How in hell to arrange and international meeting?!?!?!

[Baby Carrot]

Here's the thing:

 

He lives in North America, and I'm in Latin America. We really want to meet, so we decided, he was flying down here, and then we would take a week vacation together in another city -not where I live-.

 

Yes, is crazy, we go from not knowing each other personally, to full contact and living in the same room for about a week.

 

But, is crazy too, having him flying all they way down here -or me up there-, just for having a coffee...

 

The hardest part of all this, is that it doesn't seem to be a middle ground.

 

Either we pay big bucks in order to be a decent amount of time together, or we just keep chatting and spending in LD calls... for... ever?

 

So how we arrange and international meeting, without going to the extremes, and without spending thousands of dollars in just being together for a couple of hours?

 

How can we manage to have a regular date, and not jumping directly to being stucked -in case it doesn't work out- in a hotel room, far from home with a week of vacation ahead?

 

Is obvious we have to find out if we get along as well in person as we do thru the net and on the phone, and not only assume it and go for it. But the distance and the $ seems to complicate things too badly!

[Ixtapa]

It is definitely not easy to arrange. I was in almost the same situation last year...when I finally decided to go and meet up with a guy I had been chatting with on and off for the past 4 years. He's in Mexico and I am in Switzerland, so quite a distance as well.

So anyway...we did like each other a lot as "cyber friends" but were both aware that we might find out that we didnt "click" in person. We felt that it would be fun to meet up but did not have any precise expectation of where it would lead us although we were both open to different outcomes.

 

Well...Mexico is a wonderful place to spend a vacation...so I decided that I would travel there with a good friend of mine and that he would make sure that some of his friends were available during our stay so that we could all hang out as a group. Everything went according to plan...except for the fact that him and I really clicked right from the start and spent most of the time "attached at the hip". I spent a wonderful vacation....however my friend ended up very jealous of me and my guy and was a bit difficult to handle at times

 

Quite difficult to tell you what is the best way to arrange such a meeting

I do think it is worth taking the risk. However, I would advise you to go somewhere where you know you could both go your own way if you really do not get along.

[Baby Carrot]

IXTAPA:

 

Thanks for sharing your personal experience. Judging for your nickname, I can tell you guys had a wonderful time at the beach right?

 

My gut tells me it is worth taking the risk indeed. I'm just affraid my gut is wrong and we're both like stucked in the same place, feeling like it was a huge mistake we didn't see coming, and that we're just wasting time and money.

 

BTW, I'd like to ask you... how you manage now that he's in Mexico and you are in Switzerland? Are you planning to meet again? How you deal with it when you're missing each other like hell?

[annie24]

I think there is a middle ground. What if you two met in some city where you both have friends? ie, Los Angeles or New York or Mexico City? Just meet up, you both stay with your respective friends, and meet up with each other for one lunch. If things don't go well, then just spend the rest of your time with your friend. If things go well, meet up again for another dinner or coffee.

[Baby Carrot]

ANNIE24:

 

That sounds great, except for the fact he does not have friends here, and I don't have friends or family there.

 

We're basically both on our own. He feels vulnerable doing all the travelling effort to come to a country where he can't even communicate in spanish, and I feel anxious about things not going the nice way we're expecting them to go.

 

That's why is too damn hard to solve, and the risk of shock of zero to full contact is huge. Still, no chance of middle ground... Until now is like everything or nothing.

[monkey1]

Yeah I suggest too you both travelling with a friend to a location in the middle. It's SUPER risky to go alone and be forced to spend a week together, especially if you don't know how you'll react to each other. Better to spend the extra cash with a friend than take a risk in your personal safety.

[annie24]

I agree with monkey. There IS a middle ground, you just have to find it. travel with a friend. Do NOT make plans together for the whole week. Be safe.

[Yvette84]

I had a similar problem, except it is the same country, just on the complete opposite side!!!!! we knew we couldn't afford to keep making those visits and we want to be together, we don't do long distance relationships. So he is moving here now. That solved our problem

[Ixtapa]

You guessed that one right Baby Carrot...we did have an excellent time at the beach and in Mexico city as well where I got to see where he lives and meet up with some of his friends and family.

It wasn't my first time in Mexico and I do speak some Spanish (and understand a lot more) so it wasn't totally unknown territory for me either.

 

I have seen my guy twice since then and planning to see him again but probably not before 2007 due to financial problems on both sides (I am currently studying so money is tight). The next time we meet we are actually planning on talking seriously about the possibility of taking things further (or not). A lot of things are involved there...mainly one of us taking a huge step by moving accross the world

 

I am having a hard time with the distance at times, missing him a lot...and also trying to keep it real (distance can make you idealize the relationship since you dont have to deal with the day to day stuff of "normal relationships"). However, so far I feel that the good outweighs the bad

 

In which kind of place are you planning to meet ? What type of things are you planning to do together ? Sightseeing ? Or just relaxing by the beach ?

I still think that going somewhere where you can be fairly independent if things dont work out would be the best solution. Like one of those all inclusive places at the beach where you can meet other people easily for example.

[Baby Carrot]

IXTAPA:

 

The plan is to spend several days in a village (lots of sightseeing and picture taking). I guess I'm fairly independent; I know my country; but he doesn't and it wouldn't be nice just to dump him there if things don't work out, since he's already kind of concerned about not speaking the language and about the insecurity of the 3rd world.

 

How I WISH I had friends or family there, or he had them here, so we wouldn't be under the pressure of making it work for so much time.

 

ANNIE24:

Im not that close with any friend or family member like to tell them to go with me, so gosh! I'm still stucked...

[annie24]

what country do you live in exactly?

 

I think you're just not thinking "BIG" enough. There is ALWAYS a way if you want it enough.

 

for example, you can meet him in the biggest city of your country. I have travelled much of the world, and I know that english is quickly becoming the international language. at the tourist centers, EVERYONE speaks english. that and a small spanish phrase book should be enough to get by on.

[Baby Carrot]

ANNIE24:

 

Thanks, ur words give me hope.

 

Im in Mexico. If you had heard the news you'll now that right now is a mess. Mexico City is invaded by angry mobs, scaring tourism away, that's why we're choosing other place -where there are plenty of tourists and personnel that speaks english as well-. But he's still concerned about having to move again to the airport and stuff like that.

 

What seemed like a wonderful getaway vacation to meet and have a wonderful time, is becoming into a nightmare of doubts and hesitation, since according to everybody, is just lunatic to spend a week with a complete "stranger".

[Ixtapa]

Ok...just read your other thread (age gap relationship) and had another idea.

Why do you need to go to "neutral" territory right away ?

 

The original plan I had with my guy last year (apart from the fact that I was with a friend) was that I would first spend a weekend in Mexico city (sharing a room with my friend and him staying in his own place there). Then, depending on how we would get along, we decided we would all (him taking a friend also) travel to the beach together (which we did) or go our separate ways if it didnt work out.

 

What about staying a couple days in the city where you live...with him staying alone at a hotel. Maybe bring a couple friends of yours when you take him out the first time (restaurant, bar). After that, you two could travel somewhere together if the feeling is right. If afterall you dont feel comfortable I guess he could either go somewhere on his own (there is a lot of places he could go to in MX where he would not need to speak Spanish at all, Ixtapa being one of them) or he could just take an earlier flight back to the US (he just has to make sure that his ticket allows for reservation changes).

 

I agree that you will have to take some risks if you want to meet up with this guy....but there are ways to ensure that you will be safe !

[annie24]

what city does he live in?

[Ixtapa]

Have to add that my main concern when meeting with my guy for the first time was not safety, just like you, my gut feeling was telling me that I could totally trust him (and I was right about that).

I was just afraid that we would not click in person and find out that we didnt have much in common...or even worse really disliked each other (chemistry cannot be explained...there are some people you could never imagine being physically close to...and I was just ready for that possibility).

Basically, I just wanted to avoid the pressure of having to spend a whole week with someone I didnt like in the end

[Meow18]

Based on this post, I thought you already had it figured out.

 

But since you don't, it really changes a lot. I think he should come to your town and stay in a hotel. It would really cut back on money spending.

 

But if you really want to go somewhere else, and it's going to be thousands of dollars, what's spending $100 more on a separate hotel room?

[Meow18]

 

What seemed like a wonderful getaway vacation to meet and have a wonderful time, is becoming into a nightmare of doubts and hesitation, since according to everybody, is just lunatic to spend a week with a complete "stranger".

 

Nobody said that. Not ever.

 

We were worried about the fact that you were going far away and planning to share the same hotel room with this man you don't even know.

 

It doesn't matter that you are planning to first meet in the airport, and then take public transportation to the hotel. Because a couple hours later you will just be alone in a hotel room with him anyway..

[annie24]

one compromise you guys can come to is to stay in cosumel or cancun or some other tourist/beach location. meet there for lunch or coffee, don't tell him what resort you are staying at until you've met him for lunch and think he seems like an ok guy. you both should stay in different hotels. if the date turns out to be a bust, then just hang out by yourself at the beach or pool, or meet some new friends.

[Baby Carrot]

IXTAPA:

 

Is great how it turned out in your case. Thanks for sharing. Staying in the city where I live was the first plan, but then he started to be reluctant about it since my ex bf lives here and he sees it like "my territory". So I said.. ok, fair enough, what about other town where we don't know anyone? And it seemed like a good idea, and I was so sure itd be great... and so sure we were gonna have a great time. But now, after all the advice I'm beggining to guess "Based on what?" And got to the conclusion nothing really guarantees we're gonna hang out in person as we do in the net, or on the phone.

 

The main problem is that I don't feel like we have a plan B if things don't work out. The pressure of making things happening the way they appear on our minds is beggining to be overwhelming.

 

 

ANNIE:

He lives in the US, west coast.

[BrokenWingedFaery]

Well, that puts him much closer than I thought.

 

I think, seeing as you speak english, he should come someplace close to the border, and you should go up to see him.