I'm in the worst relationship ever, but I can't get out...help...

[trippinpaperheart]

wow I feel like our relationships have a lot in common. i know how painful that is to have a rough relationship and you both still love each but a break sounds like it's best. problem is taking that break. i sound more like your girlfriend i can't go 2-3 days without him it kills me. It sounds like she really truly does love you a lot. I would try explaining to her that you feel to smothered by the relationship and you think that kind of taking a break from each other could make it stronger.

[TheDoctor]

wow I feel like our relationships have a lot in common. i know how painful that is to have a rough relationship and you both still love each but a break sounds like it's best. problem is taking that break. i sound more like your girlfriend i can't go 2-3 days without him it kills me. It sounds like she really truly does love you a lot. I would try explaining to her that you feel to smothered by the relationship and you think that kind of taking a break from each other could make it stronger.

 

 

Yes, I agree. I have attempted taking a break two times though and both of those times 1-2 days into the break was when I found out she was talking to other guys. It's almost like she just constantly needs male attention 24/7. I know she loves me behind it all but it isnt a true love, it's a very roller coaster up-down type of love. I am her drug, and when my high is no longer effecting her she's going to throw me away. The thing is, as long as I act emotionless towards her and push her away I supply her with some sort of high.

 

On a side note, she makes up every excuse in the book to smother my life with bogus excuses like her car doesn't work so I have to take her everywhere, or she lives too far, etc etc. I just see it like she doesn't care enough to help change the anatomy of the relationship. The sad part is, everyone in my family and friends that I've seen over this weekend are telling me I look really depressed. I don't really feel depressed but if everyone is telling me that then....I dunno. I am definitley out of it, I sleep till 1 pm, things that I don't normally do. I am sad, with or without her. I feel like there's only one thing left to do, and that is to break up because waiting for her to be normal and stable is BEYOND unrealistic.

[coollady1957]

I feel like there's only one thing left to do' date=' and that is to break up because waiting for her to be normal and stable is BEYOND unrealistic.[/quote']

 

 

So you have realized what you need to do. How long before you plan to go through with it? The longer you wait, the harder it is going to be. If you are looking worn and depressed over this whole thing, then you need to do what you must, in order to get yourself back on the right track again.

 

Sure you will be lonely and hurt after the break up, There is no way to avoid that part. But time will heal and allow you deal with it and to move on with your life. If you stay with her you are going to go down fast. Think of your future and well being.

[TheDoctor]

Hey thanks for your strong words, here is a link to update you on the situation. I did end up breaking up with her :

 

 

[cranbers]

Wow, that is quite a story. I can't believe the whole if she is stayng with you for more then 2 weeks she is a resident and requires an eviction notice? That has to be some made up bs. I guess the only thing you can do is say to the police that her being there is a volitle situation and you think you might knock her out. I mean if she is so beutiful ask one of them to take her home and they can enjoy her company for awhile. Each time the police are called it goes on record, call them every time she is over and won't leave. Everytime she hits you etc. The police will get the point, so either they will do something about it or they will just stop coming.

 

That is a sad thing though that if this was a role reversal, she was a man and you were the women, you can be assured you would have been arrested and have a restraining order on you now. I was threatened with one for doing a whole lot less when i was 16 so. Either that was scare tactic or the police had you going for a minute.

[TheDoctor]

Well, despite all her ranting and raving she gave up quiet quickly when it finally hit her that we're not getting any better. It's a very sad, crazy story her and I but I hope I can find the strength to get back to reality because all I can say is this last year has been so abusive and surreal that normal is a very hard and strange place to be for me.

[Iceman26]

I wish you the best of luck Doc, and I believe things will get better. Just give it some time.

[TheDoctor]

Thanks, it has been 4 days now and she keeps asking me to hang out and I keep telling her not now. We are still friends and are having a pretty humble and positive friendship so far. I just have a bad feeling that might end, but who knows.

[Bethany]

Thanks, it has been 4 days now and she keeps asking me to hang out and I keep telling her not now. We are still friends and are having a pretty humble and positive friendship so far. I just have a bad feeling that might end, but who knows.

 

Ah no, what you need to do is tell her that it's NEVER going to happen and that you can't be friends. You are only keeping her hanging and have not told her that it it over.

 

She will never move on and might as time goes by start hanging around your doorway, make attemped suicide threats or may even carry them out in hope of you coming to her rescue.

 

What you have done may be best for you at this time, but don't be selfish, END IT PROPERLY, for her sake so she can move on. Make a clean break.

[Beyondthesea]

You need to do no contact with her. As long as you are in contact, she is manipulating and abusing you.

[TheDoctor]

I dunno, I talked to her today and she is really closed herself up badly. That's fine with me, the good news is she's going out alot and I have a feeling she is talking to other guys. I really don't care at this point, I just dont want to do NC again, been there 2 times and it sucked really REALLY bad. It didnt help me at all, infact I didnt get over the girl until 6-8 months later when I finally talked to her and got everything out of my system.

 

Honestly, I know NC breakups like the back of my hand, infact check some of my older posts from years ago you'll see how tough it was for me to let go of a girl I was with for a long time after a fight and we no contacted for 7 months!

 

Off subject but, unless you sit down and tell the person it's best if you never talk again NC break-ups are very unhealthy because they often are motivated by pride and vengeance. It's a matter of who breaks first, not about moving on. Again, if you sit down with the person, have a nice healthy 1-1 with them about how it's best to move on then go ahead, but it's very VERY hard for two people to attain that status. NC, is a good thing to do for the first few weeks, but again I have been there and it just isnt for me. For example, I was with a girl for 2 years, we broke up out of anger and pride and did a NC thing for half a year +. I got over some of it, but everyday I woke up sad, and just tried to forget but I couldn't. Finally, I realized I have nothing to be ashamed about and I called her, once I did and she and I began talking I got over it LITERALLY that night. I felt so at ease and I just let it all out of my system. Since then I realized what a waste of time no contact break ups are.

 

I like what I'm doing with my ex right now, I feel like i'm getting over it and at the same time not messing with myself by causing speculation and all those other malicious things. But then again, Ive never been on this side of the field so I'm not sure how good of an idea this is either. I do know this much, NC are uneccesary.