Please advise.....I hurt so much

[martyhopkirk]

Hello Everyone, This is my first post, I have looked around as a guest for a while now but I need to know what you think of my situation.

I have been in a internet relationship ( between UK and USA )since late last year, we have talked for hours, webcam, cards, gifts, etc etc, I promised that I would visit early this year but decided against it ( I am still in a loveless marriage, and we are separated, living apart).

she is going thru a divorce at the moment, ..she told me tonight that there has been someone else, albeit briefly.... because she needed someone real, he has gone now, she says he will not be coming back, I feel devastated by this, I have assured her that I love her, and want us to be together but I am frightened that I will lose her, this woman is like no-one I have ever known before, she is everything I ever wanted, and never had.

She assures me that she never stopped loving me, and wants me, but I don't know if I can handle this much hurt inside, I love her so much, Am I right or wrong in hoping this will work......Please help , Your thoughts please.

Thankyou for taking the time to read this...... Marty

[Gilgamesh]

I can see how this can be hurtfull, but you need to take some things into account.

 

1) until you have been together and have touched her, in her mind your

not 100% real, your an image on a monitor, words on a screen, an idea

in her head.

 

2) she has expressed her feelings for you, and has told you a truth that

she could have lied to you about.

 

3) In all reality, your just cyberdating and have never really actualized a

commitment to each other.

 

4) If you were to meet her today, would what she did in her recent past

bother you? you think you would be happier with her in your life or out

of your life, thats the real question.

 

I have stated it many times in these forums, the internet is a fine tool for finding a partner, and for communication, but it does not substitute for human touch, and is poor at maintaining a relationship, because it does not fullfill the requirments that a healthy relationship requires to be complete.

 

my suggestion, tell her how much you love her, thank her for being honest with you, and give her your flight number!

 

dont make her feel guilty/bad for what she did, i think she feels bad enough already.

 

I am pretty tough on unfaithfullness, but i just dont see your relationship as consummated yet, yes you were chatting for over a year, but as far as i see it, you were only getting acquainted. until you hold her in your arms, kiss each other and tell each other as you look into each others eyes "i love you, i am yours" its not official in my book.

 

Do what will make you both happy, you do know what that is.

[doggyfizzle]

Tell her. You have nothing to lose, just to gain. One only gets to the top rung on the latter be steadily climbing up one step at a time, and suddenly all sorts of powers, and abilities... become within your own possibility and you think; "well, ill have a go too."