PhilliesFan001 Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 I know I'm the last person who should be preaching about age gaps, but I found out today that my cousin (14, almost 15) is involved with a 24 year old. I tried to confront her, because this made me a bit uncomfortable, and just as I was afraid of she spat my own age gap back at me (18 & 25). She would not listen to a single thing I said, and basically told me that my opinion was hypocritical because I began "seeing" my boyfriend unofficially right before I turned 18, so technically it wasn't legal either. But I'm really scared for her. Aside from him being almost 10 years older, he has some serious issues with drinking, and is currently in the process of getting divorced. I just don't think he's right for her, right now. Am I being hypocritical with the age gap? I feel like my input is moot because of my own relationship, but her situation is much different than mine. I don't know what to do about her. Anybody?! Link to comment
Jennster Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 I don't think you're being hypocritical at all...there's a big difference between 15 and 17...she's too young to be dating anyways...let alone someone her own age. Link to comment
PhilliesFan001 Posted August 16, 2006 Author Share Posted August 16, 2006 I don't think you're being hypocritical at all...there's a big difference between 15 and 17...she's too young to be dating anyways...let alone someone her own age. Ugh, I know. He's her first boyfriend too. She's very excited about him and says he makes her happy (they've been dating a few weeks, though I just found out.) She just can't see his problems. He's friends with my neighbor, who informed me that not only is he still technically married, but he drinks too much and has anger issues. If she won't listen to me, I feel like I should tell her parents, but I don't want to break the trust she has with me. But I also just can't let this slide, you know? Not only that, but her sister (my other cousin) is 17, soon to be 18 and dating a 23 year old guy, which is at least legal where they live. So between the two of us dating older guys we basically have no right to judge her as far as she's concerned. Link to comment
Jennster Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 I'd be scared for her too honestly. Do her parents know about this? I don't really see how any rational parents could approve of something like that. Link to comment
PhilliesFan001 Posted August 16, 2006 Author Share Posted August 16, 2006 I'd be scared for her too honestly. Do her parents know about this? I don't really see how any rational parents could approve of something like that. Oh they wouldn't. When her parents found out about the 17 & 23 year old they hit the roof, but after meeting him and seeing that they were serious, they came around. He's an absolutely fantastic guy and treats her great, so there were no problems. But if they found out their 15 year old was dating a MARRIED, alcoholic abusive 24 year old, I think they would go biserk. I should tell them shouldn't I? Link to comment
Jennster Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 If I were in your position I would tell them...but tell them not to tell your cousin that you told on her...cause then she'd end up resenting you. They could just say that they found out by watching her carefully or something. Link to comment
PhilliesFan001 Posted August 16, 2006 Author Share Posted August 16, 2006 Okay, I'm going to give that a try. Thank you so so much. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 Well when I was 14 I was dating a 28 year old, so I guess maybe I'm the one being hypocritical, but you're not. The thing is...it's illegal. I'm no lawyer by any means, but to my knowledge this guy could actually go to prison if he has sex with her. Whether she wants to press charges or not. So that right there should make her not want to continue this relationship if she does care about the guy. Second, as you mentioned this guy has issues that NO woman would want to deal with whether it's a 14 year old or a 35 year old. Substance abuse, soon to be ex wife, kids....sheeesh.... Unless she's sporting similar issues to that herself, she'd be wise to find someone who was a bit less burdened down. Link to comment
Bethany Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 There is absolutely NOTHING you can do. You have warned her, now all you can do is be ready to pick up the pieces if and when it all falls apart. Link to comment
Cid Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 Wrong Bethany, heytheredelilah can do alot like tell her parants. Try to tell her what the friend said. Link to comment
PhilliesFan001 Posted August 17, 2006 Author Share Posted August 17, 2006 Alright guys I just came back for an update. I talked to my cousin, and just like I expected she wouldn't listen and said I didn't know him like she does. Then she did the whole "How can you even judge me, you're in the same situation." thing. So I told my aunt and uncle, they were furious, forbid her from ever seeing him again and she is currently under "house arrest" and she is very angry with me. She refuses to talk to me and actually said that she does hate me. I did the right thing didn't I? I just wanted to protect her from this guy. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 Well you're not in the same situation though. She is 14 and you were almost 18 when you got together with your boyfriend. Her situation could land him in jail, where your situation is legal. So yes you did the right thing. And of course your cousin is pissed that's what angst ridden 14 year olds are supposed to do Link to comment
Managor Posted August 19, 2006 Share Posted August 19, 2006 I think you did the right thing, absolutely! The whole reason for an age of consent is because people as young as your cousin are generally not old enough to make those sort of decisions yet... Which is clearly true in your cousin's case if she was dating a substance abusing, married, and potentially abusive man... Link to comment
Cid Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 good for you you did the right thing, she will get over it. It will just take some time. Link to comment
n83 Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 Yeah you did the right thing, let her hate you as much as she wants.. you just saved her big time!! Link to comment
avman Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 Here's another vote for you did the right thing. She will not be happy about it for awhile, but eventually she will come to see that you did her a big favor. Link to comment
Rabican Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 There is only one word to describe a relationship with a 15/ 24 year old. Wrong. Or sick, illegal... ok theres a few words... either way its not good. Tell her what you think, and then either let it go, or tell her parents and the police... depends how much you care. Link to comment
Rabican Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 Alright guys I just came back for an update. I talked to my cousin, and just like I expected she wouldn't listen and said I didn't know him like she does. Then she did the whole "How can you even judge me, you're in the same situation." thing. So I told my aunt and uncle, they were furious, forbid her from ever seeing him again and she is currently under "house arrest" and she is very angry with me. She refuses to talk to me and actually said that she does hate me. I did the right thing didn't I? I just wanted to protect her from this guy. missed this post... ya you did the right thing... congrats. Link to comment
Managor Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 Tell her what you think, and then either let it go, or tell her parents and the police There's no need to tell the police, her parents are capable of handling it Link to comment
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