What to do

[princess81]

I am a little confused right now. I posted "He left" today like at 3 in the morning and this is relating to that. But in a nutshell me and my boyfriend broke up yesterday well I told him I was going to pack his things up so he could get the hell out and I do this very often yesterday was the worse but every time we argue I tell him to leave.

Well I havent been to sleep yet cause he called wanting to talk and it was crazy cause its always been this pattern were we just get back together and go through the same thing over and over again anyway this time he doesnt we are talking and he says I wish I could get in my car and come home I said why dont you and he doesnt answer for a while and then says well I am tired of going through this I think we need sometime to work things out and says other things.

Well here is the problem I dont want to do this I know I am the problem but its not fair it feels like he wants to grade me from a distance and then decide wether he comes home or not that isnt fair I accept him and take all of his faults and flaws but he wants me to be ok with this I know that I put him in bad position and I appologise but I cant do this I feel it in my heart that I cant cause I went thrue a break up yesterday to not just him, and then maybe two weeks from now if he ralises that he doesnt want to be with me anymore then I have to go thrue this again.

I guess my question is what would someone do in my position any suggestions and advise welcomed thanx.

[lunatic]

Well I find that everytime you fight you ask him to leave the apartment. I don't think it is fair of you to EXPECT him to come to the apartment after you throw him out. I know if I was in his shoes I would also be a bit leery about going back. How would you feel if everytime you fight with him he threw you out?

 

I know it bothers you that he does not want to come home right now but, you also have to give him credit for trying to take the bull by the horns and work things out. If they don't then fine but, you will never know what will happen. I say why not try and reconcile to stop all these fights from happening? If you love each other then that would be the best thing for you two at this time.

[DN]

Well I find that everytime you fight you ask him to leave the apartment. I don't think it is fair of you to EXPECT him to come to the apartment after you throw him out. I know if I was in his shoes I would also be a bit leery about going back. How would you feel if everytime you fight with him he threw you out?

 

I know it bothers you that he does not want to come home right now but, you also have to give him credit for trying to take the bull by the horns and work things out. If they don't then fine but, you will never know what will happen. I say why not try and reconcile to stop all these fights from happening? If you love each other then that would be the best thing for you two at this time.

 

I agree with hubman. As I said to you before beware that pride does not get in your way. Part of that is being able to see things from his point of view.

 

It got to the point where his family came to help him move out. Apart from other considerations, he may feel that he would be seen to be very foolish by them if he asked them to help him move back in again so soon.

[Beec]

You would have asked me to leave once, and I would have then and there. Bye. I would not tolerate that, ever. He did, but each time you said it, I am sure it hurt him. And now you are worried about hurting twice? How many times did you do this, and you are worried about hurting twice???!!! Well, if I were him my response to that would be TS, as in tough ____. Enough with me being harsh, you screwed up and seem to know it. And he took it time and time again, until now.

 

You need some time away from each other, and when and if you come back you need to stop this kind of stuff and learn how to control yourself and learn how to develop new ways to deal with each other. If you thinking he is goine for good helps over the next few weeks, then think that. But still, stop behaving like this. It's not good for anyone invovled. Do what you need to do to control it, learn how.

[princess81]

Hubman thanx for the input and for not sugar coating it. DN thanx again me and him talked about that I asked if part of the reason that he wasnt coming back home had to do with his family he said yes and I said well you need to be a man you are not having this relationship with your family you are having it with me I am sure that when they have problems with their significant other they dont wait for you to feel comfortable or wait for your approval if they want to be with who they want to be with they go now if there is another reason why then I understand but I just cant do it. Beec I liked your bluntness and honesty thanx.

[lunatic]

Hubman thanx for the input and for not sugar coating it. DN thanx again me and him talked about that I asked if part of the reason that he wasnt coming back home had to do with his family he said yes and I said well you need to be a man you are not having this relationship with your family you are having it with me I am sure that when they have problems with their significant other they dont wait for you to feel comfortable or wait for your approval if they want to be with who they want to be with they go now if there is another reason why then I understand but I just cant do it. Beec I liked your bluntness and honesty thanx.

 

Anytime Princess!

 

I really hope you work your issues out. Remember to not let that pride get in your way. A relationship is a two way street and you MUST pick and choose your battles. There is no other way around that hun.

[Riggz41510]

Hello

 

My ex was much like you.. Anytime we would get into a argument no matter how big or small, she would tell me to leave or I can go.. It's a horrible feeling to feel like you're walking on egg shells, or this person had this much control over your life..

 

When you say you know its you, what do you mean by that?

[Beec]

princess, if you want this to work, you have to lessen the passive-aggressive behavior. Most women will never stop entirely, but too much can ruin a good relationship. It's how you have learned to react, and it won't be easy to unlearn.

 

I have ended a relationship with a woman who did much less, but I am not your guy either. I've also seen much worse in a couple who has been together for a few decades. With your guy and you, it seems like you might be close to the limit.

 

If you recognize the need to stop this way of acting, and are going to work on it, then express some regret about it to your guy. He'll get the message, but you need to mean it.

 

When you told him "well you need to be a man you are not having this relationship with your family you are having it with me I am sure that when they have problems with their significant other they dont wait for you to feel comfortable or wait for your approval if they want to be with who they want to be with", that was also being that way.

 

For some guys, it can also be addictive, too. But that does not mean it's healthy.

 

Good luck.