paranoia or something is going on???

[Massari]

I will ruin this relationship by feeling insercure about myself and not trusting her. she says she loves me.. she wants to be with me. something happened in the beginning of our relationship.I was invited with my sister to a friends house for some fun poker I asked my gf to come with me she said no cause I don't know your sister and I feel really uncomfortable not knowing anyone except you. so I agree.. I am there having fun the she calls me she says this guy who she used to date for a week kissed her.. !!!! me and her were in the car 2days before that and he called her and they talked about cell phones so I am like.. who is he? she told me who he is and I said I dun like his intentions I know persian guys and I am persian too, so I told her I appriciate it if you minimize contact with him. so here she tells me that night he calls her tell her there is a party at his place and she goes there, there is no party and they are watching TV in his room he makes a move and kisses her and she backs off, she is mad at him she leaves the house and she calls me and tells me what happened. now my state in that time was pretty F*** just broken up with my ex whom was my first gf btw, so I was starting to develop feelings for my new gf and look what happens." I was mad and very close to breaking it off right there she comes back crying that she is sorry and give me another chance. I know this s while back but somehow I am still effected by that. she is younge 18. there is one other guy who keeps calling her from time to time and ask her out and these guys are good looking fit I mean ( face and look I think I look better but these guys have better bodies and are taller then me.. my gf is as tall as I am .. 5.6"), we have been going out for more then 3 months now and we don't have any of those problems. but some nights like tonight when I am coming back home from seeing her I am afraid of losing her . it took her a little longer then usual I was suspecious of her. now I am just wondering what would be the signs of cheating?? like how should I know that is she actually cheating or I am just INSANE by thinking that,

[candy604]

if she told you the truth about what happened, leave it and just focus on building up your relationship with her. If she's cheating, she would disappear, avoid you, be distant..basically not really a relationship .

 

But don't conclude she is. It doesn't seem like it from what you told us. You could loose her if you keep pestering her and start becoming controlling and stuff ( don't let yourself get to that state).

[Massari]

thank you candy..well she is not distanced however she doesn't call me as much as she used to but then this maybe cause we're 3 months into the relationship and its settling down and is being steady...

[candy604]

I find in my relationship, my bf does more calling than me. So it depends. If it concerns you talk to her about it and just tell her you like her hear from her and like talking to her on the phone and it shows she is thinking about u etc..

[Massari]

ok .. I think your bf is like me then.. do you consider him needy ?? cause that was what my ex complained about and eventually the reason we broke up so I dun wanna mess it up again. but I love this woman and I find myself not to be able control myself to not to call her.. not talking to her.. and all.

[1finger]

wow, well you all are only 3 months into the relationship, you two should still be in the first stages with one another.

 

Stage 1. Infatuation with one another

 

Stage 2. Sex- can't get enough of one another

 

Stage 3. Honeymoon stage, everything seems to be all good

 

Stage 4. Getting comfortable enough to just let everything all hang out and be yourself around one another, the good , the bad, the moods, and the ugly

 

And the stages very and also can come at different times too.

 

I know if I was in your shoes that I would set ground rules for the both of you. If one of you in not happy with the way things are and it bothers you that she talks to these other guys tell her. Tell her that you would like to met them if you want. Sitting down and talking about this with her. How would she feel if women called you and all that? Not saying that you should play games but get her feelings out of it. Maybe she would feel the same way as you feel and would have a better understanding of where you are coming from.

[1finger]

And as for the whole you think you area needy guy, pishhh. We all are needy people just in different ways, some of us are all about the attention we get, some are all about the p.d.a. (Public Display of Affection), some of us need to have lots of hugs and kisses, and there are some of us to have to hear loving words all the time, some of (me) need to have their snuggle time, and often atleast 2 times a week.

 

So there is no reason that you should feel weird or bad. Just remember that your feels are just that YOUR feelings. No one else has to understand them, or even like them, but they should know or hear what they are. Other wise in the end the one who gets hurt is the one who stays silent.

[Massari]

today she went out with her friend again instead of seeing me.. this is when I wonder * * * is going on here.

[candy604]

if you broke up with ur ex over the same problem, just learn from it. Maybe sit down and tell yourself, she isn't going anywhere, she is with me and not anyone else. Okay girls need time to hang out with each other, it's normal!!

 

Yes, my bf get's very jeolous and calls me alot and if i don't call as much he doesnt' think i care about him ( which is very untrue), but we've worked thru that now. But i was at a club once and this drunk guy tried hugging me and pulling me ( yes he wrapped his arms around me), it was so gross and i told my bf. He was hurt and sad and acted wayy over protective ( like i can't go clubbing again or somethiing). said it was my fault, ( which was a lie).

 

But i worked that out with him too b/c it was so annoying that he was trying to be overly protective ( we got into many arguments about it). So now i can still go. Nothing has happened, only that one incident.

 

You could meet her friends to see who they are and if they don't have the intention of getting with her. My bf's usually comfortable with guy friends i've known for a long time ( since highschool) who have gf's or are just nerds.

 

But you need to tell yourself, she's not going to leave you b/c she loves you. Don't call her like every hr, it gets annoying ( my bf does it to me), just call her 3-4 times a day ( when you wake up, during the afternoon to plan or see how her day is going and before you sleep). something along those lines.

[Massari]

finger and Candy. first of all thank you..!

 

but Candy I need to ask you a few questions. how old are you guys? one of the problems that me and my gf have is our age. she is 18 and I am 22 . so obviosly she is in that crazy partying stage. She is going clubbing this weekend with one of her gfs. she told me this last night, deep down I don't like her to go clubbing when I am not there.. I asked her if I can come also she said no. is this normal?? we had a long talk last night . she was telling me that she has more trust in our relationship then I do and I agree sometimes I don't trust her ,,and going clubbing is derfinately one of those. I really don't know what is the solutions to this problem . would taking a break be a good idea?? I mean how did you guys work through it? seems like your bf is a lot like me. She said.. she wants to enjoy her teenage years and she is not gonna settle down and not go clubbing just because I don't like it (selfish I think) what do I do now. she was telling me " I am gonna go to this club this weekend and you need to trust me and NOTHING is gonna happen there)

[candy604]

hey, i'm 23 and my bf is 23 ( going out for 3 years), so i'm out of the clubbing stage. But alot of girls like to go clubbing at 18, it's normal. Usually we just go with friends or gf's b/c you just want to have fun with your friends and not have ur bf sit and wait or get bored ( or tagging along lol). If your the type that would like to dance with her and have fun at the club, then she probably won't have a problem with you coming along. Some of my friends don't even want to club with their gf/bf's but just with their friends, so it depends.

 

yeah my bf hates it if i go clubbing ( i only went in new york with friends and it was safe - new york is safer now though lol). for me, i always keep my word and i don't get drunk ( drink very little there) and i go with a group of friends so my bf feels better about it. Also I stay away from sketchy clubs b/c you never know what can happen ( shootings etc..) But he also gets to go to the bars with guys and a few clubs. so it works out, it's fair then. I call my bf when i'm there and after i'm done so he knows i'm safe. I told him i won't go that often ( which is hardly never) but that i don't like him telling me i can't go. He knows i'm not that type of girl that's going to be dancing with guys and getting drunk. TRUSt!!

 

Just trust her though, but if she's going every weekend partying then i can understand you'd be concerned. My best friend and her bf are partier types so it works out for them( they don't care about clubbing and so they go separate with their friends or both go together). but once in a while is fine ( anyway it's still summer!). Just tell her to be careful that she doesn't get drunk and guys take advantage of her and ask her if she's going with a group of friends ( which is better) and which club. If there are guys going that you know it's good so they can look out for their girl friends. Just hope the club she wants to go to is safer than the others.

 

a break? haha..if my bf can get thru it, u can too

 

Tell her the reason you don't like her going clubbing is for her own safety and you don't want anything to happen to her ( since it seems to be more dangerous now a days) and that you know u don't want to restrict her, so it's up to her to make her decision to be safe and if she does want to go she clubs SAFELY. eg. don't get hammered, or if she does there is someone there to look after her, have a group of friends to go with ( guys and girls is better or even a group of 4-5 girls), don't meet strangers and stay away from drunk guys. and it might be a good idea to get her friends number just incase.

[candy604]

haha yah sounds like you two are very similar.

[candy604]

i think your the type that needs a girl whose homier and just enjoys spending time at home or doing activities.

 

I have some nerd friends but they also like to have fun and go clubbing ( just to get away from the stress of work). We are all 23 too lol. But we go in #'s, so hardly any one comes to bug us at the clubs haha.

[Massari]

well I am definitely not a nerd!!! Hhaha .. but I enjoy spending quiet time with her watch a movie.. go for walks.. i am rather romantic and CLUBBING is not romantic to me.. that's all.

[candy604]

hhaa no clubbing isnt' romantic at all.

 

good luck! don't stress out too much over it, life is too short to stress out

[lolz]

Usually guys cheat on girls and thats why girls on their toes. Try to keep her on her toes stop being so drowned in her! dont be the swimmer be the sea!