My guide for the "Road to recovery"

[PRSOV]

Well after having no contact with my ex for around two months I must say I feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I feel much more in control of myself now, I do not have any bad feelings... I have a much better state of mind so I thought I would share with you how I got back on the road to recovery and felt so good again in such a short period of time. Please feel free to add anything to the thread.

 

1. Go NC immediately

 

After breaking up with your partner this really is the only way to heal yourself properly. Having contact will have those old feelings resurfacing time after time, so even if your ex insists on being friends... this is not their choice.

 

I also believe NC should be maintained if the ex wants to get back together. Test them and see how serious they really are about getting back together. Take this time to find yourself again.

 

 

2. You absolutely MUST and I cannot stress this enough. Stay away from any myspace, faceparty or any other type of online blog that your ex - partner may have on the web.

 

This can certainly take a lot of willpower. Luckily during my healing I have managed to stay away from these pages the ex has. It was hard but I knew it was for the best that I didn't visit them. I still do not want to visit them now because I still might get hurt by a single comment and I will not let that knock me down now.

 

 

3. Find outside activities that you haven't done before you help add variation to your life.

 

Relaxing time outdoors - don't confuse this with sport.

 

Go for a nature walk, experience different things outdoors and keep your spirits up.

 

 

4. Excercise - Find what you like outdoors.

 

For me personally because I don't have much money and couldn't afford to go to the gym or be in a swimming squad I did a hell of a lot of walking around the airport. It was truly an import facet of my healing process because it gave me a lot of time to think about what had happened and the reasons for it happening.

 

Your brain needs to be excercised! It is common to get into a rut after a break up... this must be contended with because the brain will become lazy and it is only a muscle afterall.

 

Excercise will also keep you a lot fitter and healthier and you will make new friends as well.

 

 

5. Go out with friends and really enjoy yourself

 

This is important time for you. You need to get back into the swing of things. I don't mean go out looking for a new partner, but go out and have a few drinks with friends, go to a theme park maybe. Somewhere that will make you laugh, keep you happy and not focusing on your ex.

 

 

6. Learn to accept yourself as a person again.

 

This really only comes in time with NC but it is essential for you to move on and be able to start dating again one day. Self - esteem needs to be rebuilt so confidence is regained.

 

 

7. Do not limit yourself when meeting new people.

 

It can be common that when you begin dating again that you limit the amount of people you meet because of the characteristics of your ex. They will probably not have the same qualities. In the past I have written people of because of small things that I kept recalling to my ex about... there were some quite gross mistakes I made back then but I have realised that you cannot have the same person back again.

 

 

8. Remember the future is bright, YOU WILL meet someone better.

 

Confidence my my friend. That's what this is all about!

 

This can only come with time. It can be so hard to defy, especially at the beggining of the end of a relationship (NC established).

 

These things happen for a reason. This person just may not meant to be in your future.

 

 

9. Randomly think about the negative things about your ex, it will help you in moving on from your ex.

 

I know this may sound stupid, but really it does help... A LOT! I have no idea why but it does...

 

10. Accept what has happened, learn from it... and move on from it

 

This is self explanitory but you should learn from the experience, try not to make the same mistakes twice.

 

I hope this helps you along

 

Good luck.

[rose2summer]

PRSOV,

 

Great post!

 

I am sure that it will help other members in their "road to recovery" process.

 

Thanks for sharing, that was a very nice list.

 

Rose

[dizzy_bruce]

Yeah good post mate, you made some good points.

 

But the brain *really* isn't a muscle.

 

bruce

[NJRon]

That's awesome PRSOV! Really great. In my case, I would like to add to #5... Take the opportunity to make new friends.

 

Aside from that... your advice is great and should be referred to by anyone who is going through a brekaup.

[PRSOV]

That's awesome PRSOV! Really great. In my case, I would like to add to #5... Take the opportunity to make new friends.

 

Aside from that... your advice is great and should be referred to by anyone who is going through a brekaup.

 

I tried to slot that into sports? - make new friends... I thought

[lilac_indi]

great post! very nicely said

[Relationship Coach]

I just got a vision of you carrying these rules down from a mountain top! Words to live by, words to heal by! Nice job buddy.

 

RC

[NJRon]

I tried to slot that into sports? - make new friends... I thought

 

Great idea, if you like sports I suppose

 

Everytime I think of sports, I can only think of how much more useful the money would be going to charitable organizations.. but hey.. to each their own

[NJRon]

Doh.. I see.. exercise... my bad.

[tobetterdays]

right on the money

been doing all of these and feeling better by the day

[Speedway]

These are spot on!

 

Esp. #9 is now easier after coming up with 20+ reasons that were nagging me more or less. The idealization phase is clearly over.

[PRSOV]

Thank you for the replies, I hope these help people in moving on and leaving their ex partners behind.

 

Although personally,

 

I think the things that helped me most is keeping away from the online blogs and the negative thoughts.

[kittenmoomoo]

Thanks PRSOV. Great thread!

[lindsey248]

hope this will help me i was in an abusive relationship for 5 years..after the last big beating 4 days ago he is calling and leaving messages telling me how much he hates me and that its always my faukt for provoking him we both cheated on each other at one time or another but now it seems like he is spreading horrible rumors about me and denying that he even did anything wrong ( i have 2 cracked ribs from the last incident and he claims he only hit me in the head??? the thing is he keeps calling ME telling ME not to speak to him and calling me names. my problem is i feel like he just got away with what he did and now i look like the idiot and makes me want to call and yell and scream at him...i shouldn't listen to his v-mails but i can't help continuing to check my phone to c if he's called even though i know it will only be mean degrading things....am i sick to still love him and want to be with him? i'm trying to hard to have no contact but its so hard...y doesn't he just not call at all?

[PRSOV]

Have you reported him to the police?