Life help (quite long)

[Name]

Hi everybody, i wasnt sure were to post this but i thought this was best, i'm having trouble sleeping, it's now 5:16am (UK time) and i could'nt sleep for thinking, i was thinking about the things that are going on in my life.

 

I think its a mixture of things that bothers me, like i've recently met an old friend of mine, i've known her since juniour school all the way up to secondry school - we was "boyfriend and girlfriend" all the way up until she left school when she was around 13/14 and i didnt see her again, i didnt know anything about it, she never said goodybye or anything, at the time i was also 13/14 and it didnt affect me that much because i was young etc... I'm 23 now and one of my friends told me that she was living in my very road - this was around a month ago now - we bumped into each other one day, she is so pretty, i was so happy to speak to her again, we spoke catching up for hours. I didnt really know what to think about what she had been up to since she left... along story short she had moved school because she went to live with her dad and when she left school met some guy and had two kids with him, they guy buy the way was was much older than her, 36 now i think! ...And now she's met this other guy and pregnant again, shes only knew him for around 6 weeks and she's already got his name tattoo'd on her arm!

 

I just feel so ... disappointed, you know? It's like she's not botherd about what happens, another friend of mine i know well decided to get in contact with me too a week ago, i havent spoken to him in a while also, last time i did he met some girl and got a house - i *thought* he was doing ok until he text me last week, he told me that she got pregnant but they split up because he was drinking alot and couldnt afford the rent on the house they had, now he's living on his own in some place where loads of homeless youths live and he was telling me how depressed he is.

 

It just seems that everyone is falling appeart, i hear storys also about my ex and how she's getting barrd from pubs and how she isnt welcome at my friends house's, she's another one thats fell off the wagon, since me and her split (about 4 month ago, maybe longer) she just sits at her home and smokes weed with all her stoner mates round, she used to do it when i met her but she quit - she was such a nicer person when i knew her, i dont really talk to her now, she use to hang about with some of my friends and at first when we split, i stopped seeing them because of this, i was still getting over her, i suppose i still have feelings for her now, but again, when i hear about what she's up to im just disappointed - but it plays on my mind. I think that i have kind of drifted away from some of my friends because i was getting over her, im just frightend of hearing about her - not quite sure why (i dont think frightend is the word but its the only one i could think of )

 

I think its more my ex that bothers me come to think - i sit and wonder about what she's doing and if she ever thinks about me or anything but i dare ask someone - you know? I dont think i would like to see her again, not as she is now, she seems to have an attitude or something now. It's crazy.

 

It just seems that nobody is really thinking about what there doing, it's like there not 'switched on' if you know what i mean and i dont know what to do, i think about this stuff most of the tim. I'm sorry this thread is so long, if you've read it this far please reply, i would like to shed some light onto why this stuff bothers me so much, or is there something i can do? If i havent explained something vary well let me know, because it is early hours and im slightly tired

 

Thanx!

[nottoogreen]

Hi Name,

 

Welcome to eNotAlone!

 

It's great you talked and I hope tonight you sleep better.

 

Just now I remember a similar story from my teens, I was 13 she was 11 and we were good friends. Divorce and my dad's death had torn my family apart and I ended up moving far away. Have not seen her since. I remember her the way she was. ...

 

... And now she's met this other guy and pregnant again, shes only knew him for around 6 weeks and she's already got his name tattoo'd on her arm!...

I feel with you, it's so sad when a happy memory evaporates!

I just feel so ... disappointed, you know?

It's the right word.

It's like she's not botherd about what happens, another friend of mine ... he was telling me how depressed he is.

Such is life. Many make it, some don't. You can't help those who dont make it either.

... my ex and how she's getting barrd from pubs and how she isnt welcome at my friends house's, ... she's up to im just disappointed ...

Your ex whom you once loved, respected and cared falling like that hurts even more.

I think its more my ex that bothers me come to think - i sit and wonder about what she's doing and if she ever thinks about me or anything but i dare ask someone - you know? I dont think i would like to see her again, not as she is now, she seems to have an attitude or something now. It's crazy.

Lot's of people think less (seriously) about themselves, often they deny the need for change and are not even ready to be helped.

It just seems that nobody is really thinking about what there doing, it's like there not 'switched on' if you know what i mean and i dont know what to do, i think about this stuff most of the tim. ... Thanx!

You are welcome, I enjoyed to read your post.

 

It seems you are kind, caring and sensitive. You have some ideals and live by those. Your ex's and friend are not as fortunate and just live day by day.

 

Seriously, you can't help them. All you can be is a loving healthy partner/friend to your lovely healthy partner/friend.

 

My advice is: Swallow the pain, remember the tales in earnest and without regret and move on with your life. Choose future partners and friends wisely. And do not let adversity, disappointment and the shortcomings of others bring you down.

 

We always will be here for you.

[FreeYourMind]

I understand what you mean, it seems to me that a lot of people around are either inconscient or they are just plain stupid because they make huge mistakes that will take years to recover from. It is sad in a way that so many people just can't see the holes they are going to fall in, but I guess it is part of life, either you learn from it or you suffer.

 

Also, I don't know why but a lot of people I know just want to disconnect themselves from the reality, like it's too hard to handle. I know we all have to make sacrifices to earn a better living and it's never easy to deal with other people emotions, but there's no use at hidden behind drugs, alcohol or a manipulative boyfriend/girlfriend.

 

If you can learn from their mistakes without doing them then you are already smarter than they are. Don't waste your life being disappointed by those people, move on and try to meet people that think like you and go up, always up. I think you're feeling blue and it's normal. Everyone around me is feeling the same way with the fall coming, it's a seasonal thing. Summer is gone and winter is around the corner, it seems like a good time to feel that way.

 

And about your ex, it's normal to feel that way about her, she is probably thinking of you too from time to time. Just let her go, you'll see that in 3 months your feelings for her won't be the same and next spring might see you with another girlfriend. I heard that the best months of the year to find a new girlfriend online are october and november, all the single girls just don't want to be alone for christmas, why don't you give it a try? It will make you meet different girl that will be more like you.

[Name]

Hi! Thanks for replying!

 

Its good that people understand what i'm on about because i can talk to some of my friends but i dont exacly get much from them... 'i know yeah' is about there limit of response.

 

Maybe it is when i'm feeling blue but it just seems that there is nobody to talk to that understands or shares the same views or feelings and it makes me feel down, then i end up thinking about it all.

 

I should get some sleep tonight hehe, i felt like i was gonna burst because i wasnt speaking to anyone.

 

Thanks for replying people!!

[nottoogreen]

Hi! Thanks for replying!

You are welcome!

Its good that people understand what i'm on about because i can talk to some of my friends but i dont exacly get much from them... 'i know yeah' is about there limit of response.

And their limitited common sense.

Maybe it is when i'm feeling blue but it just seems that there is nobody to talk to that understands or shares the same views or feelings and it makes me feel down, then i end up thinking about it all.

Being a geek before the word existed, I relate to that. My friends were much older mentors when I was in my 10s and 20s. You can't expect people relate to you or understand you.

I should get some sleep tonight hehe, i felt like i was gonna burst because i wasnt speaking to anyone.

Enough sleep is important.

 

I found it useful to be courtious with people without expectations beyond them being civil.