Talked to this very cute women at the gym

[QuietWolf]

First time poster, looks like a cool forum.

 

I was at a climbing gym last night with some friends. I noticed this very cute women... I could not stop glancing over at her, and checking her out. I'm sure she could tell using her peripheral vision that I was obviously checking her out because I was not hiding it. I caught her looking at me a couple of times while I was climbing. I managed to get my group to climb a route that opened up next to her and her friend so that I could talk to her. That was the easy part for me, the harder part is what to say??? I'm not great at chit chat with women that I find cute... I get intimidated easily, which makes me tense up and my mind races looking for something to say.

 

This was the basic conversation... not really this formal I'm typing from memory.

 

I asked her (trying my hardest to smile nicely):

"How do did you like that route you just climbed, was it fun?"

 

She respons (and she is smiling):

"Yes, it was very fun. My friend is having a harder time because she doesn't have the same reach and this route favors a long reach. How did you like that route I saw you on?"

 

Me:

"It was great, though I didn't get past that move where the wall changes color. You'll have to climb it and show me how it is done. I think I'll try the route you two are doing when you are finished"

 

At this point I have to pay attention to my climber, since I have him on belay. She also has to pay attention to her climber, giving her route tips.

 

We chat back and forth a bit more, and she starts to talk in this higher tone with a lot of melodic laughter mixed in... this is the part I have a hard time with. I don't have a melodic mixed laughter tone and I feel awkward when women do that... I don't know what to do or what to say... it is as if they have switched gears into silly mode and want me to laugh along with them and I'm still in this tense mode trying to figure out what to do/say. Help???

 

How do I relax and ease up and just laugh along with them?

 

Her and her friend did climb the route I suggested, and then her friend started talking to me a lot, but I was interested more in the original women but trying to be friendly to both.

 

We moved on to another wall (my buddies wanted to climb, not watch me try to flirt) but the rest of the night we would chat a bit back and forth as we passed eachother in the gym.

 

I didn't ask her name or introduce myself... she is a regular and I'm sure I'll see her there again next week; I just never talked to her before... never worked up the courage.

 

Anyway, my main question is... how to be less tense so I can just be more fun when I'm talking to a women that switches gear into that melodic high pitched mixed laughter mode? It is very attractive, but it makes me even more tense.... I'm a hopeless cause I suspect.

[RayKay]

Get her name!

 

Next time you see her, walk up and say:

 

"You know, I spent so much time talking about the routes with you, that I forgot to introduce myself. I am Quiet Wolf, and you are.....?"

 

From that, you need to move on to asking her out, or at least starting by offering to belay her.

 

It's all about confidence. The worst that can happen is you turn a bit red right, but your life does not hinge on this woman, right? And, she may be quite flattered you get a bit nervous

 

It sounds like she is at least friendly towards you, that is a good start....run with it

[QuietWolf]

Thanks. Sure, I'll get her name, that isn't the hard part for me. The hard part is that I get really tense around women that I find cute and I'm looking for advice on how to relax. I have this mental block that I won't know what to say... and then I worry about that, which in turn makes it hard to just relax... does that make sense?

 

I don't have a problem getting her name and asking her if she want to climb together and eventually asking her out, my challenge is relaxing. Everybody says just relax, my question is how? When she starts talking in the melodic laughing way... I just don't know what to do.

[RayKay]

Hmm, well, I doubt anyone whom is interested in someone is ever totally relaxed when they are in that period of uncertainity..so don't be too hard on yourself. It takes time to relax around someone new and whom you have a crush on

 

If you are able to get her name, ask her out and so on...don't worry so much about relaxing....just enjoy the moment, have fun...it sounds like you did quite well talking to her as is?

[Orlander]

she is a regular and I'm sure I'll see her there again next week

This is a mistake to think this way. It is rationalizing!! The longer you wait to introduce yourself and express your interest in her the less she will probably be receptive to your advances.

 

Introduce yourself, shake her hand and each time you pass her and she seems receptive to you, ask her a question about herself.

 

Some examples:

Where do you rock climb when you aren't here?

How long have you been coming here?

 

Keep the questions simple and related to what you are doing or where you are. Don't ask yes or no questions. Ask questions that require a response; something she has to actually respond to.

 

Keep eye contact and try to focus on just relaxing.

 

 

Orlander

[QuietWolf]

The longer you wait to introduce yourself and express your interest in her the less she will probably be receptive to your advances.

One week? I really dbout that will make a difference. I was there to climb, not to flirt, and I had to be attentive to my climbing partners... I could not just spend the evening focused on her. Besides, how do you KNOW a week will make that big a difference? Do you have an advanced degree in human behavior? ...not trying to be rude, but that is just your opinion right? ...or do you have scientific proof?

 

I'm not into the whole speed seduction thing, and it sounds like you are. Just my humble opinion.

[RayKay]

I would not say a week is a bad thing, given you JUST started talking to her! I mean, most people I have dated it started with a couple brief meetings then a date a couple weeks later.

 

And yes, if you were my climbing partner I would want you paying attention to belaying me, not focusing too much on flirting!

 

This is why asking her out is good, to get into another environment.

[Orlander]

One week? I really dbout that will make a difference. I was there to climb, not to flirt, and I had to be attentive to my climbing partners... I could not just spend the evening focused on her. Besides, how do you KNOW a week will make that big a difference?

 

Yes, it is my opinion and one bourne from experience. You may, of course, choose to accept or deny it as you please. What if you never see her again? the point is, you were presented with opportunity and you did not follow through and you are making excuses for your actions when you should be learning from your mistakes.

 

You are here on this forum asking for advice and I gave some to you. Ever hear of "He who hesitates loses all"?? Is my advice so far from logic if you just take a step back and look at what I was saying objectively??

 

I recommend a book titled Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Macolm Gladwell. It's about making decisions and acting on them in the blink of an eye.

 

Good luck and don't let opportunity pass you by.

 

 

Orlander

[QuietWolf]

you were presented with opportunity and you did not follow through and you are making excuses for your actions when you should be learning from your mistakes.

I don't view not getting her name the first time I chatted with her as a mistake; it is only your opinion that it is a mistake. I'm not making any excuses for it.

 

You are here on this forum asking for advice and I gave some to you.

I was asking for adivce on how to relax, not on how soon I should get her name. You were projecting.

 

Ever hear of "He who hesitates loses all"?? Is my advice so far from logic if you just take a step back and look at what I was saying objectively??

Ever hear of coming on too strong? ...or intrigue and mystery?

 

Seriously though, we just disagree on this part. I don't think it is a mistake. I've had lots of g'friends, relationships, and so I think I know a thing or two about a thing or two.

 

My question is about relaxing around attractive women... how to chat with a women that switches into the high melodic tone, etc. If have more to say about that, then cool but I'm not interested in being lectured about how I made a mistake by not getting her name the first time I talked to her.

 

Oh, and I will see her again. Her and her friend are regulars at this gym. So I'm not worried about that contrived 'what if'. If I see her friend there next week and not her, I'll ask her friend about her. Her friend does not make me tense at all.

 

Kind Regards

[Orlander]

Me thinks thou dost protest too much.

 

Seriously though. I don't think I was projecting, but forgive me if I was. I think you not taking more of an initiative and not feeling at ease during the conversation are both symptoms of the same problem.

 

So, are you saying that when you approach women you don't find attractive that you have an easier time? I've found from my own experience that the times I approached women and really didn't care what the outcome was from the approach, that I had the most success. When i went in to the conversation thinking that the girl I was about to go up and start talking to was an old dear friend I haven't spoken to in years I found that it helped ease me into the conversation.

 

Another strategy that has seemed to work is approaching someone thinking about what I needed to pick up at the grocery store later. I would think to myself what items I needed to get while I struck up the conversation.

 

I think a main point is to try to not to be self conscious during the meeting. I have found that taking my mind off of the fact that I was about to interact with a strange and beautiful woman has really helped me be comfortable while interacting.

 

I hope that advice helps. Good luck and let us know next week what happens.

 

 

Orlander

[brando]

I think after some more small talk, and maybe meeting outside the gym or rock climbing place over a drink or coffee or whatever you will start to feel more relaxed.

 

Do you feel this is what usually happens if you are to get one on one with a woman you are interested in ??? That is even if you get to be one on one you still feel tense????????

[QuietWolf]

That is even if you get to be one on one you still feel tense????????

Hey, I was away for the weekend, but yeah, I still feel tense until I get to know them and they me... maybe it is a deeper issue than just cute women, but I was talking to this women Sat night that I knew was off limits (she has a boyfriend), she is cute but not the kind I'm really into, and she was doing most of the talking (it was a big party around a campfire) and I was not tense at all.... I suppose because I really didn't care.

[atraceofblood]

Hey, I was away for the weekend, but yeah, I still feel tense until I get to know them and they me... maybe it is a deeper issue than just cute women, but I was talking to this women Sat night that I knew was off limits (she has a boyfriend), she is cute but not the kind I'm really into, and she was doing most of the talking (it was a big party around a campfire) and I was not tense at all.... I suppose because I really didn't care.

 

yeah man that kinda happens to me! When I know I can't have the women way before I even get a chance to find interest the girl, then I feel more comfortable talking to her for some odd reason. I think what it is, is our infatuation levels. At least for me, if I infatuated before I ever talk to the girl and knowing about the girl, then I get more nervous and shy around the girl. Or maybe I just don't make sense, lol