She has a boyfriend but shes flirting and giving me signs.

[Styles]

I'm feeling a little confused right now. My friend (had a little thing for her but she never knew) that i havn't seen in awhile for about a month is flirting with me and she has a man. We've hung out this weekend on friday/saturday for a good 3-4 hours each day. When i was driving to take her somewhere she talked about problems with her boyfriend asking me for advice and what not, and says "we havn't been talking but we're still together". now we're at the mall just walking around checking stores and whatever, and for some reason she puts her arm around mine and has her head on my shoulder. then later on she holds my hand but i get out of it and make a joke, she does it again and says "please hold my hand" and i just go with it. at this time i feel weird because we're in public like this and you never know, you might run into her boyfriend or a friend that might tell her boyfriend. the day goes by and i drop her off and she gives me one of those long hugs and a kiss on the cheek and says "call me later". which just left me with a confused thought in my head like "whats going on here", but i didnt end up calling her because i was confused. I just want to know whats the best thing to do in this situation? just wait it out and see what happens between her and her man?

[PRSOV]

Styles,

 

Are you crazy? This girl is so into you it's not funny... and she isn't making any effort to hide it.

 

What I don't like is the way she is treating her current boyfriend. People rarely change, so you have to ask yourself... Is this someone I want to date?..

 

She needs to sort out her problems with her current boyfriend before seeking attention and affection from you. It could get nasty, especially if those involved are close. Involving you as a way to try and fix things in her current relationship is only likely to cause more problems.

 

You really have two options here:

 

A: Just be her friend and nothing more - (The flirting MUST STOP, and you have to enforce this)

B: She breaks up with her current boyfriend to make a proper attempt at creating a relationship between you and her.

 

PR

[Styles]

Styles,

 

Are you crazy? This girl is so into you it's not funny... and she isn't making any effort to hide it.

 

What I don't like is the way she is treating her current boyfriend. People rarely change, so you have to ask yourself... Is this someone I want to date?..

 

She needs to sort out her problems with her current boyfriend before seeking attention and affection from you. It could get nasty, especially if those involved are close. Involving you as a way to try and fix things in her current relationship is only likely to cause more problems.

 

You really have two options here:

 

A: Just be her friend and nothing more - (The flirting MUST STOP, and you have to enforce this)

B: She breaks up with her current boyfriend to make a proper attempt at creating a relationship between you and her.

 

PR

 

Yeah thanks PRSOV, exactly how i looked at it but i'm scared to pick an option and stick to it. I've always looked at situations like this as "if shes doing things with you while she has a boyfriend, imagine what she might be doing while your her boyfriend" type of thing, but i've known this girl for awhile and know how she is. I'm just really feeling confused/weird about what has happened.

[Dr]

Don't get involved.

 

She's confused and she's using you to make herself feel better. Many (not all) women like to feel that they have a sort of 'charm' over men and then keep them on a bit of string like a yoyo.

 

Please don't fall for this. You yourself state she is involved with a man so don't get involved.

 

Doc

[PRSOV]

Yeah thanks PRSOV, exactly how i looked at it but i'm scared to pick an option and stick to it. I've always looked at situations like this as "if shes doing things with you while she has a boyfriend, imagine what she might be doing while your her boyfriend" type of thing, but i've known this girl for awhile and know how she is. I'm just really feeling confused/weird about what has happened.

 

I understand but this situation really needs you to make a decision, because obviously... she can't.

 

More to the point you have to put yourself in her boyfriends shoes. He may see it as that you are cracking onto his girlfriend, especially if he did run into the two of you while you were holding hands while walking through the mall. Confusion may set in and he may pay you and unexpected visit. Just something to watch out for.

 

PR

[brando]

well you hit it on the head...if she is tempting to fool around on her current bf, what will stop her from fooling around on you ...assuming you two becme an item.

 

If you have not strong attachments to this girl,and you want to have a fling, then go for it. But remember that in life what goes around always will come back around.

 

You willdecide what to do, maybe taking the advice giving here o these boards, maybe following your own instinct.

 

Deep down you know what is right for you to do, and you will know when you went against yourself.

[sumguy]

Unless the relationship between her and her boyfriend is already over, and neither has the guts to acknowledge it. A girl I know was with a guy, but the relationship was over unofficially before it ever was officially, she was flirting with a mate of mine, and since they hooked up after the breakup, she's been nothing but faithful...

 

My advice is to sound it out, remain true to her and yourself - so no giving bad advice - and just ride it through without doing anything else, at least not until the breakup - which is coming - is made official.

[rose2summer]

From the female perspective, she is not happy in her relationship, doesn't want to leave it, so she gets love/affection/romance from her boyfriend and the same from you, what a deal, the double whammy! She is just playing you, getting from you what her bf doesn't give her, emotional affection, and the second she is happy with him again, she friendzones you again.

[Dating Coach]

From the female perspective, she is not happy in her relationship, doesn't want to leave it, so she gets love/affection/romance from her boyfriend and the same from you, what a deal, the double whammy! She is just playing you, getting from you what her bf doesn't give her, emotional affection, and the second she is happy with him again, she friendzones you again.

 

DING DING DING! WE HAVE A WINNER!

[QuietWolf]

I think there is another possibility... some people (I've seen it more in women, but I don't mean to generalize) don't have the strength to end a relationship that they feel ambivalent about without another option out there. You could be that other option for her.

 

I've seen many women hang on to one guy, until she is certain she has something solid going with another... sucks for the guy being left behind, but it happens. So... I don't think she is just using you until the relationship gets better with her current guy, she could be looking to make a move to you, and staying in her current relationship until she has a sense of where you two could go.

 

I'd say the ball is in your court... what do YOU want? You can't really know what she is doing, and you might be taking a big risk, but life is about risk.

[Styles]

yeah thanks guys. lately shes been talking to me like im her boyfriend and just yesterday she hangs out with him and tells me how she had fun. then she calls me late at night saying stuff like "hey sexy" and how she misses me. exactly what rose2summer said, im going to leave this girl alone because i can see what shes trying to do and leave it as friends.