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depressed!! what do i do...


gavindark
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Originally I posted this in the Finding Love/Soulmate forum, but I thought it may be more relveant to this one.

 

My gf of 3 years broke up with me about 4 months ago now, and it really shook me up a lot. I had never gone through anything like it and I went into a deep state of depression, and even know I'm a lot better now, I still feel like I'm far from being back to normal. I used to love being around other people, but now its harder for me and I seem to prefer isolation to others' company. To make matters worse for me, I recently started grad school on the other side of the country from where I've been the last 5 years. All the close friends I have are far away from me now, and I find myself regretting the choice I made to come here. I had an option to stay in California for grad school, but at the time, I was still with my ex (who is in school outside the US right now), and I was excited about starting life in a completely new environment. But once I went through the breakup, I feel very different now. I don't want to be here, I want to be back with my friends. I don't have any close friends here and it seems like a daunting and somewhat impossible task for me to make friends again. Had this breakup never happened, I would have been fine, but I'm not myself anymore. I'm a depressed guy who just wants to sit at home, and I know I should get out more, but I just don't feel like it. Doing well in grad school is going to dictate how the rest of my life pans out, and if my mind isn't in it anymore, I don't know how I'm going to get through it. I don't want my ex's actions to affect the rest of my life, but I can't help it. I greatly prefer companionship to dating and meeting new girls, and I had that. Now I don't and I want it again.

 

I think of myself as a fairly good catch. I'm smart, I'm funny, and I'm attractive (or so I like to think). I went out on a date for the first time in my life (usually I end up falling with someone who I've been friends with first), and I quickly realized I'm not the dating type. I get awkward and nervous around anyone I like. That's why when I end up falling for a friend, it's easier for me. I already know them, so I don't get nearly as awkward. Well I really liked this girl I went out with, but I'm sure she's not into me anymore. I didn't come off as someone who was confident, and I'm sure she quickly realized she wasn't into me. I don't have any real friends here either, so I don't know how to go about meeting my next love interest. I have 5 years of a brutal phd program ahead of me, and I'm not looking forward to spending those years alone. I need to get out of this rut and move on. I need to meet new girls. I need to make new friends. I feel like my personality has changed for good, and I don't even know who I am myself anymore...

 

How do I get back to normal? How do I make myself more confident? How do I go about meeting girls? How do I get out of this depression?

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It's good you came here. If you are feeling depressed what you need to do it is get yourself to a doctor and tell them how you feel. They will listen, you can talk to a counsoler and they can get you some antidepressents.

 

It depends though, depressions over situations can go away with time, it just takes a little time. If it doesn't go away and gets worse, then you need to see a doctor.

 

I am on a 10mg dose of Prozac right now, and its my 3rd week. My depression became clinical about a month ago, and it is more than just over a girl. While it may have been started by my heartbreak..it got worse. You need to start talking to your parents about your feelings or a friend.

 

Don't let the hurt go on. It's hard to get on a medication, and it's scary, it scares me..but you will feel relief when the drug kicks in. I hope that helps.

 

I wanted to add, dude, your normal. All your feeling are normal, your human, there is nothing wrong with you. Some people just need some extra help, and a doctor can find out your problems and fix them.

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Are you just starting grad school? Having been a grad student myself in a really challenging program, I can attest to the fact that grad school itself is a major cause of depression, anxiety, self-doubt, what have you.

 

Your insititution probably has some sort of grad student get-togethers lined up. I would take advantage of these. They're low pressure and a lot of people are probably in the same, friendless boat as you.

 

My next bit of advice is to get some free school therapy. I started therapy because of the horrible, crushing anxiety of being in a challenging program, and I can't tell you how helpful it was.

 

Call me a premature codger, but I also want to tell you that dating and friends are by no means the most important things in your life right now. You said it yourself - your success in school will help determine the rest of your life. Isn't that a comfort in itself? You have TOTAL license to focus on your studies. What a relief! You can lose yourself in something you're passionate about. How many people can say that?

 

I have faith that you'll adjust, make friends, and do well in school. Good luck to you!

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Yea, I'm just starting grad school this fall, and I moved out here around 2 weeks ago. I just feel really lonely here and it seems a lot harder to make friends in grad school than it was in undergrad. Before I had my ex who I used to call all the time and in a way, she was my support structure. Now she's gone and I really miss her. I don't want to end up as one of those older males, who at a certain age are ready to marry anyone. I want to find someone on my own who I truly care rather than someone who I'm going to settle for.

 

That's why in a way I wish I had gone to grad school closer to my friends back west. Now I have to start all over and it seems like such a daunting task to me.

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