effort or go out of his way. I simply forgot about a relationship with him and am moving on. I don't want to be with ANYONE that doesn't prioritize me at all.

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You need to spend ample time in person to be able to grow as a couple. If you both want to see each other still, you have to learn how to make time in both your schedules.

 

I agree with that completely...If we are to rebuild our relationship, which is what I hope will happen, we need to spend time together. But I'm not quite sure how to go about doing that. Obviously neither one of us can skip class...and it's not smart to cut down on our work hours (both financially, and for fear that the managers will think less of us).

 

I guess I'm wondering how people have managed to do something like that. If you're a busy person, how do you make time in your life for a significant other, potential significant other, or just a good friend? Or will I have to resign myself to the fact that I won't have time for any kind of relationship until I'm out of grad school?

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