I don't know what to do with him!!

[Japanfreak05]

I've been with this guy for the past 1 1/2 years and at first our relationship was very exciting. We always went out together, always spent time together. Even tho I lived with my parents we still made time to see eachother as much as possible, and when we couldn't see eachother we'd always be on the phone.

 

He likes to street race his car. Ever since I've known him that's been his hobby. He is always spending a load of money fixing up his car to make it go faster. So I kinda felt like I was on the back burnner compared to his car for a while. But on our 1 year anniversary he bought me a 800 dollar promise ring.

 

I lived with my parents for about 6 months into our relationship. I soon started college and started living in an appartment. We got to spend loads of time alone and without the constant nagging of my mom, dad, and two younger sibblings. I lived in the appartment for 9 months. School had let out so I had to move back in with my parents (which is where I am now).

 

Ever since I moved back in with them, things have somewhat changed. Me and him we never go out anymore, he's been working non stop to pay the insurance for his car so I don't get to talk to him much. If we do get to talk it's only for a short time because he soon falls asleep. and if we do hang out he takes me home early so he can go out with his friends to some meet up spot and race his car (which he just spend 1300 dollars on a few weeks ago).

 

The worst part is, I didn't have a job the whole time I was in school, so he was always the one paying for everything, everytime we went out. I just got a job last week so I know that's going to change. He got me a new cell phone a while back(he wanted me to have a nextel like his) and he's always paid the bill. Another thing is I don't have a car, so he's always been the one driving back and forth all the time as well.

 

I feel like he does so much for me, I don't have the right to get upset at anything he does. So anytime we argue I'm always the first to give in, and apologize. I don't want him to be mad at me. I know I don't have much to offer him at the moment, but I'm trying very hard. It's good that he's sticking here with me and all. And he's always here for me when I need him, and he tries to talk to me as much as he can. Really, he's sweet, i'm just confused by some of the little things he does. I dont know if in reality it's slowly falling apart....I don't know....

 

I really don't know what to think of this situation. So just tell me stright up how it is. What does it look like to you? if I'm being a selfish attention hogging girlfriend please let me know, I'll take anything.

[valiantv]

The worst part is, I didn't have a job the whole time I was in school, so he was always the one paying for everything, everytime we went out. I just got a job last week so I know that's going to change.

I'm not sure if you're sayng that that's a good thing or a bad thing...

 

I feel like he does so much for me, I don't have the right to get upset at anything he does

Him doing stuff for you all the time doesn't mean he can do things that upset you - it's not like a mathematical equation where every good thing he does for you gives him credit to do a bad thing... I would say you should show appreciation for the good stuff he does but if he does something that upsets you, you should let him know (in a constructive manner, of course, not nagging or anything.)

 

Really, he's sweet, i'm just confused by some of the little things he does.

such as... ?? Like annoying things, or just strange things?

[redandblack]

You're going to have to talk to him in a non-offensive manner so he knows how you feel. One problem with my ex was that she kept a lot inside and just broke up with me without letting me in on the small things she was upset about (as I later found out). I can see this spiraling downhill quickly. He may be taking you for granted, but you still need to give him an opportunity to realize it and fix it.

[valiantv]

I think the key is that men are not mind-readers! What may seem blatantly obvious to a woman often passes right over men's heads. And vice versa.

[kellbell]

Hi there and welcome to eNotalone.

 

I see an issue here and I am afraid it deals with you. You are losing yourself in this relationship, you have made this guy the center of your world, you depend on him a lot. He needs to spend time with his friends and engage in his hobbies. It does not matter how much he spends on his car, frankly, I do not think it is not your concern.

 

So, I would really advice you to hang out with your friends and engage in your hobbies and interests as well. You giving him the responsibility for your happiness and that is not fair. You are responsible for your own happiness. In have a perepctive on healthy relationships:

 

"There's HIS time,

There's MY time and then

There's OUR time."

 

It is very important to maintain your own identity when in a relationship. You need other things to fall back on. I wish you all the best and take care.

[ryan14]

to Bewitched1101

 

please listen to the previous poster,

 

my take:

 

i'm not quite sure, but you sound like someone that doesnt need attention, but a person who wants more than what you currently have( not being rude here ). i think you must have felt like something is still missing, even if he's doing all the stuff, just my opinion.

 

i need more of your input here : ) coz i think the guy is really doing he's best, try to put yourself in his shoe, working and maintaining his car, maintaining his friends, and trying his best to spend time with you.

 

if you dont have much to offer him right now, then i guess its fair enough not to ask more from him coz its not easy, having those kinds of responsibility.

 

this guy will burn out soon, dont be surprise if this would be an issue in the future, plan first before confronting or like talking to him.

[robowarrior]

The point is that any streetracer is nothing more then a murderer. Ask him to mature and throw that money absorbing monster out of his life, that way he can learn how to save money for the future instead of pumping it into a hobby that isn't to bring happyness in his life anyway. Those kind of people don't look at the consequenses of what could go wrong with streetracing, after all if you end up banging your car against a mother and her child while seeing that baby fly up in the air and ending dead up the street you'll have to live with regret for the rest of your life. So id be more then happy if he would quit that irrisponsible hobby, and you do have the right to critisize it.

[Japanfreak05]

I have a job now and i'm trying to save up for a car. He knows all this, so i hope he understands that I am trying. I'm not just complaining without trying to put forth effort to change it. I just hope he doesn't "burn out" before I acomplish getting a car.

 

We see eachother on the weekends, so during the week he, that's when he hangs out with his friends, goes racing, or i'll hang out with my friends. It's never at the same time, one of us is always at home while the other is out, so I guess that makes it a little bit harder, i don't know.

 

I don't have too big of a problem with the car, I just hate to see how all his money goes towards it ALL THE TIME. Like he worked crazy overtime to get 1300 dollars to put something in the car. And he's still not done, he still wants to get, this that and the other for it. I understand that's his hobby and he has goals for it though. Maybe I have some negivitves towards it cuz I'm not into cars.

 

Maybe I should wait to see what happens after he pays the car insurance? I try to keep calm and don't get mad when he's going through tough times like this, when he has to work alot to save up for something big, I already know he's tired and stressed. Just trying to be a good girlfriend at the same time.

 

He says he doesn't mind driving all the time and paying for everything, he says that's what he wants to do, since he is the man of the relationship, but I feel bad about it, and It's always hard for me to ask him for something cuz I know he does everything. confused grrr.....

[Momene]

Wish I had a spare $1300 to spend on my hobby!

 

I think it's more dangerous than drugs.