Anniversary

[PRSOV]

I am just posting this to vent my feelings, that is all.

 

It is approaching the six year anniversary since my late grandfather died. He had a long road leading up to this we new roughly about six months before hand that it was going to be a long road. Always taking time off school to help, and always being there. My father and he were not that happiest of father and son in their household. This was typically the household that favoured the first born, my father was not the first born in his house, and neither was I. Because of this my fathers and I were always treated second best to our sisters by him. He was always a good grandfather to me, but there was always something extra that he gave the first born's and not us. My dad and I both know it, and we have disscussed it on a few occasions solo.

 

I remember your funeral, I stood up there and made my speech in my air force uniform. Turning to look at your coffin, tears began to come out of my eyes, controlling my emotions just became impossible... I beared all, and in front of many people, I soldiered on through my speech about you and your life and the effect that you had on me, and to this day I don't know how I did it, my mouth felt like it had been disabled and I was just saying words that had been pre-programmed. My father told me after that it was the most emotional and powerful speech I had ever given, even though it was slightly embarrassing at the time, it felt so good to do what I had done. I did not wimp out on you, although many times I thought about stepping down and letting you on your way to heaven. I hope you are proud of me for that.

 

I respect you for what you did for our country, you fought for our freedom; and because of that we live in this wonderful and beautiful country today. Your spirit must have been so low while you were in the prisoner of war camps for those many years of driving around wheelbarrows and fetching the dead bodies of those that had perished, all while only being given a piece of bread and a can of water a day. I truly respect you for that, and sometimes I don't think I could ever stand a test like that, but you soldiered on through it.

 

We had a lot of good memories together. Faintly I remember catching the old steam train up to Newcastle for the day. When the two of us were in England for that rainy weekend and we caught the train down to Portsmouth to do the inside tour of the submarine, that was a great day and I will never forget it. Although I didn't think you would ever let me lived down what happened that day. It sure as hell was funny though. There is so many things I remember about you, and some that I don't.

 

I remember the day when I was walking home with mum and dad in the rain to return the video on Sunday afternoon and we had just found out that they had turned off grandma's life support machine. You died inside because you know how badly you treated her, and I believe that since that day and to the day you died... you didn't want to live anymore, you knew what you did was wrong and there was no way you could take it back this time. As dad always says "You never really miss something until it's gone" and he is so right.

 

Somehow I am really confused to why I have tears rolling down my eyes right now as I am writing this. The emotional connection has gone, it will never be replaced. You left us six years ago... six years ago and it only feels like three. I know you wanted the best for me, and I don't know what you let the first born thing get in the way, maybe it was just your mental psyche or maybe it was just you... but I definitely got my stubborness from you and nobody else... remember the arguments that went on for weeks? I remember one particular instance when our family didn't talk to you for six weeks because you were so stubborn and in your whole life you only ever apologised for your wrongdoings once.

 

Dad told me about the blood money. Mother spent all your money that you were given for the war before you had a chance to get to it, I understand that must have been painful. It was a few thousand dollars and I know now you hated her, and Alfred... with good reason, but not for that only. Too bad I never got to meet him. Maybe it happened for a reason.

 

The sardine pin from the can that you brought back home from the war... you gave it to dad as a legacy on his 21st birthday and for something to be passed on down on our sons 21st birthday for future generations, he has fullfilled that role... and if I have a son... I will pass it give it to him in memory of you on his twenty first birthday. It may only be the ring of a can to some, but to me that is a symbol of what you went through for us Australians to have our freedom.

 

You know what I am doing with my life, I know you are watching me from above... I am fullfilling a role and dream that you never got to. I am taking the legacy because dad never could.

 

Why do I respect you? and I love you... and as much as you were a pig to us, as much as you treated my mum badly for being english, I still wish you were here with us today.

[socks1w]

Your Grandfather sound like a very interesting person.Thats really kind what you put. sure he's very proud of you.