To sex or not to sex?

[Ated]

Ok im going to make this short. Basically, I was VERY good friends with a guy at work. I work as a waitress but stuyding to be a nurse. He is a chef. We were friends for about 4 months and we would talk about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. It was great.

 

One of our co-worker kinda got us together. we started to date VERY briefly (it only lasted 3 weeks cos he is 'career-orientated' and he loves cooking etc etc and he can't commit himself to a girl') i was sad about it, but i respect him and his decisions so i let go.

 

He is so career orientated that he hasnt been with a woman for 7 years and when we were together we slept with each other and it was just great... I havent been in a rship for 2 years because i don't want to just go out with 'anybody' I want to go out with someone i know i could go long-term with. And finally after 2 years, i found 'M' but it was just bad timing.

 

The problem is, after we broke up things have been awkward at work. He would treat me hot and cold. I cant even look him in the eye sometimes. I mean im happy with just being friends, i wish to be more... but i won't force it. HOWEVER, i want to have sex with him. And i mentioned it just after we broke up... what he thinks about us being FWB. And he said hes cool with it, but he thinks its not a good idea cos i might get hurt... And i was like "ur right" and i KNOW he is right

 

But the thing is... we are both travelling at the dame time. Same 'path' if you like where we both dun want commitments. but both want sex. So i want to know whether i should mention wanting to sleep with him again or not. I mean i KNOW it will happen if i just come over his place... but i just dun want to look 'cheap'. Like the reason i want to do it with him is cos im comfortable with him. I know i can get it elsewhere... btu i dont want that. i dun wanna open my legs to just 'anyone'... U knwo what i mean

 

 

erghhh this is really bothering me... Pls help

[rose2summer]

Did you sleep with him after 3 weeks? Therein lies the problem. He lost respect for you and does not see you as relationship potential. I am sorry to say that but some men are total jerks and think with their penis and not their brain.

[Fisch]

It doesnt really matter if you are both work oriented and both just want sex right now. Sex leads to attachment, and will, undoubtedly lead to someone wanting some kind of commitment and the potential for heartbreak. If you know he is right about it, what is there to wonder, getting hurt is pretty much not worth it in this situation. You arent going to look back and say, man i am glad I had all that sex with that guy who I got hurt with are you? However, it is up to you to make that decision, if it is worth it, or if you think you can stay detached enough.

[Ated]

Yes, i know i WILL get attached becasue i still have feelings for him... it sucks but i mean i just want sex too u know... LOL

 

i don't think he 'lost' respect for me because we have been friend for 4 motnhs and so i felt it was 'ok' to sleep with him u know?

 

Ok so you both think to NOT even go there right? Like i am telling myself that too, but it is just SO damn hard.

 

To make matters worse, 2 other guys from work are asking me to hook up with them. Im like? What?! AS if! But u get me? Like it just makes me want it even more... erghhhh

 

And what you you suggest i do to control myself, considering we work together? Just totally avoid him yeh?

[rose2summer]

Avoid him like the plague. When you see him, don't make eye contact. Eye contact is an absolute killer for me, I melt, because it's as though you can see into the soul. Just keep it professional, remember afterall you are at work, not at a strip club. He is not a stripper Don't hook up with anyone, you really only want to have sex with someone you really care about because otherwise you will feel used and want that connection that is missing. What makes great sex isn't the sex but the connection itself. If you feel too many sexual urges, buy some "products" or videos, whatever to alleviate the tension.

[Ated]

Rose2summer:

 

I have done EVERYTHING. Like i mentioned before, i have done that. Avoided him like the plague. But like i said he is just hot and cold. And sometime he owuld 'trap' me... like "hey erica... how are u" blah blah and i would answer him and politely walk away to do my work and then he would be like "oh hey erica" and i mean, i cant be rude you know?

 

I know ur all right.. i know it myself, i guess hearing it it from others just validates my feelings. Its so tough. I'll give u a background... My previous ex and i had sex like crazy.... and then after we broke up i was so hurt i decided to abstain ffrom sex for 2 years and now that i did it agian i can't stop again...! Its been so long for me... Im just trying so hard to think about WHAT i did to control myself... and i cant recall...

[rose2summer]

If he is hot and cold, he isn't worth your time, that sounds bipolar almost. When he pulls a hey erica, say you really have a great deal of work to do, a table has asked for some waters, anything to get away from him. Do not give him the time of day. I feel frustrated as you do, and it's tough, I just want my sexual tension to disappear, I had a great deal of sex with the ex before we parted, but the things is, I know having sex with someone who doesn't love me, will destroy me. I am sure the same will happen to you. Maybe the next time you want to have sex, go to the gym or something to get your mind off of him?