The Double edged sword.. Breaking up Sucks...HELP?????

[dimiakira]

hey, im new to this forum and this is my first post. it might just give me a chance to let off some steam. it might set me free.

 

anyway..

 

i really need some advice i guess.

 

Me and my partner have been on and off together for 4 years. every time we broke up months will pass and we will always end up forgiving eachother and grow from it and get back. this time its different.

 

My father had recently passed when she came in my life for the last time. she helped through it all. helped me pick up all the pieces. Got me out off things like my gambling problem, alchocol abuse and my infedelities.

when my father was going through cancer i went on a destructive path

 

i was also diagnossed with bi-polar

 

Everything was going great. Until one night i slept over her place. i was lying on her bed. and i couldnt stop crying. cryed so hard it felt like my heart was anytime going to come out of my mouth. i explained to her how much i loved her but i really needed my time to get over my father and concentrate on myself. i explained i had bi-polar and if we were to have a life together i would want to be able to control it for the sake of us. she couldnt understand this and when i walked out she said if you ever come back we will never be the same.

 

she was right

 

1 week later she had thought she was pregnant. i asked her to come by place to dicuss and findout together. she never made it. she went over to her friends' house Calven. and said she slept there cause she was tired from work. i was extremelly angry and felt she cheated on me. my head was playing with me.

 

2 weeks after some of our mutial friends had told her about my infedelities with other women and said to stay away from me. they had to tell her of all my wrong doings

 

her and our friends wouldnt even talk to me for a long time and had a Huge fued.

 

my friends forgave me but it was never the same. i finally met up with my now ex and sorted out things out as friends.

 

then just two days ago i slept over her house we did a few things together in bed but not sex. she wouldnt allow me. the next day i took her to her shop where she manages. everything was great until something clicked in my head.

 

i said to her you feel different. I honestly knew what i dreaded. i made her confess that she was sleeping with that guy calven. i asked her if you have moved on why do all those things with me last night. why hold my hand while walkin with me. why kiss me. WHY WHY WHY WHY??

 

and i left because of discust. Now she and our mutual friends( if i can call them that) are going out to dinner with her and this new guy.

 

i'm so hurt.

 

i want to tell this calven dude the truth about what me and her were doing. i could totally destroy her. if our mutual friends just knew they would label her a * * * * and would dis own her.

 

what should i do? should i take on justice and destroy her new world. or should i just let things be and move on with my life. If so how when i know all these things.. PLease Help

 

Ps. Sorry for the long post

[melrich]

Let things be and move on. If you try and destroy her world you will not only be caught up in it but everyone would see it for what a petty act it would be.

[friscodj]

Welcome to ENA dimiakira! Great to have you around here...

 

You are essentially asking about taking revenge on this woman. There are a million sayings out there regarding revenge...take your pick...they were all concocted for a reason and have truth to them...

 

As hard as it is, how angry and hurt you are right now, I really think justice will be served on its own in its own time. You may not see and it may not come for a while, but I think it will come. Trying to believe in this might ease your tension with the situation...

[curbie]

Hello & welcome to eNotAlone.com I'm sorry to hear of the situation....but I think right now the best thing for you to do is just walk away from your ex girlfriend and the whole situation. Just let it go and let her get slapped in the face....let the bricks fall on her. She will learn the hard way my friend. It almost seems as if she went and slept with this Calven guy just to "get back" at you for something. But I dunno what....I am probably just drawing stupid conclusions.

 

As for Calven....I would not talk to him. I wanted to do the same thing as you thought of...but chances are...(and these chances are pretty likely to happen) but if you or anyone else says one word about the girl he is currently dating....chances are...he won't listen and won't care because he likes the girl so much. But then again, you just never know. See...that's why it's all called chance. You take the chance to talk to the guy and he believes you all in time....or you take the chance and not tell him and let the bricks hit her and him all in time.

[valenski]

Well its good you decided to talk about it first, I know that helps, next make sure that there is no anger towards your ex, this is a long process and may take awhile. You said your ex was there for you and really helped you, its unfortunate things turned out the way they did but consider that you pushed her away to concentrate on you, that was selfish, then you cheated, not saying she was right for cheating but neither were you. Just go with the flow maybe this thing with this other guy is just a rebound thing and isnt solid. Maybe she still has feelings for you give her some space to clear her head. Revenge is a dark and lonely road and I wouldnt advise anyone to take it.

[dimiakira]

Well its good you decided to talk about it first, I know that helps, next make sure that there is no anger towards your ex, this is a long process and may take awhile. You said your ex was there for you and really helped you, its unfortunate things turned out the way they did but consider that you pushed her away to concentrate on you, that was selfish, then you cheated, not saying she was right for cheating but neither were you. Just go with the flow maybe this thing with this other guy is just a rebound thing and isnt solid. Maybe she still has feelings for you give her some space to clear her head. Revenge is a dark and lonely road and I wouldnt advise anyone to take it.

 

 

 

thank u all for all the great advice. just for the record i never cheated on her. i played with alot of women while we were broken up because i wanted to be distracted after my dad died. i wasnt ready to face it yet. i just wished she didnt keep seeing me at the same time she seeing this other guy. i know i needed my space but she should ofgave me some time before she jumped on some other guy. i wanted some time to regroup myself and to find my self. so when i am together with her i can take it that step further and maybe have a healthy relationship with her. i explained this to her but i guess she saw it as a cop out and that i didnt really want to be with her. i really wanted to give her the world. i guess i was stalling her. and it wasnt fair to engage in dating her again. but i loved her so much and i stil do. Just the thought of this other guy putting his hands all over her makes me sick. i want to throw up at the idea that she lets him. wasnt i good enough for her to wait. I guess not. i just feel sorry for this other guy cause i know he has got a kid and its not fair on the 5 year old child. I would be more hurt if she builds a conection with this kid who never sees her mom due to the divorce and for her to mess it up. i feel i need to tell him. its the right thing to do. its not about revenge. its whats right. But i guess im not gonna. Ill let things unfold how they are supposed to. ill wear the burdon forever in my heart. i tried my best to make it work. But i guess some people want everything right now or they feel like its never ment to be if its not there at the present time. i forgive her even though she really hurt me. And in time i know that shell regret it too. But then it will be too late. I would of found someone who truly understands me and what i had to go throught just to get to this special person. And i would finally say it was all worth it. to my future wife, im waiting and my life would never be the same. Im ready now to move on. It hurts but if i dont ill never meet you