Embarassing question - too early... Help please! Need to last longer without...

[valiantv]

Hi all, me again

 

This is a very embarrassing question for me - so much so I considered posting under a different username, but I figured, what the hell, you guys don't know me and that's what this forum is for... I suppose.

 

While we haven't had sex, but have fooled around quite a bit, I find that I can't last very long without... going... Anyway I won't go into the details, but let's just say that it doesn't take much stimulation on her part and often happens unintentionally and at inopportune moments. I'm talking within seconds of her, we'll say, moving in certain ways against me. This of course leaves me quite useless for other stuff. Not to mention that I don't think clothes are too good as contraceptive, forcing me to kind of push her away from that area.

 

Also I might as well mention that I'm a virgin which may or may not be a factor. Also I find myself unable to er... set myself off, we'll say... by masturbating. Which seems contradictory.

 

Any tips on how to last a long time? And I mean without talking to her about it (that would just embarrass both of us - you may notice this pattern emerging in my posts if you are paying attention), and without talking to a doctor. I don't think it's a medical problem anyway.

 

Any solution would render me eternally grateful! Help please!

[melrich]

First I'd say that the problem should improve with experience. But despite your lack of experience it does sound like you do have a problem with premature ejaculation.

 

There are lots of exercises you can do to potentially help with this. I'd advise you to google up premature ejaculation and check out some information on the more respectable looking hits.

 

There are also desensitizing gels you can purchase. I have no idea if these are effective or not so maybe other members can give feedback on this.

 

Finally i wouldn't be too worried. It is a problem you can work on and fix. Do talk to your g/f about it. At the end of the day it should not stop you giving her pleasure and I'm sure if you can do that she will be very understanding.

[Backstroke03]

Agreed experience is huge. My longevity is way more than it was ten years ago. I know this is a corny thing, but think about baseball. Works for me at least.

[TheRedQueen]

MASTURBATE before you hang out with her, masturbate twice if necessary.

[Cardinal]

That you seem not to be able to come through masturbation stikes me as odd. I think that little bit of info is what most needs exploring. Your premature ejaculation will improve with experience. What is up with the masturbation thing? If you can do that you can go a long way to fixing your problem. More orgasms = you will eventually last longer. Round five lasts longer than round one.

[TheRedQueen]

whoops, i guess masturbation prior to hanging out with your girlfriend would not be good advice.

[igor]

I think it's highly unusual for a guy to ejaculate so quickly in the presense of his gal but can't masturbate to orgasm. Are you really having an orgasm with her or are you just leaking lots of precum?

[valiantv]

I think it's highly unusual for a guy to ejaculate so quickly in the presense of his gal but can't masturbate to orgasm. Are you really having an orgasm with her or are you just leaking lots of precum?

 

That's possible... Either way, it means I am totally useless afterwards if you get my meaning. She was going to give me hand-job soon afterwards... However given the lack of response, I found out last night, she thought it was something *she* was doing wrong - the same thing happened a few nights ago, and she looked sort of angry or something, I thought she might have been mad at me and I was really extremely embarrassed - I never for a moment guessed that she had been embarrassed herself because she thought it was her fault. Until I explained the matter. At least that's cleared up.

 

But it still doesn't help the main problem

 

BTW a few nights before that again, we got our clothes off a bit earlier kind before all the other stuff. That time, I didn't have that problem and was able to last... And she was jerking me off and I came, and was hard again minutes later.

But each time I was premature, I at least had boxers on.

[New Beginning]

My boyfriend use to buy this spray for adam and eve that would make him last longer -- look into it - I think it numbs you for a bit.

[valiantv]

Are you really having an orgasm with her or are you just leaking lots of precum?

Actually I'm more beginning to believe that this is the case... I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse.

I've solved the problem with the jerking off by the way - I just needed a bit more persistence (and sometimes some soft porn). After jerking off, I will stay hard for a while, but with whatever is happening here... Well very soon after I would be useless. Ahh I just wish it was voluntary ...

 

It's worse I'm getting, by the way, probably because I'm thinking about it too much. I was thinking about it all night while we were together (like with touching etc.)... Afterwards I was just kissing (quite passionately btw) her, and well...

Haven't had a chance to try jerk off just before I meet her...

 

Anyway thanks folks for your input

[valiantv]

OK yesterday I tried an experiment... Beating off in the evening approximately around the time that I would be getting ready to go out and see her. I found that I was coming quickly enough then... Then again later that night - all in the name of information gathering, of course - around the time we had been getting quite passionate on previous nights... (about 5 hours later) And found that I couldn't come at all that time, even though sometimes I slightly felt like I was going to.

 

This makes logical sense to me as I would say I was "spent" after the first time and hadn't had time to recharge...

 

My question is this: Is my thinking correct? And could I stay hard all night this way? And people who have sex more than once in a night, would you come each time? If so, what's the story?

[Shadow25]

There are also things you could do called kegels.

 

It's basically something you can do absolutely ANYWHERE at ANYTIME.

 

I don't know how to really explain it, but it's basically tightening your butt hole, so to speak, whenever you do this, there is something to do with your prostate gland or something that makes your orgasms more intense, it can help your erection last a hell of alot longer aswell...

Just read up on google, look for "kegels" or look on google for anything to do with strengthening orgasms, lasting longer in sex, and things like that, there are plenty of helpful things.

 

I would suggest to NOT take desensitizing gels and sprays.

Those things are like steroids and building muscle, you can build muscle naturally, but steroids will ...cheat at getting muscle, and as you know, it can be very unhealthy, steroids were designed to help muscle growth for workouts, so that people could lift heavier weights, etc, and it also helped the muscle grow during the resting period, but steroids were abused and are now nearly always abused, and so people are pumping themselves with the stuff rather than using them correctly.

Anyway..you don't need gels and sprays, the thing you are talking about is not a PROBLEM, it is natural for MANY MANY men, and all it takes is a little bit of practise, that's all, and mate, DO NOT be embarrassed to discuss it with your girlfriend, I would suggest the one of the first things you do ASAP, is talk to your girlfriend about it, tell her about the ways to improve it, tell her you want to try different things to improve it, she will understand, and she will more than likely be really REALLY happy that you are making an attempt to last longer for not only your benefit, but for hers aswell.

 

Oh btw...there is no such thing as too much masturbation, so go for your life! just don't masturbate the wrong way and tear skin or get friction burn or something painful like that.

I am 18 yrs old, and started doing certain excercises while masturbating to make it a much more pleasurable experience, and I must say that I am damn happy that I took the time to read about certain techniques to make orgasms stronger or be able to orgasm several times in a row.

I used to go to my bathroom, masturbate, have an orgasm, and that'd be it, then afterwards, it'd be this really straining time to try and orgasm again, it sucked, and my arm was agreeing that it sucked aswell.

But after doing things like:

"stop and go" - masturbate until almost getting an orgasm, and then just letting your body relax just pretend like your body was just turned off, then masturbate again. Someone mentioned waiting a few minutes between each orgasm, but when I did this, it was a maximum of about a minute, if that at all, a good way to do it, and a fun, challenging way to do it, is set a number of orgasms you are meant to have before a certain time...so say...you are meant to have 10 orgasms in 10 minutes, or whatever you are capable of doing...try and increase the number each time...eventually you'll probably find that you can have 20 or 30 in 10 minutes...now wouldnt that be awsome!

That's what I'm aiming for.

When I saw orgasms, I don't mean, blowing your load everytime, I mean, NEARLY reaching the peak, just getting to the top and then sliding back down again.

 

-Kegels tightening your butt hole basically, and this will also give you cum that doesnt dribble out...mine used to always just dribble out, I never knew how to make it SHOOT, so to speak...but once I started doing this excercise, It made my orgasms more intense and pleasurable, and it also gave me the ability to SHOOT or squirt it out (too much detail maybe, but..hey, how else will you know what i'm talkin about). I think you are meant to do these about 40 times a day...sure that sounds like alot, but if you get into a habit of doing them, it's easy

I wonder if Kegels help women with their orgasms aswell...any women want to comment on that?

 

- The other one, which I suggest you ONLY do in the shower, IF you want to help your orgasms be even stronger again, is to massage your prostate.

Before reading, this is not by any way a gay thing, it's only gay if you let another guy do it, and if it's not for medical reasons...doctors should be massaging it anyway, lol...maybe nurses can alright I'll shutup...

Basically, to put it simple, you can stick your finger up your butt (hence why i say "Do it in the shower!" you can find the prostate gland on the side closest to your penis, it's like a muscle..well it is a muscle, lol, but anyway, if you do it correctly, it will feel like you will want to pee, it's kinda hard to do, and it doesnt always NEED to give that feeling, but simple by having a finger ON your butt hole, just on the outside can intensify your orgasms aswell.

Many partners do this aswell during sex...alot of women would consider this to be disgusting so educating her on these things by talking to her about them will help ALOT, she may just rethink about it one day if she doesnt want to do it now, and she may want to give it a go for you.

 

There are many more excercises that can make you last longer, have more intense orgasms, longer orgasms, and more orgasms...just google them, it took me like 2-3 weeks of doing these excercises, and I don't mean doing them every single day, but...I after a small amount of time, I was already noticing a significant difference, and I don't regret a thing, it's also good knowledge to have , especially if you have mates who talk to you about this sortof thing and you want to help them out with it (that doesnt mean you're gay either, it just means you're an open helping person).

 

Anyway, best of luck, by the sounds of things, it's already going well

remember, you don't need to buy gels and sprays, you just need to practise and excercise that area, it's like any other muscle on the body, if it doesnt get excercized, it becomes weak and doesnt do much, and is alot harder to use while it is weak..so make it stronger